My first steps. . .

[Manaolana]

Hi all,

I'm 28 year old female, that has had a secret battle with anxiety for a few years now. Well I think its anxiety anyway. After 2 attempts trying to talk to a GP I've managed to talk to one and have my first psychologist appointment in a few weeks. I'm excited about the thought that my life my finally change - and just really hoping it will.

The biggest struggle for me is worrying about the future, not being able to let anything go in the past, which has massively affected my relationship with my partner, feeling worthless, and no longer know what I enjoy and what makes me happy. I'm worried that because something hasn't gone the way I had hoped for in life that If and when things happen I will just be disappointed anyway. 

I have panic attacks roughly once a month where no matter what happens I just have to cry it out and not be anywhere near my partner because then everything will become his fault.

I've suffered digestive issues my entire life and know that whilst my anxiety hasn't been present my whole like I think it has made it worse.

I miss the days of exercising and being healthy and positive about myself - and no matter how much I try to convince myself to exercise I let myself down before I can even get to the gym. My first goal is to fix how I feel about myself. I need to feel confident again and healthy and exercising I know is going to help. I just need to know how to get the motivation to do it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Neil_1]

Hi there mana‘olana

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

I’ve read your post and it’s very pleasing that you’ve got an upcoming appointment with a psychologist – I really hope that you receive a good outcome and a positive feeling from this session;  because that can go a long way to helping you.  Sessions can be kind of taxing to the system, so just be aware that you may feel a bit drained by the end of it.  But it is also an exciting thing, as you’ve rightly mentioned and that’s the most awesome of attitudes for you to have.  Keep feeling and thinking for all the positives that hopefully will come out of it.  And keep on progressing with everything that you do, in a forward fashion.

Ok, with regard to exercise, for the time being, let’s put the gym “on hold” for a while.  Till you get some key motivation and enthusiasm back (or alternatively, you could pay a large up front joining fee – and that should definitely give you motivation to go, because of all the money you’ve paid out).  But getting back to what I was going to suggest was in the early instances, why not try for mini-walks.  Out of the house and down the street for a while – and depending on how you feel, or your current level of fitness can determine how long you could go for – but don’t go trying to break records with the first outing.

A thing I do when starting back after a bit of a break is to say that I’ll go out for 30 mins.   And so out I go and I’ll mix in some walking and some jogging, going one way for 15 minutes.  I then turn around and retrace my steps back home – but as I’m a kind of a competitive so and so, I have to get back home BEFORE or under that 15 minute mark.  I’ll do that for a couple of sessions and then increase it to either 18mins or 20 mins, depending on how I think I’m going and do the same.  It provides for a little motivation and impetus to try and beat that time that you went out in and all the while having the very real action of helping your fitness levels along.

Alternatively, if you’ve got a bike, you could certainly try the same thing, via cycling.  OR you could alternate, so every 2-3 days do one, then the other;  but never too much too soon, otherwise it can lead to the dreaded “I” word – injury.

Hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[Jacko777]

Hi Mana'olana,

Good on you for posting, I am sorry to hear you have had a rough time. I reckon you are safe to hope that your life will change, you are changing it already and it will be great for you to get some professional support.

Neil is so right, as usual. Don't think about going for a walk, just focus on doing up your shoes and walking out the door. Action cures fear. When you get back you can bask in the satisfaction of doing something different, making a small step in your recovery.

Everything takes practice. I practice not losing energy to something that I cannot change, like an event in the past. If I am sad or angry about the past then I am still losing energy to it. I practice awareness about my thoughts and where I am losing my calmness, I analyse which part of me has reacted instead of responded. It is usually a part of me that has suffered from a negative experience, i send love to this part and help it to heal. 

Keep your focus on the moment. Sure, in some moments in the past things have not gone your way but the great miracle is that you get another moment to have another crack at it, and another and another and...you get the idea. Grab every moment and give it your best shot. It's not how many times you fall down that counts, it's how many times you get back up.

So what do you enjoy, what are you passionate about? Try and find a little time each day to do things that make you happy, it's a priority! Keep us posted.

Jacko

[Jacko777]

Success is just a series of failures. If you are not failing you aren't trying, choose to respond to failures as a step to success.

Jacko

[Manaolana]

Thanks for the response Neil - I appreciate you taking the time to get me some tips.

I haven't made any progress since I was last on here but have my Psychologist appointment this Friday.

I really struggle to talk out loud about my feelings so it's great to be able to type them on here.

I've had a panic attack this weekend and feel absolutely terrible now. I know that anxiety isn't because of one trigger but I think over time my relationship with my partner has changed the person that I am. I don't know what the right step forward is but don't feel like I can find out who I am again with him in my life.

I am so sensitive with everything in my relationship and have started to wonder if I can even picture myself with my partner in the near future. It's hard to know whether this is just because I'm struggling with anxiety or whether this is something that I actually need to happen. 

Hopefully the next time I come on here I will have a program to really help me get on the right path in life.

[Neil_1]

Hi Mana'olana,

Hey, thanx for your latest response – it’s also been pleasing to see Jacko has stopped by and given you some great advice as well – he kind of picked up from my response and put some really worthy additions to it, so I hope that helped you also.

Yes, talking out loud about feelings and thoughts can be a struggle – hence, yes, why being able to unload onto computer can be beneficial, helpful and even, a little therapeutic.   Also, if you feel awkward about opening up with your psych, why not type down or write down a number of dot points for your stressors, and either use them as prompts or simply hand them to your psych and you can then discuss a bit more in depth while you’re there.  Least ways, you won’t forget any by doing it that way.

I do hope that your appointment with your psych can be extremely helpful for you.   Might be very worth mentioning your relationship with your partner to your psych as well – these things can be huge, but you really do want to think very hard about this.   I mean, they are your partner for a reason, aren’t they?   There’s a love, a bond, an attraction and so much more that bought you together – think about those things to try and see if you can rekindle your own spark.   Do you feel they are concerned about things or is it just you?

Neil