Social anxiety disorder

[Jeanette01]

I have not been diagnosed but I'm betting this is one of my problems. I am scared to go see someone as I hate sharing my problems but I know it will help. Can anyone who has social anxiety disorder please help me?

[JessF]

Hi Jeanette, I've had experience with anxiety (still do). What would you like to know?

[Neil_1]

Hi Jeanette,   And welcome to Beyond Blue … and this is such a big step that you’ve taken;  by acknowledging that you think that you’ve got this disorder, but then to actually reach out for assistance.  I’m sure that would have taken a lot of effort – so well done for completing this first step.  

Ok, let’s see if we can break this down … and while doing this, I’m fully aware of your disorder.  You ARE after help – huge positive.   But in order to get help that you know you need, you will have to let’s say, describe your feelings/issues to a professional (let’s call them a GP).  

I realise you haven’t given too much information, but I’ll continue on … do you have a GP that you go too?  Do you have family members who might perhaps be able to go along with you?  It’s possible that none of your family members know of your condition? 

To make the session with your GP easier, could I suggest that you type down your feelings/thoughts/issues that you are experiencing and even let your GP immediately know of your concerns and then hand them the piece(s) of paper that is describing your troubles.  

I don’t know if I’ve been able to be helpful here … but I just thought I’d try this option.  Maybe that’s just going to be too difficult for you at this point in time.   

Kind regards  

Neil

[Jeanette01]

Hi neil1, thanks for your help they sound like great ideas and I will give them a go. My issue, well I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, like I can not do anything right ever. If I have to speak in front of people even just a few words I turn bright red, get really hot and sweaty and just want to disappear. I need my husband to constantly reassure me that he loves me even though I know he does ( it's starting to wreck our marriage), I always worry about everything always before I do anything I think about worst case scenarios. I can't talk with people as I can't find common ground to talk about and I'm so, so lonely. I want to feel better!

[Mbuna]

Jeanette,

i agree with Niel. Go and see a GP. Everybody gets anxious and depressed at times. Its just part of the world we live in.  Anxiety can creep up on you over time however and some people are more susceptible than others. You worry about things that are not really worth worrying about. Then you start to worry about worrying. It can really get on top of you and you start to feel useless and unworthy. I got to the stage where I just hated my life and everyone in it. I understand what you are feeling at the moment and I can sympathize because I know how horrible it is. The good news is that you can fix this with the right help. There are a number of good resources on this website that can help. There are a lot of people here who can also give you a shoulder to lean on. The best advice I can give, is to go and see someone. Start with your GP and get a referral to a psychologist or a good counselor. That will at least give you someone to talk to who understands how you are feeling. Once you can understand what is causing your issues, you can learn how to manage it and start to lead a normal life again. I hope this is helpful to you

Regards

 Mbuna

[Perkin]

I can definitely relate to the social anxiety as well as the fixation on worst case scenarios.  The other posts give you really good advice but I also wanted to point out how much looking after your health helps. I found that watching my sugar and caffeine intake helped lessen my anxious feelings and exercise is like a natural medication.  Also I think that looking after yourself increases feelings of self worth.  Just make sure you congratulate yourself for doing well and don't berate yourself when you eat badly or don't exercise.

[JessF]

Hi Jeanette, good to have some more information about what you're feeling. One thing I think its helpful to remember about public speaking of any sort is taht its perfectly normal to feel anxious when doing it, even if you're very good at it and dont have an anxiety disorder. It's a bit like being ticklish in that respect! From there its just a matter of managing those feelings which I found counselling to be very helpful with. As for not having things in common with people, a little trick I learnt was to have lots of open ended questions I could ask people in social situations. People love to talk about themselves and the thing is if you talk to someone long enough you can always find something in common, even if its something small like a tv show or both being the yongest child in a family for example. Look for the little commonalities that come up in a conversation and then build on them as you take the conversation forward. Treat it a bit like a game and that can take the focus off your anxiety.

[joanofarc]

I think it's quite common you're not the only one. I recommend: 'Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia' by Ronald Rapee. I went to the GP and was referred to a therapist, who recommended this. Good to work through it with your therapist but if you give it a read you could work out whether you have social anxiety. I have it pretty mild but I felt it was interfering with my leading a happy, normal life as I got older and took on more responsibilities. It's hard when you can't be assertive for instance. It's embarrassing to go to the GP and therapist - the catch of being socially anxious - but it's worth it, these people are very understanding as they deal with it all the time.

[Inginy]

Maybe try online dating, but take it slowly and one step at a time? Sign up and send some messages, get used to speaking to some women and see how it goes? You don't have to meet up if you don't want to.

Don't be put off by anything negative - there are lots of negative people and negative comments in the world (and online), but screw that, negative energy is such a waste of time.

maybe try some internet forums and discuss your issues with other people who share these feelings? You'll probably get on better and find it really good talking to other people who have things in common?

Good luck with whatever happens guys 🙂