Scared to death, OF DEATH.

[Chin_Up]

To all the fellow sufferers of anxiety,

Ever since I was a young child I have suffered from an extreme phobia of death. If I so much as think about it, I will have hot flushes and feel faint. My mind cannot fathom the thought of being here on earth, creating all of these loving relationships and then having it all erased. 

I'm not a religious person, so I don't have the comfort of saying to people 'see you on the other side' When for me, I have yet to experience any proof of this so called eternal life.

I believe this fear is a large reason for my anxious and depressive personality. 

Does anybody have any feedback on there thoughts, feelings and fears of death.. I think I just need to talk about it.

Hugs to all,

ChinUp.

[Neil_1]

Hi there

A truly fascinating thread – been a long time reader of this particular one, but first time poster.

I’m like a few others on here – my feelings about it do lace me with incredible sadness and other feelings, which are almost too hard to describe.  I’ve lost my mum and dad and also my closest brother.  They’re all gone now and that saddens me greatly.   I don’t go to the cemetery where they are – because all that’s there is a lovely manicured lawn and shrubs and a plaque, with a photo and words.

For me, when you die, I believe it’s like when you are put “under” to have an operation.  Black-out – nothing, that’s it.   Fortunately though, with operations you wake up (well, I have so far, and I’ve had well into my teens of times going under) – but while under it’s nothingness and no dreams had.  That’s it – it’s all over.   Whatever you were that day or the previous is gone.

Someone mentioned that when they die, everything about them is also gone – but then, I think I read where another person said that when someone dies, who’s had influence on others (notably children) that they still kind of live on.  I understand what is being said there, but really not sure about that.

I know of all the stuff my brother used to do and sometimes I do similar things – but that is my choosing to do so;  or to say similar quotes etc;  and the same for Mum and Dad also.  Sure they’ve left those things with me, but they’re still gone and for me, nothing will ever change that.

Likewise, I will no doubt pass on things to my two children – and the other thing they’ll have of mine to keep and to hold on to, are my daily diaries that I write.  I’ve journelled  my life for over 21 years now – about whatever happens to me each day (or to my family) and sometimes others;  my feelings, thoughts, etc etc.   So whether they find it to be of any interest, that’s up to them, but they’ll be theirs to have.

I could go on and on about this, but fear my word limit is up.

Neil

[July]

Hi Chin Up,

This is a very common fear to have, but I for one, don't have a fear of death, I work in an industry that I often deal with the dying and deceased.

I have never had an experience which has "scared" me, I just think your body is just the carriage for your soul, and once you die that spirit has gone to where ever you would like it to be. People do ask me "how can you do that work" but I find it a comfort to look after people, sad as it is, and I treat people the same if they are alive or deceased.

Your life and memories are treasured by those you leave behind, never forgotten your presence on earth  has left a permanent imprint on those you love and who love you, so don't ever think people are not embracing your life.

I wonder if people are scared of being dead or the actual "physical death"process, again I have seen many deaths and I think when the physical signs of life have gone they just seem to be asleep, the body is there but "they " are gone.. to where I don't know ,that is up to the individual's personal choice.

We mourn for a lot of things in life, thats normal, we dwell on the "what ifs", its because we think of others and how they will react , they will miss us, need us, want us, of course they will, you were part of someones life  and upon death become a precious beautiful memory to treasure, and life will go on, but you will always be part of it.

So don't be worried or stressed out about something that is uncontrollable, be happy for the wonderful life you have now and love and enjoy your family and friends, its true life is precious, I have learnt material things won't make you happy  and they are not that important , but to watch a sunset, hear a kitten purr, have your child hug you and tell you ,you are the best mum in the world and they love you, thats heaven to me.

Take care

July

[white knight]

Hi July,

That was so wonderful a reply.

You have come a long way forward in a short time.

Regards Tony WK

[July]

Hi Tony,

Yes ,thank you with some invaluable help from such kind people as yourself, to look inside one's self can be daunting, but also an awakening to and to realise some things in life are out of your control and are not your fault.

