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Pushing that same boulder

Community Member

I’m first time writing on here. 
I am unsure if I’m in the right place. 
you see I’ve been pushing that same boulder up the hill, I’m Sisyphus,

I did the right thing I helped someone and all it did was allow me to have everything taken from me. 
I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I’ve been given a task. 
I’ve been doing that task and it’s been horrible but familiar. Now I don’t have to do that task anymore and I’m trying to work out what I’m here for and why it’s still hurting so badly if I’m not doing it anymore?

I’ve read all the books i know all the answers, I mean anyone on here willing to talk does.

(Let me give anyone advice and a diagnosis).
That’s not what I’m after. 

I want to know how do you do it? Where do you start?

what exactly is the answer?

I’ve checked the back of all of those books, it’s not in there. Now that I can move in any direction I can’t move. 
I’m not having trouble taking steps I’m having trouble making any sense of my steps, they don’t have meaning. I don’t have direction. I used to be strong and powerful with direction, now who am I?

who is Sisyphus without a hill?

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Sisyphus


I've found that steps have little meaning or feel to them without a goal. This is something I've just discovered for myself at 53. Stepping stones heading towards somewhere feel like points of progress and there is a sense of satisfaction in that. There's a sense of achievement with every step forward, whether that step in on level ground or up a hill. 


It's such a tormenting feeling, not have a sense of direction. At times I'd compare it to the feeling of sitting alone at crossroads in the middle of nowhere, with my head buried in my lap while in state of despair. There is no directional sign and not a single guide in sight. It has a kind of waiting feel to it, while waiting for some guide to show up in life and say 'This way' and it turns out to be the right way.


I truly feel for you, given your last mammoth task, one that led to some form of sufferance. If it's in our nature to please and to serve in some way, sometimes we end up being the last person we please and serve well. At the end of such a challenge, who are we if we have stopped pleasing and serving others? Are we someone who waits for the next person to please and serve in some way, for some sense of fulfillment? That nature is just a part of us, not entirely who we are. Perhaps the question comes down to 'If the pleaser or helper or server in me is just one facet that makes up who I am, how many more facets are there and how do I discover them and bring them to life?'.

Community Member

It sounds like you’ve been an amazing and strong kind and hardworking person, with a big burden on your shoulders that has recently been lifted. 
my understanding from what you wrote is that you feel sad. 
you feel very down. 
you are experiencing grief perhaps.

And I just want to say that there is no rule or set time frame for grieving or processing that sadness. There is no right or wrong way to go about it. 
And while you feel like you need the next thing the next mission the next identity please consider giving yourself plenty of grace and compassion first. 
don’t rush it, you will find it. 
allow yourself time to feel and heal. 

wag x