Postpone or persist?

[Ashleelhsa]

I am struggling whether to decide to go forward with something or not. I have suffered anxiety for over 7 years. Since it came on, it's symptoms have been debilitating and are extremely physical. I get a foggy head, dizzy, feel really confused, can't hold a conversation with anyone and also feel excruciating pain in my entire body (from burning, to aching to stabbing pains). When it gets bad I can't move for weeks / months at a time. I eventually started taking medication which has been life changing but I still regularly experience debilitating days. As much as I have good days, the bad days are just as painful and debilitating and I still feel like they have complete hold over me. I don't know when they will come on, how long they will last and how bad I will feel. On top of this, I suffer dissociation where I feel like i lost connection with reality and myself. That is the most scary experience of all.

I am currently seeing a psychologist as my symptoms have returned. I have some really important commitments / work opportunities coming up. As I have struggled with work since having anxiety, it is one of the biggest things I've taken on since and it is my absolute honour to have the opportunity. As much as I want to persevere with every part of me, I continue to suffer debilitating symptoms every few days. It is hard to describe it but it completely overwhelms me and exhausts me. I understand my psychologist wants to encourage me to try new things but my gut is saying no. It is causing me to have really bad thoughts and feelings of wanting to run away. I don't feel ready yet. My psychologist claims this is just fear, and overcoming it will help my anxiety, but I feel these are sort of 'generic' respons and that there is a lot more to it (a bad day isn't just a headache, its complete debilitation). I want with every part of me to do this, but I am still so ill. I feel like my psychologist isn't really hearing me. I know her desire is to encourage me, but is making me feel frustrated and worse. 😞 Sorry for the long thread. Any thoughts / opinions would be greatly appreciated.

[JessF]

Hello Ashleelhsa, I think the first thing to do is to be very honest with your psychologist about how she is making you feel. The last thing she would want to do is discourage you, so if you were able to tell her that she is pushing too hard, then you can come up with a plan together for doing things in smaller steps.

The symptoms you're feeling sound very frightening and overwhelming. Have you been to see a GP to rule out other causes for the symptoms?

Doing things in small steps is the key. You mention some big opportunities coming up. Can you think about them one by one, organise them by date, and plan for them that way? Are there others at work who you can call on to support you?

To answer the question in the title of your post, I think you should persist of course 🙂 . But on your terms and in steps that you can manage.

Hope to see you post again soon.

[EllieC]

Hey Ashleelhsa

Some of the anxiety symptoms you have struggled with sound awful! Considering that it's pretty extraordinary that you have achieved what you have. You should definitely pat yourself on the back for that 🙂

I really agree with JessF - it's really important that all of us with anxiety persist in trying to expand our comfort zones, build emotional strength and coping skills and do the things that make us happy. But we have to do so in a way that's right for us. So whatever you decide, recognise it as you making an empowered choice about how to proceed in the best way possible.

And definitely speak to your psychologist, I think. Psychologists like to strike a balance between validating that it's okay and understandable to feel anxious and challenging your anxiety thoughts to encourage you to push yourself. I'm sure your psychologist would appreciate you gently telling them that you feel the balance has tipped too far towards challenge.

Ellie

[Jadessy]

Hi ashleelhsa what your going through must be so awful but I’m proud of you for being proactive and getting help and medication? In what way were the medications a lifesaver? I am currently deciding whether or not I’m going to take mine bec I had such a bad experience in the past with them (I was drinking at the time so prob why they didn’t work)

I have the same sometimes it’s soooooo overhelming and so dibilitating that I feel like I’m losing my mind I have the physical as well as the mental exhaustion from doing anything.

i also feel my psychologist isn’t listening to me properly just had the like you say generic response.

Could you maybe talk to her about it if you feel comfortable doing so and say that you want her to listen and actually listen to what you have to say?

sorry I’m rambling

brit

[Ashleelhsa]

Hi Brit,

Wow I have just come back on here (it's been months) and seen your response! Did you have any luck with going on another medication? I think that it is important to consider all you can about that medication and not make quick decisions without thinking. As much as is possible, do you research and try speak to others who have tried that medication. One challenge is that I have an ongoing chronic & debilitating symptoms that doctors often only know how to respond to with medication. So I am often knocking back their suggestions which is hard when you are reaching out to somebody for help. Seek as many resources as you can and only say yes to something you feel comfortable with, not matter how pushy someone is. Give the medication a chance to work. Try not to get on a vicious cycle of trying medication after medication. Then try what ever else you can do holistically to improve your mental health/wellbeing.

Thanks xx