To focus on the good and not dwell on the bad, thats the mission to strive for, one step at a time and thats all anyone can do.

Thanks

July

[Helen_Dawn]

I am a 61 year Old lady who has suffered PTSD and panic attackes that led  to Agoraphobia, I am now having dizzy spells and have had Brain Scans that were clear,Throat ulta sound that was clear and my blood works were good ,I am going through a real hard time at the moment with the Death fear,time is running out and I am so scared,IN the past year and a half I have lost so many loved ones the latest being my eldest sister to liver can in Feb last year and my best friend 5 days later, I cannot get rid of this terrible fear it is eating me away.i am dizzy weak and Doctors cannot find out why.It did start with a virus in my throat ,but also a lot of stress at the same time,

When I say I am scared of death I mean terrified ,My solar plexus throbs with adrenaline I am shaky and I cannot think of anything else but that death is just around the corner and I have convinced myself that this just cannot be a dizzy virus and that I am dying. I feel so horrified and I cannot sleep .I jump out of bed and start the scared rumination of what could be wrong with me ,why wont it go away then the thought I am dying comes into play. I am sitting here typing this bobbing up and sown in dizziness and my tummy is alive with electricity, I am so very, very scared

Helen

[July]

Hi Helen,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with your feelings, the mind is a powerful thing and can over ride most anything.

As you said your medical results came back normal which is great, so I feel it is the emotional side  of you that needs attention, you would benefit from seeing someone to talk to, express your fears and possibly medication to calm your nerves.

We have all lost family to cancer and other illnesses, this is a sad part of life but nothing we can do anything about, in reality when you think about it logically we are all going to die eventually, we are not immortal, none of us.

It is an experience no one wants to discuss, its a taboo, it makes us fear our own mortality, none of us know how long have on this earth do we? so maybe think how lucky we are to be here to enjoy this wonderful life, and not waste precious time dwelling on the negative.

Easier said than done yes, but trying a new perspective won't hurt maybe looking at the glass "half full" rather than "half empty".

I wish you all the best and take care of yourself.

July

[GabiT]

Hi Chin Up

Besides getting treatment, what I may suggest is books by Irvin D. Yalom, a top psychiatrist from US who wrote several books. His main approach is focusing on being scared from Death. His approach is usually called as existential psychiatry. 

His novels and stories are very good starts to understand the issue.

Regards

GT

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Since procrastination is one of my vices, I've recently become aware of and interested in the concept of the "memento mori" ("Remember [that you have] to die") - something like a skull on your desk, to remind you to think on what's really important because YOU GONNA DIE, SUCKA.  Maybe you guys could try refocus your anxiety into something positive, in that vein.

[Freemsar]

Hi,

I just read your description of your phobia and I have pretty much the exact same thing. I went to a psychologist about it last year and I have been fine up until recently, now it's started to become a problem again.

Do you have any tricks you use to calm yourself down or to stop thinking about it? I can't seem to stop thinking about it and the fear doesn't go away completely until I have already had and calmed down from a panic attack.

Any tips you have would be really appreciated, I just need some help with it and don't want to tell my mum about it or have to pay for a psychologist unless I have to.

Thank you

[DN129]

While I unfortunately don't know the answer to the problem, I think being scared of death is fundamentally a human condition at its core. We all suffer from it to some extent and its also at the bottom of most anxiety conditions when you explore them deeper.

It would have evolved with us like any personality trait, the humans (or pre-humans) who were scared of death would have been better represented in the population base, as they avoided death and spread their genetics, which leads to us here and now. The humans, or pre-human species who weren't concerned about death probably wouldn't have been that successful long term and unlikely to have created and raised children to adulthood.

So I think at the base of it we're all in some way really really scared of death and its normal.

How to approach it and frame it is the harder issue. To me the comforting thing about death is that every human who has ever lived (over 100 billion of us and counting) have experienced death and it will be the one thing that every single one of us has in common. I don't think that necessarily makes it easier to face, we are literally built to fear death. But I do sometimes think the fact its a mutually experienced condition can make it easier to come to terms with.