significant phobia

[theo-m]

Hi all!

I have had a phobia of a certain thing for over 10 years, and it has steadily been getting worse. It is related to medical procedures,and I become quite violent, so the only way I can have them done is if several people are holding be down, or if I get knocked out.

Mostly I've been able to avoid it, however it's been getting worse to the point where I'm having 2 panic attacks a week even without the trigger being present (ie. nobody around, in my own home).

In the past (5 years ago), I attempted phobia therapy, however they requested I stop after 3 sessions, because we'd only covered about half an hour of the first session's material, and I was having multiple panic attacks a day.

I do have an ongoing therapist that I see, however I'm hesitant to do phobia therapy with her, because it will transform herself and her office into a place of threat. I'm also worried about physically hurting her.

Ideally I'd do it with a different therapist, however that means I'd go without ongoing therapy for my trauma and bipolar.

I'm not sure what to do.

Are there any specific support groups about this, either online or in person?

(I've tried doing little bits of exposure, but even seeing the word sends my heart-rate rocketing and knocks me back for the rest of the day, let alone seeing a picture...)

I feel lost and scared.

[Sophie_M]

Hi theo-m,  Thank you for sharing such a brave and open post here. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot, and we can imagine how incredibly hard that would be to deal with, but we’re glad you were able to open up to this community. 
 
We wanted to let you know that we’re here, and you can talk to the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors about this at any time you think it would be helpful on 1300 22 4636, or via our webchat. We have resources that may be helpful to you here: Treatments for anxiety.

You can also talk to Blue Knot about this on 1300 657 380, every day between 9am-5pm (AEDT). Their counsellors are very experienced in working with people who have experienced complex trauma. They also have some resources on their website which could be useful to visit, particularly the pages on Survivors Self Care.   
 
Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story. It might take some time for our kind community to spot your post, but we’re sure they will soon be here to offer their support and understanding.   
 
Kind regards, 

[theo-m]

Thanks for these resources! They'll definitely give me a direction to go in with sorting out some of the elements of this problem! I also appreciate reminding me of helplines! I always forget I can have a chat about it, instead of stewing in worries!

[tmas]

Hi there,

I have a significant phobia which, in the past, ran every element of my life. I was put into CBT and ERP for this and I wish they'd have told me to stop sooner. Unfortunately, I was a teenager, and was not really given any agency in the matter. I did these therapies for about 2 and half years, passed between therapists who would give me "homework" and make me do exposure in sessions and then hand me off when the panic attacks seemed too big for them to handle. I was having daily panic attacks at that stage, heavily medicated for years, and was hospitalised several times for escalating behaviour. Doing much better in recent years, even if the phobia/OCD still rears its head occasionally. 

Exposure isn't right for every person in every situation. Exposure therapy will inevitably increase anxiety in the short term, but if it is beyond what can be reasonably handled or is worsening the phobia, perhaps it can wait until the timing is a little better (if your anxiety is at its max capacity, that "small spike" everyone experiences will make learning from ERP impossible). I personally haven't done CBT/ERP since the last professional recommended I stop (4-5 years ago), though I have done psychotherapy with great results - lots of perspective gained.

I'm not saying this is the therapy you need, I'm not a professional. But I think the best thing about this therapy for me was that it was trauma-informed and addressed deeper issues. There's no use treating a symptom of something greater and deeper rooted. I always had a sense of something greater driving my phobia, something made inaccessible by my environment, but I was never once given the opportunity to explore it in CBT. If it came up in conversation, there was the typical "and when we feel like that, what do we do?". Psychotherapy meant a lot more finished sentences and analysis, which was good for me personally.

Regardless of if you have trauma related to this phobia (mine was not directly related, but more of a channel for the anxiety and uncertainty), it may be helpful to try to heal from the bottom up. Phobias are hard work. Besides, making peace with your past behaviour and understanding yourself beyond your biology (people are more complicated than that) will be essential somewhere along the line.

Best of luck x

[theo-m]

Thanks for this reply!

This made a lot of sense to me, as there is a lot of trauma that reinforced the existing phobia.

I'll definitely look into what you suggested, and talk to my ongoing therapist about it next time I see her.

Your last sentence  - " Besides, making peace with your past behaviour and understanding yourself beyond your biology (people are more complicated than that) will be essential somewhere along the line."

It has really brought hope to me, and I think that will help me gain some understanding of myself and my perspective.