Overly protective of others?

[Eoeon]

Hi, I’m 17 years old and in my last year of high school.

I’m diagnosed with adhd and am suspected high functioning autistic. I’ve had verbal diagnosis of anxiety and PTSD.

when I was younger I had no friends, I was a strange kid so I kind of understand (I used to think I was a horse lmao)

id say I didn’t have any more than one close friend until high school, where I saw lots of groups of friends come and go.. I’d say about 9-10 groups of girls

Over time I started to become extremely protective of my friends, getting anxious whenever any of them took risks or seemed to be in a bad situation

i recently got together with a great guy, but some of our mindsets don’t match. He’s fine with taking risks, and thinks that consequences are important for learning and making better decisions in the future. I however, do my best to avoid conveniences at all cost.

i tend to get very worried about him, I hear something small goes wrong like he doesn’t have any University plans, or he bet some money, and I get extremely anxious, I feel nauseous and dizzy, and I tend to hide

i Would NEVER stop him from doing what he enjoys and I swear I am not controlling. His decisions are up to him and as long as he’s being smart and logical I love him either way. He’s a smart man and in general I don’t worry about him.

but I can’t stop it. Even if I know I shouldn’t be worried the symptoms take over me. He told me he doesn’t like that I worry all the time, and that I shouldn’t let his actions affect me. It kind of hurt my feelings and it made my anxiety worse.

i Know I have nothing to worry about and I want to stop being like this. I am medicated for anxiety but even with the medication I will sometimes crack at times that I can’t control, breathing is hard for a long time after too

what can I do to stop this? I don’t want anyone to feel at fault for my own disorders. Because it’s not them I should be worrying about, but myself.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

I also experience anxiety and can relate to this. I’m in my 40’s and both my son and my ex were the targets of my concern, and none too pleased about it. Fair enough as in a way they wear the brunt of it, right?

So as with all anxious thoughts, it’s important to challenge our thinking. You say you’re on medication and that’s great, I hope it’s helping. I wonder if you are working with a therapist or anyone in addition to this? The way we think, feel and behave are all interconnected and in examining that we can learn to better manage our anxiety and behavioural responses.

There are also some good resources online - just google challenging negative thinking. It can really help us to worry less, which in turn can improve our relationships with others and with ourselves.

There are also strategies you can use to help with physical symptoms, such as grounding, belly breathing or square breathing (I’m big on square breathing lately as it’s worked so well). You can also google these.

I hope that helps somewhat. But the other thing I want to say is go gentle on yourself. Anxiety and other mental health issues can be really hard to manage and not everyone gets that. You’re just doing your best and you’re obviously a very caring person.

Happy to chat more if you like 🙂

Katy