my thoughts

Stormgrl101 · ‎27-11-2014

Too many rambling thoughts, as per usual. Sorry if it doesn't make sense :S I find it weird that everyone is different and forced to find a way to live and cope in this world. Many different beliefs, values,morals, cultures, careers and experiences. Communication with other people, whether it be strangers to me or family is a daily struggle. It's something we all have to do yet it feels unnatural and weird to me. People talk all the time and I don't know how they do it. Many times I can't find the voice to talk let alone come up with something to say. Going out in public, see people going about their day. How do they work out their next move or what to do next? How do they have such long conversations with people and it not bother them? Day after day. I try to do my homework from the psychologist. Have a small conversation with the cashier at the supermarket. Even a 'hello how are you' will do. I get up to the register and nervously look at all the people around and instantly feel overwhelmed. I squeak out a 'hello' and that's that. I go to the car and burst into tears. I have failed yet again.I've only ever had one job. Which ended with me having a breakdown and quitting. Although leading up to it I was often feeling overwhelmed at work so much i just couldn't do it. All I want is to work for my money, enjoy what I do and live in my own place. I hate feeling like a burden to my family and best friend. I wish I I could be a better person for them. I feel isolated and alone. Stuck. I don't even know where I'll be living next year yet. Might have to go back to parents house. I just want a break!

TheSteve · ‎27-11-2014

Hi Stormgirl,

Thanks for sharing your story. So, you have social anxiety and have an expectation that every event, every occurrence, everything you do, will end in failure. Our expectations, in many cases, become our realities. We Tend to sub-consciously work towards what we expect, whether we know it or not.

Next time an expectation of failure, of fear, of disappointment, creeps into your head - stop yourself, stop thinking, and just observe the thought. Observe the feeling. Watch it without judgment, as if you were on a watchtower looking out at the ocean. Observe it. Now, when you are doing this consider - who is watching, and what is being watched? If there are separate entities here, then "you" are NOT your "thoughts" nor are you your "feelings". The thoughts and feelings are part of your habit behaviour, and because you identify with them as being part of you, they have a very tight grip on your moods and actions and thus dictate the outcomes you typically expect and therefore get.

This is called the practice of mindfulness. Run a search on the term, and see what you find. If you can be mindful of these thoughts and feelings, you will eventually see that these thoughts/feelings are temporary, they are not "you", and that you can gain control over these and thus your life.

At this point in time, keep your goals simple. While you are figuring all of this out, living at home is a perfectly fine solution as it takes away other pressures you don't need. You are not a burden to your family, and this does NOT make you a bad person. You have some bad habit behaviours that you need to train out of yourself. You need to learn new habits, that is all.

Your thoughts are dictating your reality. It is time to start reprogramming your thoughts. In time, as this works, you will see that all along you had control over this. I wish you well, come back and chat anytime.

Steve

Stormgrl101 · ‎28-11-2014

Thanks for your reply Steve. I really appreciate it. I will have to do some research on mindfulness and see what comes up.

I feel kinda numb and lonely. My thoughts are so strong and overpowering I don't know what to believe. Today is not a good day.

CrashCoyote · ‎28-11-2014

Hi Stormgrl101,

Many of us cannot indulge the demands of society. It isn't a coincidence that some people choose or a drawn to solitary careers like flying helicopters to check power lines for electricity companies, or patrolling millions of acres of National Park as Rangers, alone for weeks on end, or being authors, or farmers plowing thousands of acres of paddocks all day. You get my drift.

I guess, in consult with your health professional, you need to decide what it is that you want. If you want to be more able to interact with people then it is struggle you will have to face.

The beauty of the anonymity of this site is that I do not know if your posts are in a squeaky, weak whisper or a booming shout, so if you want to write your thoughts, I would love to read them.

You can choose what you want from life and you can certainly choose to not be lonely. We are listening. If writing isn't enough, try the web chat or the 1300 number.

Kind regards, John.

giggles · ‎28-11-2014

Hi Stormgrl101

Well the other two have suggested some wonderful things for you to think about and off course you are never alone in this overwhelming feeling which can become you feeling powerless.

good on you for even going into the shop that was a success you of course may not feel that at the moment.Also even writing it out for us to read is another success.You woke up, oh look another one!.Did you eat today I hope so, gee is that another success.Did you enjoy what you ate?

what helped me through my anxiety was actually a small thing that was surprisingly simple. It took a few months for me to cotton onto the concept and start living from it but it worked so here I am passing it onto you.

Has anyone ever asked you what your true feelings are?Now obviously you know how the negative feelings are stopping you from feeling ok about yourself to the degree that you have become miserable in them.

I now consciously do not allow them to take me over.

an example.

I wake up with a rotten feeling about the day and I use too allow the feeling stop me from being ok about anything.I use to blame the closest thing this I giggle at now because I still do that occasionally but it is a gentle reminder that its in me and not outside of me that needs changing.

What ever is happening outside will happen regardless of how I feel about it.

The power I am referring too could hold me for a couple of days but now because I spend time through writing my feelings out 9/10 I would discover the habit that had been there for heavens knows how long.By the way its no ones business what was bothering me just as long as I sort it out for my day.

It is like we say 'Can not put my finger on it.' Once I have put my finger on it it instantly loses its power and the feeling disperses then clunk wow my true feelings about whatever was bothering me just leaves. Packs up and gives up because my spirit decided to challenge the feeling or habit as many call it.

Now because we are all so individualistic writing may not be your thing as it is mine but talking into a phone or tape can be just as beneficial

Its the same as feeling that everyone else is ok about talking when in reality they may go home and hate having the conversations that they had. My point being no one is perfect and not fair to expect everyone to be on the same page at the same time. It is virtually impossible.

It has to be ok to be a loner because it may not actually be what makes you happy. Balance. do both.

keep safe.

all the best Giggles

geoff · ‎29-11-2014

dear Stormgrl, this must be very traumatic even with the thought of having to go shopping or having to meet someone outside of your safety zone.

There has been some great advice and tips to look at, but can I add to Steve's words which is an addition that would he has said and that's to google this 'mindfulness and desensitization', as this may also provide some useful information, and please let us know how you go. L Geoff. x