Since moving high schools, I have never felt more alone. I am constantly in fear about every small mistake I make. I obsessively criticize my every move and worry about what people will think of me. When i'm not at school, i'm always at home but i'm okay with that because i'm happiest at home by myself. When I get anxious about something, I spend days on end thinking about it and I never want to leave my bed or go to school because I feel safe at home. But when I do stay at home, I hate myself even more because I think of all the worst possible things people could be saying about me - keep in mind when I do gain the courage to school no one even notices me, ever. So when this fear happens again, I try to remind myself "no one cares enough talk about you" and "it's not a big deal" but it never works. It's like my irrational fear of always being hated and isolated has taken over and my brain won't listen to reason. When I think about my anxious thoughts, it's like I can feel it under my skin. I can imagine the isolation in my head. I can picture it and in the motion picture every one has turned on me, everyone hates me and I feel small and alone and have no where to go. When this happens, and it happens frequently, its like I am in the middle of an empty room my mind is pulling me in hundreds of different directions and I just want my thoughts to rationalize but it can't and it never does.
