Hello idrkwiarn,
Welcome to the forums! You have definitely come to the right place - good on you for reaching out too, that takes so much courage!
It sounds like things are pretty overwhelming right now... it's really hard to keep doing our normal activities when there is a lot of pressure and anxiety involved, and it seems like this friend group is becoming very stressful and painful for you. You absolutely deserve kind and supportive friendships.
Sometimes when good school friends are hard to make, it can be helpful to look at out-of-school activities you can join (or even other groups at school to meet new people). Do you have any hobbies or interests at the moment?
It might even be helpful to explore the online forums through Headspace - you can also find counsellors and other ongoing supports there too:
headspace National Youth Mental Health Foundation
I am thinking that chatting to your school counsellor could be helpful as well? They can really help with friendship and study worries.
Overall, I would like to remind you that it's okay that you're feeling this way, what you are going through is a lot. It's amazing that you haven't been hurting yourself lately, so please be kind to yourself when you experience those impulses. It's just your body and mind saying 'this is too much and I need some help!'
Is there one person or activity you could turn to in those moments? If you are unsure, you could try and follow the Calm Harm app and see if it helps with some ideas:
Calm Harm | Kids Helpline
Looking forward to your reply and let us know how you go - have an awesome week!
Sophie M.
