Hi Jr5251
Congratulations on making your first post and sharing your story. Sounds like you are a very loving attentive father and I understand your anxiety.
My son is now in his mid-twenties but I can clearly remember my high anxiety when he first discovered alcohol and was really too immature to understand the dangers. It is quite nerve racking when they are drinking heavily and, as in your case, socialising with older more worldly mates.
I talked to my son a lot about responsible drinking and about drugs. I think the key is to let them open up to you without judgement, so at least you know what’s going on. I heard a few things I wasn’t happy about (eg trying pot) but worked hard not to get angry and just listen and guide into a better direction.
You also, unfortunately, need to let them learn through their own mistakes. Despite being a good kid and successful uni student, my son made a few. Fortunately, nothing serious but enough to shake him up a bit and slow down on the drinking.
Most of all you need to trust that everything you’ve taught him, all the values you’ve instilled, hold firm as he finishes growing up. He may have an adventurous spirit but he’s still your son.
You might want to set him up with an Uber account, so he can always leave and get home if he’s ever uncomfortable or there’s trouble brewing. I funded one for my son because I knew he didn’t have the money and I didn’t want him on the train or in the car with a drunk driver. Worth every cent.
You’re going through a challenging time as a father. You can’t lock him up, so just be there for him—ready to listen when he needs you.
Hang in there. It does get better.
Kind thoughts to you
