Need help and advice.!

[iAMstuck]

Hello. I am new on here. I have been struggling with depression/anxiety for almost 2years now. I did get better a couple of times. But it keeps coming back. At the moment, I'm currently sharing a house with my mum, brother and my two children. Because I needed help with my girls so I could get better. It was going so well, I got off my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. Sorting my life out, like going to a career adviser to help me figure out what employment I want to persue and getting my citizenship so I can study. Then school holidays started, I just constantly started thinking about what I'm going to do with my life, like have I chosen the right career to pursue, will I like that job once I'm in it so on and so on. Will I make friends with all these new people and have great relationships with them, will I finally be happy. I'm so scared of being let down. What if nothing good happens. At the moment I'm stuck at home with my two girls, I only have one friend and she is always so busy and I never feel like going anywhere and doing things with my girls because I'm just constantly stuck with thinking and worrying constantly about everything. My children are suffering because of it, it's like I have no time for them. I feel like such a bad parent. But I do push my self and get them out to do something every second day or so like go to the park or to see a movie. A play date with one of their friends from school. But I don't want to do any of that. I am really so unhappy. I sometimes think is it because I live with my mum and she drives me crazy and she is so negative most of the time which really isn't good for my (ex)depression. I practically don't have any friends at all, no boyfriend. No job, I feel like such a failure, I'm 26 with two children, living with my mum, no career no job no friends no nothing.!  Tonight. My mum decided to tell me that she and my brother want to move state when our lease is up in October. That just topped me off. Immediately I got extremely anxious. I havent stopped thinking since and that was 6hours ago, 3:30am might I add. Is 8 months long enough to save up for a course and finish that course, to find a job. Will I get a job. Will I have friends, will I be happy then. Or do I move again with my mum and brother. Do i put my children through all that. They've already had to change schools 5 times already, moved houses a handful of times. What am I going to do.!  I'm scared I'm going to get depressed again. 

Help me.!

[Kazzl]

Hello hun and welcome to the forum. You've got a lot on your mind at the moment eh? Sounds like things are going round and round in your mind. I know what that's like! If I may say so, with good intent, you sound like maybe you're overthinking things, overwhelmed. I know that one too. 

In my professional world that's known as 'paralysis by analysis', that is trying to consider every possible outcome of every possible action, immobilises any efforts towards action.

How to stop? Well, I'm certainly no expert, but I try to sought out what THE most important things is to me. Start with that, and don't consider what might stop it, but what might make it happen. What would be the thing that needs to happen for you to achieve that most important thing. Then, what would need to happen to achieve that step towards the most important thing etc. It's like working backwards to identify the steps to achieving a goal.

Making lists in that process really helps too, or at least putting it down on paper. Sometimes we get so wound up in our minds that we start to lose sight of things, so writing them down is a useful way of remembering and putting them in perspective with other things.

I don't know if I'm explaining this well, but I hope you get an idea of what I mean.

The hardest part can be to work out what the most important thing is. Is it creating time with  your children? Is it being able to live your own life separate from your mum? Is it physical stability ie not moving again?

Have a think hun, and come back and post more. I'm sure others will have ways to help you through too.

Very best wishes to you

Kaz

[Bluey_moon]

Hi IAmStuck, 

kaz gave you some excellent advice! I am maybe not the best at giving advice, as I sometimes have a tendency to play everything over and over in my head too! 

I think the thing about writing things down is a good place to start! 

How are you today?