panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[jacques]

Hi Amber,

yes my family knows all about my condition, and my future plans, they seem very concerned.

congratulations your site can now be searched on google, i am glad it worked.

i don't know why i push people away, i have done this all of my life, when someone gets close i usually cut contact with them, this will probably happen to me on this forum too.

i know i have not tried every possibility yet to get help, i just don't know if i want help, i feel safe in the situation i am in now, and i don't know if i will ever want it to change.

i seem to only like viewing animals at a distance, one of my mothers friends has a dog and i can't bring myself to even touch it, i just like watching animals in their native state, we have heaps of wildlife in our garden, birds, frogs, insects, and on the weekends i like sitting out in the garden and watching them going about their day.

yes i listen to Tara every night to put me to sleep, usually 1-2 podcasts per night, thank you so much for telling me about her, it does not have a long impact but relaxes me enough to go to sleep, even if only for a few hours.

bye

Jacques

[AGrace]

I'm glad your family are concerned, so they should be.

Having BPD I know pushing away all too well. For me it's about getting in first before they leave me. I guess it all stems from the fact that just about everyone left me in my life from the age of 6. 

If I start to see some signs from you I'll let you know. It could be one thing that you resolve here.

I also haven't missed the fact that you responded to just about everything except for the comments about your joy from reading the book 😄

A

[CMF]

Hi Jacques,

Sorry I havn't read all your posts as yet as my kids will be home from school soon.  I'm sorry for what you are going through but from what I have read I can definitely re assure you that nothing you say is offensive, annoying or too depressing for anyone. You deserve to have people care about you.  you are not a bludger, some people do take advantage of the system and they make it difficult for the genuine ones like yourself. you didn't ask for this to happen to you.  I am a single mum with 3 kids.  I rely on centrelink but I too am not a bludger.  I have 3 kids to look after on my own and live down to the last cent every week. people can judge as much as they like but behind every person is a reason they are the way they are. I think its great that you can come to this forum and reach out and Amber is and Angel.  Never feel bad for who you are and what you are going through. I suffer anxiety and depression, they are debilitating. I have to keep this short but I hope find what works for you to help you feel better.

[jacques]

Hi Amber,

 i didn't comment about the book because i thought you would have guessed i liked it by all of my posts:), thankyou for recommending more books, i will in the future try to obtain copies.

i am glad you know what is like to push people away, i have done this to friends, family and anyone else that comes into my life, i don't know why i just, one day get panic attacks about seeing that person and never go near them again.

bye

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Can't Move Forward,

i am always worried that something i say on here may upset people struggling with their own problems.

when you have friends, family and public figures telling you that you are a bludger all of the time you actually start to believe it, and i do realize their are people out there that do abuse the system, but that does not make it any better when people say these things to me.

i know what you mean about living down to the cent every week, over the past 7 years mum and i have had to go without food, medicine and we always paid bills late, (but we always paid them) life is so hard on new-start,, but my situation was made worse because my mother was the only one bringing in an income until recently.  i really feel for you having to support yourself and 3 kids to manage on one payment.

you are right Amber is amazing, she always responds to anything i say, even things most people back away from, thank you for reading my posts but i don't know if i will ever be in the right frame of mind to ever get help, maybe just temporary relief.

Bye

Jacques

[CMF]

I hear you and understand everything you are saying. It's a shame we let other peoples comments control how we think about ourselves. I do that too. I also understand how you feel re your frame of mind to get help. I also feel like that at times, that I'll never be forever happy, just spurts now and then. Take baby steps, do things at your pace. Look into a product called inositol. It's a natural sugar and helps with anxiety. It's helped me. You'll find it in health food stores. 

Good luck

[jacques]

Hi Can't Move Forward,

you are so lucky  you are able to experience some happiness, i have not been able to feel anything for such a long time, i seem to be emotionally numb, i feel nothing, as i have said to Amber i don't know if i even want help, things seem stable at the moment and i don't seem to like change for some reason.

thank you for recommending Inositol, i will look into it, i will be forced to go and see my doctor in 3 months time, i will ask him if he thinks it will be beneficial for me and make sure it will have no side effects with with i  am taking, i have to see my doctor every 6 months for script renewal, he wants me to go there every month, but i just can't bring myself to go.

bye

Jacques

[AGrace]

Well I guess I should be saying good morning, because it's nearly 1. Hopefully you are asleep:)

I wasn't expecting a comment about the book, I was looking for a comment on you feeling joy. I'm at least going to take the smiley face with it's tongue sticking out as a hint to how happy you were.

Hey have you visited the adaa site? They have some podcasts on their too. I'm actually going to watch the "Helping the Families of Those Who Refuse Treatment" one, I'll see if I can get any advice:D (I think it's quite fitting that they've done one just for me:))

Hey I have a couple of questions for you. How old were you when the panic attacks started? Did you get treatment for them then?

A

[jacques]

Hi Can't Move Forward,

You are so lucky to be able to feel happiness even if in spurts, i feel nothing i can only vaguely remember happiness, but it is difficult because it was so long ago, now all i feel is fear and anger, other than that i feel nothing.

i have just read up on the product you recommended, i will be forced to see my doctor in 3 months time, i will ask him about it, my doctor wants me to come in every month but i can only manage once every 6 months, because i need a script re-newel, otherwise i would not go there.

Thank you for trying to help me.

Bye

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Amber,

i have always enjoyed learning new things, whether it be reading or watching documentaries.  Everything i have learned has been self taught, computers, house repairs, woodwork, mechanical, i suppose this comes from necessity, mum and i have been under such financial strain in the past that i had to learn all of these skills to keep us going.  I think joy is too stronger word, maybe enjoyment would be a better word.

i got my first panic attack at the age of 5 years old, my preschool teacher send a letter home to my parents stating that i had separation anxiety, and trouble interacting with other kids, and a few other things, and i only started getting treatment for any of my mental problems 2 years ago, i was given a mental health plan, saw a councilor, a psychiatrist for one session, and a psychologist for one session, but could not make them understand i could not afford treatment and after 2 months stopped receiving treatment.  The only treatment i get now is medication in which i see the doctor twice a year.

Bye

Jacques