Share House Anxiety

[Hitchcock]

Hi all,

I've been sharing a house with a couple (James, Sarah) for the last 18 months and it's presenting a few difficulties and contributing to anxious feelings: I hope it's appropriate for me to collect some of my frustrations here in the hope for some advice.

I had known James for 8 months prior but had never met his partner Sarah. James and I got along relatively well as colleagues and coincidentally were both forced into a quick exit from our previous living situations and felt it would be appropriate to move in together. We had a few interests in common, so we figured it could work.

Sarah is a self confessed introvert - we have nothing in common and struggle immensely to strike any sort of rapport unless there are a few beers involved. If we're in the communal area, at most it's a "Hey, how are you? Good" and that only stems from me initiating the conversation, otherwise she will pass by like I don't exist. If I enter and they're present, she will almost instantly leave, allowing James and I to have a slight amount of chit-chat that more often than not feels forced (for the sake of us knowing each other prior. He isn't a brilliant conversationalist also) before he leaves.

I love my downtime, but I guess I'm also relatively extroverted. I feel I often need to speak to break the tension within the room just to feel like there is even a small sense of community. I try to strike subjects that I know they're both interested in, even if I'm not as well versed to try and lay some foundation in the hope that the next day might not be as difficult. You can literally cut the tension most days like butter. When I eventually burn out and can't be bothered trying and want to ignore them myself, I'm the worst person ever however. I don't want to be best friends but I feel perhaps a little bit of effort on both of their behalves would go a long way in making the house a little more enjoyable.

I respect their space when cooking and will join the kitchen from my room once they've sat down to watch some television, but more often than not find I'm locking myself away in my room just to avoid the uncomfortable situation that inevitably awaits me. This is an ongoing thing during lockdown and its starting to affect my mental health hugely. Constant stress and anxiety; avoid them - feel bad, try to help, feel worse.

It's a really uncomfortable environment. Apologies if this is a ramble, any thoughts or experience with this is greatly appreciated.

Thanks kindly.

[Petal22]

Hi Hitchcock,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry your living arrangements have made you feel this way, it sounds really uncomfortable for you….

I think for your own mental health and well-being you may want to move out of there…. No one wants to feel that way in their own home…. It’s really not a nice way to live…..

Can you find other living arrangements for yourself?

If people can’t put the effort in for you STOP putting the effort in for them…. “ there’s no need to put effort in for people who don’t value you”

I’m sure you can find much brighter living arrangements for yourself you deserve that 😊

Here to chat

[HappyHelper88]

Hello Hitchcock, Thankyou for your post and welcome to the forum.

I have had a similar situation sharing an apartment with a couple, I had very similar thoughts and feeling that you shared. It is even difficult sharing a home with one person, but 2 is more complex and with the current lockkdown makes it abit more challenging. You are not the first to experience this and i am sorry to here you are.
There is nothing wrong with staying in your room to avoid an uncomfortable situation and the next few months will be difficult but hopefully once the lockdown is finished things will improve.

If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, we’re on 1300 22 4636 or you can reach us on webchat here. It can really help to talk things like this through. Lockdown is incredibly difficult, especially when it’s affecting your life everyday. Please remember to reach out whenever you need to.


Feel free to keep sharing, other members will likely be able to relate to what you’re going through.. Constant stress and anxiety; avoid them - feel bad, try to help, feel worse.

[Megzt84]

Hi Hitchcock

Firstly I just want to say that you shouldn’t take it personally. It sounds like you’re trying to make an effort to be polite and to have conversations.

Living in a sharehouse can be difficult at the best of times, and especially when living with a couple. It can make things very awkward.

Im an introvert myself so I probably had the opposite struggle where I was the one that didn’t always feel like socialising and understand it could definitely come off the wrong way. I was just needing to protect my energy especially if I’d had a long day with work.

maybe you could try speaking with James and voice your concerns or maybe try and have a night where you all sit down and have dinner and a chat. They might put in more of an effort. Especially as lockdown can be hard on people.

Its definitely important to feel comfortable where you live, especially with these difficult times.