Scared I may never be able to work again

[Katherine22]

Hi just looking for some support from people that understand.

Ive had depression and anxiety for a long time. I’ve had more jobs than I can count and have big issues with keeping them because of anxiety. I’ve left nearly all of my jobs because I become overwhelmed with anxiety and can’t face anyone and don’t go back. I tried so hard to not do this and tell myself every job that I won’t let it happen again. I hate letting people down and it totally throws my life out of whack for weeks and leaves me depressed beyond belief. I’m only mid 40’s and am so worried I just can’t hold a job down successfully anymore. Anyone else have this destructive pattern with anxiety? Thanks very much

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Katherine,

I feel for you. I felt your frustration and feelings of discouragement through your words. But I also think you’re very self aware and I admire how you’re trying to improve your work situation.

I think trying to hold down a job while struggling with anxiety and depression isn’t always easy. I feel for you and feel that I understand where you’re coming from.

While I haven’t had the same employment struggles as you, it often is a struggle for me to get to work and get through each work day. I know that’s not the same as what you’re going through, but I do understand to some extent.

Your anxiety, in particular, seems to really take its toll in terms of job stability. I wonder if there was a common denominator in all your past jobs that perhaps triggered your anxiety (e.g. were they all in the same sector?) In which case, maybe it could mean looking elsewhere (e.g. different industry, etc) for something more suitable. I’m wondering because maybe if you could pinpoint a reason, perhaps you could come up with an alternative career plan. Just a little idea of mine...

Also, I’m just wondering if you have much professional support at the moment. If not, I think perhaps that’s something you might like to consider, because if there were more strategies in place to help you manage your anxiety better, perhaps that would help you in terms of job stability.

Those are just some of my ideas. I don’t know if they are very helpful or not. But I still wanted to share them with you, in case it might give you something to draw upon 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Doolhof]

Hi Katherine,

Depression and anxiety can be overwhelming at times. Pepper has responded well and come up with some great ideas, especially regarding if there may be something with in the work places that are triggering you.

If you don't mind me asking, have you asked anyone for support in any of the places you have worked? Have people made you feel uncomfortable due to your anxiety and depression, or is it just how you feel that makes you need to leave?

I have not worked for a while now due to mental health issues, hospitalisation and physical health issues. One thing I do now is volunteer work. It does not bring in an income, but I am hoping I will gain a greater sense of my own abilities and eventually find paid work again.

I have been assisting in a home for the elderly and feel quite humble when the staff state they appreciate my efforts and assistance. It helps build my belief in myself.

Hope you can find ways to work on your anxiety and depression.

Cheers from Dools

[RoadToRecovery1001]

Hi Katherine22,

I completely understanding where you're coming from as I've done this a couple of times myself. Most recently, I left my safe, secure and stable job a few months ago for a higher paying and more demanding role. Unfortunately I didn't cope to well and suddenly resigned from the new role. Having had time to think things over, I believe my behavior stems from feelings of inadequacy and low-self-esteem.

I think the key to resolving this issue is to challenge any negative beliefs you may have with more rational and realistic thoughts. Instead of saying "I'll never understand this" or "they made a mistake hiring me", change your thoughts to "I'm new. It takes time to adjust to a different role. I will eventually get the hang of things". In my case, negative thinking creates a chain reaction in my mind, where one negative thought leads to another and another. Before I know it, I'm completely overwhelmed and feel like I cannot cope.

Also, its best to chose a role that plays to your strengths and isn't to far removed from your skill set when deciding on what to do next (this is the mistake I made). Maybe writing down a list of your likes/dislikes in the workplace can help you with this.

While I know most of this advice is easier said than done when anxiety overwhelms you, I think it can help to put things into perspective. I've come to the realization that we're all capable of change with the right support and an ability to challenge how realistic our thoughts actually are. I hope this helps and wish you all the best in the whatever role you take on next 🙂

[Katherine22]

Hi Pepper, thanks so much for your message.

I think yes regarding triggers; the ones I can think of are; passive aggressive bosses in two workplaces plus some bullying also in a previous position. I have changed career in the last few years to something I really enjoy but I again had to deal with a passive aggressive boss and I couldn’t handle it. I actually feel I let them win in a way as I left because of it. This last person knocked my confidence big time in how they treated me and I felt I wasn’t good enough or capable.

Ive had a few professional positions that I felt lucky to get but now I feel like I’ve had all my good opportunities and leaving like this all of a sudden I end up with no job, no references to gain another job and feeling very depressed.

I also have seen a psychologist for 4 years now

[Katherine22]

Hi Dools, thanks so much for your reply.

I have in my last two workplaces revealed my anxiety as I thought before I leave what have I got to lose. So I tried explaining and both workplaces were understanding.it doesn’t really matter though if you can’t get yourself there bcos at the end of the day they need someone to show up and do the work everyday and the guilt of taking a few days off often spirals into I can’t go back and I feel ashamed I let them down and end up resigning.

[Katherine22]

Hi RoadToRecovery1001, thanks very much for your message.

Well you have 100% hit the nail on the head! I do feel I have low self esteem and feel inadequate also. Ive thought a lot about it recently and I have never felt good enough. I believe it comes from my childhood.

I also have had stable professional positions and I guess I never feel like I should of got the position(if you know what I mean) like I don’t deserve it and im just gong to fail. So a self fulfilling prophecy I guess 😕

I want so badly to break this cycle

[ash480]

Thank you for sharing this Katherine, I see myself in your story and I've come on the this website to look for answers. After reading your post, I don't feel so alone.

[Katherine22]

Hi ash480, I’m glad it has helped you in some way. There are a lot of people that have similar issues and no you are not alone. It’s a great support on here and I hope some of us can help you also xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Katherine and All Reading,

Recently I have been reading about self-acceptance and self-compassion. It is making me realise how easy it is for me to put myself down at times and believe the negatives my mind tells me.

Hopefully we can all work on ways to build up our self-esteem, believe in ourselves and find things we are good at and be proud of the fact!

Cheers to you all from Dools