Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder

[KMF]

Struggling today.

I was diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder last year (it took over 20 years to really narrow down what was happening).

The anxiety I’m experiencing today is difficult. I am constantly having thoughts that I’m not good enough and questioning my existence in this world. 

Managing this chronic health condition (the main symptoms are depression and anxiety) is taking its toll. I’m currently on a waiting list to see a PMDD specialist - I’ve been on this list for almost two years. 

I just needed to reach out today to vent. Thanks for reading my post. 

[Eagle Ray]

P.S. Just rereading Kulkarni's article, I don't think it contradicts Louise Newson after all. I misread the bit on hormone therapy.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Cellone,

 I just thought I’d mention a podcast I listened to last night that I found very helpful in understanding how perimenopause affects the brain and mental health. It was on the Liz Earle Wellbeing podcast and is called How Hormones Influence the Brain, With Professor Jayashri Kulkarni. Professor Kulkarni has been looking at the links between perimenopause and mental health impacts on women for a long time and is really onto it. I’m finding her work and that of Dr Louise Newson who has regular podcasts on perimenopause and menopause to be so helpful. Both are way ahead of many others in the medical profession.

 I just wanted to share those as potentially helpful resources.

Best wishes,

ER

[Mountainlilly50]

Hello ER ,thank you for recommending the Liz Earle pod cast ,I found it very helpful ,as I'm relating to most of the syptoms that have been mentioned in these posts ,so please listen to this podcast its very good and makes you feel there is hope 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Mountainlilly50,

I’m so glad it was helpful. It’s so validating isn’t it and Prof Kulkarni has got so much insight into what is still not very well understood in much of the medical profession. Yes, the feeling of hope is so important.

[ss0]

Hi,

I honestly don't know how you must be feeling hearing about your condition. It must be hard. But you are strong and you are going to make it through this. Just take one day at a time. If you want someone to talk to, I am here.

[Annas1]

Good Morning KMF and Eagle Ray,

thanks so much for sharing your experiences and reflections on the devastating/overwhelming impact that hormonal changes can have for women in relation to our mental health.

I too would now describe my perimenopausal decade as a PMDD-like syndrome. I have lived with anxiety (predominantly social anxiety) since adolescence, and experience insomnia and extreme physical activation coupled with exhaustion when my anxiety cannot be assuaged. It is an awful condition to live with, in that it interrupts so many aspects of life - work, study, relationships - and swallows up so much energy which could be devoted to more useful and enjoyable things.

I have been on a very windy journey to address, accept and work with my anxiety and I have come a long way since automatically feeling ashamed, flawed, and helpless. Nonetheless, I can still feel all these things when the stakes seem high (a professional or educational milestone is at risk, or a relationship may be damaged). Engaging with peers who understand the enormous physical and psychological challenges that anxiety and depression create has been a source of much needed validation and support. No two experiences are identical, but there is a lot of compassion and non-judgement that fellow travellers can offer each other.

I am currently experiencing a typical Christmastime anxiety spike, despite having done my very best to manage expectations and enjoy the social opportunities that abound. I try to remind myself that I am fortunate to have so many happy invitations to gather and connect, and I am truly grateful to have these good people in my life. However, I am also truly overwhelmed and suffering, and all the old symptoms have returned with gusto.

I am now coming to terms with the best option to care for myself this year, and it likely means not travelling to share Christmas with my sister and her family. Setting out on a trip (itself anxiety-inducing for me) already feeling overwhelmed is neither smart nor kind. So, this means letting a small number of people down (my sister and family and my husband), risking feeling a failure/weak/hopeless, and struggling to find contentment and self-acceptance when I can't do the normal/desired/expected thing. Ahhh! Hard stuff indeed.

If I decide to call the trip off I can envisage a more confident me moving into a mindset of acceptance, even while genuinely regretting having to make the change in arrangements. I would like to be this person who can look after myself in the best way I know how, and not feel ashamed about needing to do this. I still love and want to connect with my family, and can manage this by phone and video. And some close friends are in town, so the option of a casual drink is available. 

So, yes, the road is windy and anxiety can still spike and be quite unmanageable at times for me, but I'm learning that I need to step up and care for myself despite the inconvenience and my instinct to stay silent and suffer.

I welcome any thoughts you may have. Go well all,

Annas

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Annas,

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this difficult journey too. It sounds like you have really reflected on the planned visit with your sister and her family and have sensed what the best outcome will be for you. It’s not easy though is it. As we can want to connect with others but also our intuition is telling us what we need for self care. I currently see a psychologist and when I am trying to figure something out she will suggest I feel into it to sense what is right intuitively. Often our bodies know what feels right and what we need, but it can be easy to fall into doing what we think others expect or expectations we put on ourselves. The fact you can envisage a more confident you moving into a mindset of acceptance if you call the trip off, it sounds like your intuition has sensed what you need.

 I think so many women stay silent and suffer with these extreme hormonal dysregulations because they are not often openly discussed nor understood very well by the wider society. And some women have very few symptoms so they don’t really grasp what women who are really struggling are dealing with. I was talking to a friend who is 63 the other day. The only symptoms she had were some hot flushes and she said she was slightly grumpy for a while. I’ve had almost no hot flushes. Primarily it has been really extreme anxiety and depression and getting very little sleep, often only about 3-4 hours a night. For some women the drastic drop in oestrogen really affects multiple areas of the brain. It also leads to a drop in serotonin and melatonin, hence the feeling really bad and not sleeping. I’ve just picked up a prescription for HRT which I will be starting today. It will be interesting to see what effects it has.

The extreme physical activation coupled with exhaustion you describe sounds very familiar to me. I find I am in intense anxiety and then my system goes down with overwhelm. There are many days I have just sat for 4-5 hours in one place, unable to move or function to do anything. Other times I am frozen in my bed curled up in a ball. I am scared to unwind myself from there as I’ve felt unsafe if I do. It’s utterly horrendous. I also find I can be doing sort of ok and then in a matter of a few minutes I can rapidly decline into extreme distress.

 I find being in nature is helpful. Yesterday I was lying down in a park in a nearby town. I actually fell asleep for a bit which was so good as I’m not getting much sleep. I think when going through these things we have to practise more self-care than ever. So I think everything you write about self-care makes total sense. It is very true that you can still catch up with friends in town for a casual drink even if you don’t travel to your sister’s place. It is looking for what is manageable. You sound like you’ve done some really good processing around these issues. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and can find whatever it is that helps alleviate the spikes in anxiety and gives you some reprieve and space to gently self-care.

Sending you care, support and gentleness,

Eagle Ray

[Annas1]

Thank-you so much for your kindness and thoughtful response Eagle Ray. I will write again once a bit rested.

Go well,

Annas

[KMF]

Thank-you for your reply and apologies about the slow reply! When in the midst of PMDD symptoms it is easy to forget that it will pass. I am currently day 7 of my cycle and feeling so much clearer than a few days ago. I am 45 years old and are noticing that my symptoms of PMDD are creeping into the first 4-5 days of my period. In the past they would stop once I started bleeding but this is changing somewhat.

[KMF]

Thanks for sharing Stace37. I have been listening to the PMDD podcast and have found it really beneficial. I was listening to it yesterday and an episode discussed relationships (and the guilt etc that can follow after PMDD symptoms have subsided once bleeding starts).