Hi everyone,
Not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice, but I would just like a second opinion. I was diagnosed with GAD three and a half years ago, but for the past few months I've been struggling with OCD which I've never experienced ever, so OCD is still something new and scary to me due to its uncontrollable nature.
Anyways, these days I've been having a lot of intrusive thoughts, mostly around tidying and cleaning objects and myself. I find that I must be clean at a specific time each day. For example, I must shower at 9pm everyday, no later or my mind will spiral out of control. If I don't shower by then I will begin to feel dirty and disgusted, so much that it even becomes a physical sensation. I cannot seem to do anything else until I go shower because that urge is all that occupies my mind, and I begin to feel light-headed and dizzy and my brain feels like it's going to explode with the thoughts repeating over and over again. Sometimes, even just a few hours before showering I won't be able to stop thinking about it, it's like my brain keeps anticipating it and reminding me to not forget about it.
However the problem is that to my understanding, OCD is about repeatedly carrying out rituals or compulsions that are irrational, however showering daily is definitely a rational and normal thing to do, and it's not like I am showering multiple times a day to feel clean, thus I am stuck with the question "is this really OCD?" I find that after cleaning, I feel immediately relieved, no longer dizzy, like everything is at ease and I can continue with my work again. Sometimes I even shower earlier before the set time just so that I can be free of the obsessive thoughts later on.
It's definitely mind bogging because my brain knows it's something justifiable and that I have to eventually do it anyways, so it can fully control and convince me. However sometimes it's quite inconvenient to clean at the same time everyday due to my college schedule. My daily life is definitely disrupted from this thought, and it's just not showering, but many others I won't mention due to the character limit.
So, my question is, what do you call this behaviour? the need to do something at a certain time everyday otherwise it prevents you from doing anything else? I'm feeling overwhelmed because I am wasting so much time being bothered by this routine when I have many upcoming exams, which seems impossible to study for when my thoughts are stuck somewhere else 😞
