Relapsed..again.

[Mel...]

Hi BB community,

I haven't posted for 3 years, almost exactly to the day. I logged in to look at my previous posts to see if I could gain any guidance from them. It seems my current situation is almost exactly as it was 3 years ago - anxious, panic attacks, tired, scared, depressed. I thought reading back on my posts from 3 years ago would be provide me with some assurance that everything is going to be okay, but for some reason they just made me feel sadder than I am having to face this all again.

I recently finished university and am struggling to find a job, I have been 6 months without work now. I feel like sitting at home all day alone is bad for my mental health but I struggle to leave the house unless it is walking my dog, or visiting friends. I was suppose to work for a friend this morning but ended up having a panic attack and couldn't go. Instead I spent today making appointments - doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist. Man, it's so hard being back here again, knowing what the next month holds.

Any words of wisdom or success stories would be greatly appreciated especially in regards to relapsing, changing anti-depressants etc.

Thanks team.

[Doolhof]

Hi Mel,

Welcome back! Sometimes we need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, have a look around and see which direction we want to go.

I'm pretty sure none of us really wand to head back into depression, sometimes it can just happen.

Congratulations to you though for making all of those appointments. Sometimes even that is a hard thing to do.

You know where you don't want to be, so that has to be a positive in a way. I know where I don't want to be, so I need to find ways to get to a stage where I feel comfortable, than push on from there when I have the energy to do so.

Like my psychologist says, you can't climb a mountain all in one go, you have to do it in stages.

One strategy at a time and you can make a difference to how you are feeling. It may be a case of 2 steps forward and one back, at least you are attempting to make a difference!

Cheers from Dools

[MsPurple]

HI Mel.

And welcome back, sorry it is because you are not in the best headspace.

I know how sucky it is to feel like you have taken sever steps back in terms of your mental health. I am glad you have booked some appointments with your gp and pscyh. It can be a hard step to take but a necessary one if you want to overcome this.

I also know what it is like to finish uni and struggle to find work. I finished my masters in 2015 and I am still looking for work in my field. I did work in it for 9 months however the pay was terrible and there was no way I could continue in that position and support myself financially so I had to resign and find other work. What I did was find work in any area and take it (I went back to being a waitress) then when I found a job closer (in an office) to my field I left that for a career based job. Yes it isn't ideal, but we need to pay the bills somehow.

Just take it day by day. Make sure you do self care. Walk the dog, exercise, meditate, have a bath etc. Take at least 10 minutes a day for self care. I find this helps me especially when I am having a bad day and just want to stay in bed.

[Mel...]

Hi Dools,

Thanks for your response and your insightful words, it really does help knowing that other people go through the same thing.

I have successfully seen my doctor this morning, so that feels good! Hope you are having a successful day too.

Mel.

[Mel...]

Hi MsPurple,

I have this strange idea that doing any job will feel so unfulfilling and make my depression and anxiety worse. I guess having a reason to get up in the morning, somewhere to go and a wage would help but I am wondering how I get over the anxiety of not working in my field.

Self care is so important right? it's when you are doing all the right things (exercise, mindfulness) and still feeling average that is so disheartening. I guess it's just process. Day by day, like you said.

Mel.

[Doolhof]

Hi Mel,

The words I wrote I need to practise myself! In writing comments for others I am helping myself as well, reminding myself of strategies to use.

It can seem frustrating when we try so hard yet we don't feel any better for all the effort we put in. I am starting to slowly realise that we can't feel great all of the time, that just isn't possible. I need to accept the unpleasantness, not rebel against it as I think I have been doing lately.

Good to know the Drs appointment went well. I have had a good day thank you and hope to continue along in the same fashion until I go to bed. I realise I start to feel a bit "lost" in the afternoons and early evenings for some reason lately, so if I plan and scheduled things for myself to do, hopefully I will cope better.

Let's try and release the feeling of being so disheartened and praise ourselves when things do go well, like you getting to the Dr today!

I went for a longish walk and attended the craft group today! A couple of plusses for me and I am up to date with my online study! Yah!

Wishing you encouragement to keep on finding ways to make changes!

Cheers from Dools