running low on motivation and self-esteem

[cacti]

I am having tremendous difficulties getting over failure and unsatisfactory work results. Me being that one hardcore academic who performs poorly in every aspect of life except for academics and arts makes it easy to develop an obsession for academic achievements.

I've been failing my own standards pretty hard for the past months even though I study for hours. My social anxiety grew exponentially and my odd temper has been driving my friends away. I'm worried that I won't be able to pursue an ideal career if this carries on. I doubt my intellectual abilities every second minute. I always am apologetic towards the people around me whom I've been nasty to so I would avoid them more. I can't sleep nor eat normally. I wake up mid-night and cry in our backyard like . Nothing I do seems to satisfy me as long as my performance isn't perfect.

I got another score back today and I am falling behind on ranks, used to be top of the year in chem and bio but currently I am hardly top 10. I loathe myself for having absolutely zero talent in anything besides studying, if I'm like this now what am I going to do in the near future? Am I supposed to give it all up and aim for an ordinary pathway instead because I am just mediocre? I have no one to talk to on these problems as by doing so it'd put pressure on them or in some ways sabotage their mental health.

Now I'm lying down not willing to do anything useful, there's another exam coming up and I can't even bring myself to study for it, I'm just so done, it'd be easier if I just cease to exist one day. As a kid I've always dreamed of becoming a pioneer scientist but now it'd sound like a joke. Is it all inside my head or is it already too late

[Sophie_M]

Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need as we know it hard going through this alone.

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

If you’d like there is always support which may be helpful and your always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline  They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. In addition there is Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.
 

[Sophia16]

Hi cacti,

First off, you are never too late to achieve a goal. Especially a career path you have been dreaming of since you were a kid.

You do not need to be in the top 10 to achieve a dream. There are 1000 pathways to get what you want. Tafe, college, early entry, etc.

Please never give up on what you want to achieve. What you are going through is all just temporary and trust me in a years time you will look back and say to yourself 'why was I even stressing?'

Stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

[Mbnbkk_jmnmnm_impuju_um_m]

Gee, I would be proud of myself for even passing. Chemistry is no cake walk- you must have a lot of self discipline and brains to navigate your way through it. To be honest you sound like you really have a lot going for you and possibly you can’t see it.

[Miz]

Hi Cacti,

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this. I think it's important to remember that in the scheme of things these tiny slips in ranks really do not matter. A lot of brilliant scientists are the way they are because they are creative and have a passion for what they do. I promise you that they did not all come first in all their subjects. It sounds like you're getting really overwhelmed and I think the best thing woul dbe to take a short break from your study to get some fresh perspective. There are so many pathways to succeed in life and school marks really do not matter down the track. Try and do something else for yourself. You mentioned you like art - maybe getting a bit creative and using this as an outlet?

Here to talk more if you need. But take it from someone who struggled in school and is now working in science - you will be okay. Even if that's hard to believe at the moment.

[jaz28]

Hi Cacti,

Please know that we are all prisoners to our own standards. It is hard when you let yourself down.

Something I live by is that if I put in my best that's all I can do. Even if my best at that time isn't my best ever, it's the best you can do given your circumstances, mental health etc. And - ranks aren't everything.

Is there a counsellor you could talk to at school?

Stay strong,

Jaz.

[Petal22]

Hi cacti,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry you are feeling this way.

Please be kind to yourself, I think you are still doing really well even if your not in the top 10…….

Anxiety can make things feel out of control……. when I had anxiety I had trouble eating, sleeping I seeked professional help……

If you are feeling distressed please make an appointment with your gp you could do a mental health plan together… this will enable you to see a psychologist….. who can help you with many things….

Have you thought about talking to your parents about the way you are feeling? I’m sure they would like to support you…

Im here to chat

[cacti]

Hello,

First of all thank you very much for taking your time to reply. I've discussed with my parents multiple times and they aren't very supportive of me getting professional help. Which is why I resorted to online platforms hoping there'd be someone for me to talk to without my parents finding out. Most of my family speak very harshly regarding my school work, it's difficult to have a calm conversation with them at times.

Regards

[cacti]

Hello,

Thank you for the reply. There is a school counselor who is very kind and willing to help and I talk to her from time to time. However I don't feel like it is giving me much long-term benefits as I always fall back to my obsessive mindset. I have no idea how I'll continue into highschool.

Regards

[Petal22]

Hi cacti,

Im sorry to hear your parents aren’t very supportive……..

Myself and other members of our kind and caring community are always here to chat to you anytime…….

It sounds to me like you are doing really well with your school work….

Practice speaking to yourself kindly tell yourself positive things about yourself….

When you are feeling overwhelmed practice slowing down your breathing…..

Practice meditation you could find a guided meditation on your phone…. Meditation is a great calming practice……..

Please be kind to yourself…. Tell yourself you are doing well and believe it…. No matter what others say to you …… you have your own mind and you can choose to tell yourself good things about yourself no matter what others have to say…

Please chat to me any time 😊