No motivation, no idea

[44Max44]

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've made a post on here.

A quick update on me is that my health anxiety is nowhere near as severe and as frequent as it used to be, although this whole Corona Virus thing has got me on edge admittedly.

(I'm not sure if this post belongs in the anxiety section, if not feel free to move it.)
Anyways, this post is about motivation, or rather my severe lack of it.

I've been stuck in the same spot since leaving Highschool. I haven't held down a job, I haven't studied anything, and I haven't done much of anything for a good 3+ years of my life now except sit at home. The problem is I have no clue whatsoever where to even start... and even if I did I doubt I'd have to motivation to actually do that thing...

I'm stuck. I have no idea what to do with my life.
I want to study, but don't know what to study, and don't want to make the wrong decision.
I want to work, but my anxiety makes the jobs I'd actually be comfortable doing very few and far between.

I'm seeing all my family and friends grow up around me, getting jobs, learning to drive, and actually get somewhere in life and here I am still stuck at square one. I'm sick and tired of relying on my parents when it comes to pretty much everything. I'm nearly 21 and still feel like a child in so many aspects of life. I'm losing hope for my future and fast. I used to look forward to my birthdays, but now all they do is mark another year of me doing nothing with my life.

If you told me 5 years ago that my biggest challenge in life would be depression & anxiety I would have laughed in your face, but now they pretty much control everything I do and every decision I make.



If there's anyone on here that has been in a similar situation, I'd very much love to hear how you got out of it. I'm really at a loss of what to do.

Thank you.

[smallwolf]

Hello.

My son finished high school a couple of years ago and started uni.

Did that for a term and didn't like it. Then started a exercise and fitness certificate. He became a qualified life guard and did a coaching course. He is now doing swim coaching work.

The reason I tell you this story is this... What things do you like? What are you passionate about?

It is better to do something you like than feel you are forced to do.

There was a time when my son didn't give coaching a second thought. Yet he found he likes it.

What sort of things do you like?

One of them might have a job possibility.

Tim

[44Max44]

That's the thing, there are so many jobs I'd love to do, but almost all of those things have very few career paths and the jobs for them are few and far between.

I love fishing, so things like working for the Department of Fisheries or something like being a marine biologist would be a perfect fit for me, but to get those jobs you first have to be qualified which is a task in itself and even if I was qualified it isn't guaranteed that there will even be any jobs available.

I just wish I had a mentor or something that could guide me down the path I need to go down because right now I have no sense of direction whatsoever.

[smallwolf]

So you like fishing?

What about working for someone that does fishing tours? Or you could work in a shop that sells fishing products? Perhaps find out what skills are needed to work on a fishing farm? While you are doing one of these jobs you could then search out for qualifications needed what to reach your goal - if that is the department of fisheries.

[Guest_4643]

Hi 44Max44.

I'm 20 & I'll be 21 this year also. I'm sorry that you're struggling.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same boat as you. I live in a small country town, and there's nothing for me Tim do. I can't get a job (never had one in general) although I'm willing to learn, I can't volunteer, I can't meet people in any groups, nothing, and I've tried everything, even went to the local Headspace Centre just to be made fun of because of my mental illnesses by the manager & group members, manager lost her job thankfully.

But enough about me, who cares. Do you have anything you enjoy? You could try looking into doing something from home for example, such as creating things? A lot of people do that these days, that way you can be in surroundings you know & feel comfortable in. Entirely up to you.

I'm sorry that I can't be of anymore help, I feel bad. But just know that I care and will try to support you in any way that I can, I'll do my best. I hope you find something and feel better, good luck.

Love and hugs,

Tayla

[44Max44]

Thank you Tayla, it means a lot.

I guess living close to the city I would have a lot more opportunities and stuff than a small town, but I still just don't know where to start. I guess I'm scared that I'll go down one career path, hate it, and then be back at square one.

IT and stuff to do with computers is one thing I'm good at but I'm not really sure if it's something I want to make a career out of. IT & Technology is the future and I'd probably make a lot of money if I went down that path, but I'm not in it for the money. I'd rather make a little bit of money doing a job I enjoy than make a lot doing something I hate.

