Scared of being in house alone

[contrarymary]

I have a number of health issues but none really impact on my day to day life I can still do things I want and 2 days a week I look after my grandchildren. I live with my husband we are in our early 60s

my problem is if I in the house myself I get very stressed and think something is going to happen to me eg collapse. I have never had this problem before but in the last couple of months it has got really bad. All the time I am alone I pace the floor getting more and more stressed.

i spoke to my Gp and he did not offer much in the way of a solution.

anyone got any ideas, I might only be by myself a couple of times a week for a couple of hours

[leesy_lou]

Hi Contrarymary,

Sounds like the idea that something bad will happen during those time when you are alone is incredible stressful and not having the solution at the moment, well adds to this. Correct me if i'm wrong, but it seem like its more the stress of something bad happening rather than the event itself that you would like support on is that right? like how to manage the anxiety you feel when you are home alone?

I noticed that you have created some previous threads regarding your anxiety at night, and the impacts stress has had on your body and health. I'm getting a sense that you are not new per-say to the feelings of anxiety, but that this new/current experience is different in that it is during the day specific to when you are alone.

Maybe it would be helpful for us to know what you have tried so far to manage the stress that isn't working so we can begin brainstorming some alternative solutions?

[Blake_S]

Hi contrarymary,

Thank you for posting and letting us know a little bit about what has been going on for you.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling very stressed and fear that something bad will happen to you if you stay home alone. I can imagine that it is a very difficult and distressing position to be in, especially since it has only been happening the past couple of months. I'm glad you reached out for some advice!

Sometimes, when we are stressed we need to find ways of trying to relax, to calm down the stress response that is currently firing away within us. I have provided a couple of ideas, with links to information provided by Beyond Blue to give you some guidance and support in the management of your stress. Here are a couple of ideas:

- What has worked for you in the past to calm down general stress? Is there anything that you can do, that you know helps lessen the intensity of the stress? Perhaps a hobby.
- Engaging in some relaxation activities is another way to help lower the amount of stress you experience. These relaxation activities can include breathing exercises and muscle relaxation. Have you ever tried these before?
- Reducing Stress: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/reducing-stress
- Relaxation Exercises: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises
 
Let me know if you end up using any of these, and how they went for it. If these don't work, also let me know because we can move onto another solution!

Than you for reaching out for help, we are all here to support you.

All the best,
Blake_S

[InhaleExhale]

Hi Contrarymary,

That sounds really anxiety provoking, believing you might become ill when there is no one home.

I believe there are options around having a panic button which you keep around your neck in case you need help and pushing the button calls a loved one or emergency services. Maybe this could be an option to help relieve your anxiety?

Sorry to hear that you are stressed at the moment.

InhaleExhale.

[contrarymary]

In regard to my anxiety especially at night not being able to sleep and pacing the floor. For some reason I was waking up at midnight even if I had only been asleep for 30 minutes. So I started staying awake till midnight lying in bed reading or doing puzzles and putting light off after 12. I have since been sleeping till 7am. Also my other posts where I was anxious and stressed thinking I was going to have a heart attack. I have had every test the doctor could think off for my heart all ok. I spoke to a psychologist and was given some breathing exercises and to try some hobbies and more exercise. I still have days when I feel really bad but have learnt to accept that I don't have heart problems. I am accepting that I am one of these people who thinks every small thing is serious eg headache is a brain tumour

[leesy_lou]

Contrarymary,

I appreciate you being open about your experiences. Broken sleep and being so awake in the middle of the night would have been stressful, I can relate to this. I can imagine it would have impacted on your days as well so I'm glad to hear you have since found some relief from this. Having to accept that things are okay with your health does sound challenging and I feel like for me having to "ignore my gut" would be a really had mental battle but is possible and something appropriate, which is comforting in itself.

From what you are saying it seems like having strategies to cop during these times when you are home alone is really most helpful in the moment? And that you have already have tried a few things that you have used to manage your stress in other situations but they are not helping enough for this situation?

I can see how accepting that you are someone who is thinks and worries deeply about health and worries would be really helpful, especially in the long term. But on the other hand I can imagine that right now, or when you are home alone, the knowledge of this itself isen't enough. What do you find has been most helpful so far?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi contrarymary,

Thanks for your post and I can see that you've been offered so much wonderful support already so I'll try not to echo them too much.

What I did want to say though, is that I have collapsed on the floor - at home- alone. I wanted to share this with you because this is your worst case scenario. Yes, it was awful, but I was okay.

Often distraction type activities can be helpful but I also think it's worth taking a moment and thinking about your worst case scenario and letting it play out (completely!) in your mind. You'll probably find that the build up of this situation is causing you more worry than what it would be like if it actually happened.

Some food for thought perhaps?

rt

[Croix]

Dear Contrarymary~

I have read though all the 26 times you have posted here in the Support Form, with various debilitating conditions including those similar to heart problems.

I've been in A&E for exactly that and like you, found there was no physical reason for it.

Happened more than once in fact, plus other physical symptoms too over the years.

I know the reason and can accept that they are symptoms of my Mental Health condition, PTSD, bouts of depression and constant anxiety. Sadly the body manifests these conditions in such ways and it take a lot of tests to convince the medical professional there are not physical causes.

May I quote you a phrase you wrote before -

"My parents were strict my father a soldier who treated his children like
recruits- beaten for speaking out of turn or making a noise hence I
don't speak unless asked a question and then only say what's needed."

You had a very hard childhood, even being sent away from home to live for a while. As you say yourself it left you not wanting to talk and open up to others, after all if you did it to your dad the chances were it would end unhappily.

Such things in childhood can shape our lives in unexpected ways, abuse is an injury that has deep and long lasting effects.

May I ask you if you have related this to a competent psychiatrist, or even psychologist, who specializes in childhood trauma? Not an easy thing to do and maybe even something you had previously discounted as a side issue. My trauma cam somewhat later in life, but though considerably older than yourself still suffer those physical symptoms that have no other cause from time to time.

Croix

[contrarymary]

Hi

Thanks for your response. I have been to see a physiologist they did not discuss or ask about my childhood as did think it relevant to my issues of today. I have also spoken to my GP he does not see it as relevant either. Over the past year my husband and I have joined a few groups and go to regular meetings I will listen and answer any questions but cannot get up and speak or start a conversation - I often take my sister who is the opposite of me and doesn't stop talking.

Whilst I still think there is something wrong me I have had tests for everything and blood tests galore so I am physically OK but I don't think I am one twinge and that's it I am off again. I think it is partly boredom we have our 2 year old grandson 2 days a week and those days I don't have time to imagine what illness I have.

I am making a determined effort to think positive thoughts each day

[Emmen]

Hi contrarymary,

You've mentioned that you don't think about your "illnesses" when you have your grandson over. I think that's an indicator that distraction does in fact work for you. Are there other activities you are interested in, or are willing to participate in that may take your mind off this? It could be picking up a new hobby or returning to a past hobby.

On the topic of speaking, are you comfortable writing your thoughts down? I used to write a lot because I didn't feel comfortable talking, for a long time keeping my writing to myself. After some time I got the courage to show it to close friends. If not, an alternative could be an audio journal where you simply record yourself speaking to you about what you're feeling and the things in your past that you need to come to terms with.

Warmly,
M