Scared that my intrusive thoughts will ruin my life

[JK113]

Recently (late May) my Harm OCD has returned but this time it’s been a lot worse because it’s been in conjunction with me feeling depressed after my best friend of 2 1/2 years cut contact with me and so I began feeling apathetic which only added to my worry because I thought I was becoming emotionless and didn’t care about those around me anymore. And I get scared because I’ll have these thoughts than cheer up a few minutes later and worry that I’m a psycho whose just tricked themselves and family members into thinking they have ocd and because I’ve been snappy lately I’ve worried that means I’ll act on these thoughts. I’ve been googling profiles of a psychopath/assessments and than I worry cause than I convince myself that it’s a possibility even though everyone around has said I’d never do anything. And my psychologist I’ve been wanting to see isn’t available till September.

I’m only 19 and I have so much I want to do a lot with my life but I feel like these intrusive thoughts are just going to drag me down and that I’ll just become a panicky nutcase with very little quality of life.

[blondguy]

Hello JK113

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too!

Im sorry that your best friend has cut ties with you after 2 1/2 years....that would be very painful to go through. Intrusive thoughts are very common and can be a result of any sad time we have in our lives as we are vulnerable when we are feeling low and sad

Feeling apathetic is common when we are going through a rough time JK and yes it will add to our worry.

The forums are a very safe and non judgemental place for you to post JK 🙂

You are stronger than you think by reaching out and speaking from the heart. Can I ask if you have even a small support network of people (even one or two is great!) that you can talk too? Being able to have a talk to a person that you can confide in is a huge help....

If you dont have a person you can talk to there are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you too!

• Intrusive thoughts are very common to have

Can I ask what you mean by 'Harm OCD' and if you have been diagnosed with OCD?

If you want to talk to someone on the phone our friends at the Kids Helpline are super caring and like Beyond Blue there is no judgement....just support for what you are going through 🙂

I know you arent a 'kid' at 19 JK. They take calls from young people up to 25. The calls are free.. private and confidential....They are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800

Google is a great tool for basic medical conditions yet where our anxiety...depression or OCD is concerned it can be a confusing and complex place to self diagnose. There are too many conflicting opinions that can sometimes make us feel worse. I really hope you can avoid Dr Google as a research tool

I hope you can stick around the forums....if you wish!

you are not alone

Paul

[geoff]

Hi JK113, and thanks for posting your comment and I'm pleased Paul has already replied back to you with a great comment.

Harm OCD is when sufferers are constantly worried about causing harm to others which are more upsetting than occasional images or thoughts of violence and can get in the way for us to get on with our day to day work or activities.

These unwanted negative thoughts can be constant and can start to take control of your life and can begin by losing your friend which I am terribly sorry for.

OCD is such a persistent obsession and compulsion, and I can say this because I've had to struggle with this illness for such a long time myself and what it also does is constantly make us seek reassurance from others and no matter how hard you try to get rid of them, they won’t go away unless you seek professional help.

I've also had many intrusive thoughts myself and know how they make you feel, I'm sorry.

Places for you to contact are:

Kids Helpline (telephone and online counselling for ages 5-25) — call 1800 55 1800.
Mensline Australia (online counselling and forum for men) — call 1300 78 99 78.
Lifeline (anyone having a personal crisis) — call 13 11 14.
OCD? Not Me! (online OCD treatment program).
Sane 1800 187 263, Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or a counsellor at your Local Community Health Centre.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[OCDisOK]

Dear JK113,

I was 19 when my OCD hit its peak, it began affecting my life significantly because I did not understand it. The important thing to remember and to know is that this a common and very complicated mental illness. You are not alone and thousands before you have learnt to deal with this aspect of their lives. We all need a little help at times and a little bit of understanding from those around us. In short, it will definitely get better. There is no quick fix, no medication, therapy or reassurance will make it go away altogether EVER! It is just an aspect of our lives we have to manage by doing things that we find effective.

I began smoking, drinking, failing Uni and failing in relationships for a period of time when I didn't understand what is wrong with me, but then I read up about it after being diagnosed and my life started making sense. I highly recommend reading and researching as much as you can, this is such a broad illness with so many different layers. My biggest fears were addressed on line and I felt relieved other people had experienced the same traumatising thoughts. My best tips are:

- research

- cease drinking until you see your medical professional (alcohol is a depressant and only heightens the OCD the following days), it is temporary relief but only exacerbates symptoms after.

- talk to someone you trust

- see a Psychiatrist over a Psychologist if you are able to.

- do things you find therapeutic - mine was listening to foreign music because I couldn't understand the words and thus could not psychoanalyse my thoughts surrounding the words.

- do not engage with the thoughts - even telling yourself "No I am not ____" or "No, this did not happen", will continue this persistent cycle of obsessive thoughts. Try your best to not engage (this is the hardest aspect and often you will seek reassurance to make you believe that you are not what your OCD says you are).

- The violence is not you. The best advice my Psychiatrist gave me was if your thought is completely out of character and often unsubstantiated then it is an OCD thought. If you are not violent often, if you have rumination about murdering animals with a knife but have never murdered an animal, never cut someone with a knife etc then it is highly likely that is an OCD thought and unsubstantiated.

This will not ruin your life. IT will not bring you down. Therapy, medication, close family/friends, honesty and education will get you through. There is always a brighter day.