Thank you and all the best

[44Max44]

Fishing or anything to do with animals or nature is my passion. I hate what we're doing to the planet and want to do whatever I can to help out, whether that be working at an animal rescue or whatever it may be. I've tried applying for jobs on fishing charters as a deckhand and at tackle stores, but never got any replies. I never even thought about working at a fish farm, that could work, although I'd feel bad for the fish.

Another problem I have is that I'm pretty dang socially anxious. I'll work and work in silence and just get things done, but if my job requires pretty much any interaction with anyone I'm worried I'll just look awkward and possibly give a bad rep to the place I'm working at.


Thank you for the replies

[Lyddie]

Hi 44max44,
You are not alone in these thoughts/worries. 🙂

I don't normally reply to posts, but I felt compelled to reply to yours, because I have been in/am in the same boat. I hope my post/advice can offer some light to your situation.

I find that focusing attention on other area's of life and trying new things have helped, such as;

-Going for driving lessons to obtain a Drivers license.
-Taking up exercise. (Even a walk or 2 a week)
-Short educational courses that don't require a major commitment.
-Volunteering. (Maybe email some Animal shelters/Pet shops in your area and see if you can volunteer?)
-Travelling.
-Taking up kick boxing.
-Learning to cook some new recipes.
-Taking up a new hobby.

But honestly, life does not have to be all about a job, education, and having a family or being Married by a certain age. We are all on different journeys in life, And it is ok to explore at your own pace. 🙂

You're still young and have plenty of time to figure things out. I am 27 and still trying to figure life out, but things have definitely improved and they can and will improve for you too.

I wish you all the best 🙂

[Guest_4643]

Hi Max.

I just wanted to pop on here and firstly say I'm so very sorry that I'm taking ages to reply, and just replying to you now. I haven't been on the forums much lately. So my apologies for that.

I also just wanted to check in with you to see how you are. I hope you're doing alright. I feel so bad for only replying now, I'm so sorry.

Love and hugs,

Tayla

[littleboots]

Hey Max I've read your thread. I'm sorry you are feeling like this right now. I think what you're experiencing is a lot more common that you'd imagine. When you're in the midst of it, it's hard to imagine how to proceed.

May I suggest that rather than trying to conquer the whole problem (what do you do with your LIFE) - you chip away at it.

What I mean is there is absolutely nothing wrong in you trying and trialling out stuff that you're interested in. You don't have to make commitments to anything if you're unsure. Actually, that would be unwise. But, despite no commitment, you can still give them a go.

So you mentioned fishing and IT but are not sure.

Instead of thinking that you need to enter an industry at the top, with degrees etc - why not enter at the bottom where you can get an idea of what is going on in that particular industry?

If you then see a career path open up in front of you, which amazingly is quite common, because you're there, working in that place and the bosses like your work ethic, then the choice is yours.

If you decide that you've seen enough and want to walk away - there's no loss at all.

If you decide that you want to be at the top end of the industry you might cut back hours or stop work completely and head off to get the right ticket. Then turn up there a few years later applying for that job.

You don't need to make decisions now that set you in concrete and the one direction for the rest of your life.

You have so many options that in fact, that's part of the dilemma. So, rather than tossing up all the pros and cons and becoming paralysed by it ALL. Stop, sit down and make a concerted effort to do one thing. Even something you know you won't like doing for ever. It's simply astounding how people network once they get out into society and you may fall over something that you never imagined you'd like but it becomes your passion.

Go do something, one thing - and leave the life long decisions for later on. Plenty of time for that. Plenty of time for you decide.

Try out fishing boat work, fish market work, retail etc. Broaden your horizons so you can get one foot in the door.

Someone I know went to work part-time in retail & now, only a few short years later, works for a global employer in his almost dream job. I say 'almost' bc he's keen to try new stuff even when he could decide to not experiment further.

Be brave Max - happiness isn't a destination it really is the journey! So start travelling soon.

All the best,

LB