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My anxiety is impacting my work life :(

riddle95
Community Member

Hello internet! I'm 25 years old, female, and have been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder over the years, as well as depression and I take medication to help. I do find the medication has helped me as it helped me get out of a very bad depressive state last year. I also feel like a person with a sense of purpose and enjoyment with life now.

Last year I could not get myself to go to work and I had several hospital visits. At the beginning of 2020 I was going to work about 3-4 days a week, which was extremely good for me and a major change from the year before. Now, as you all know, Covid hit and I lost regular work for about 7 months. Now that we're coming out the other side, work has begun ringing me and calling me in to work more. I don't have my set rostered shifts as I did at the start of the year at the same venue, so I am getting changed around a bit. For insight, I'm a substitute teacher.

Here is my problem. I'm feeling the same anxious nervous that I felt last year about working. I get these feelings of dread about the phone ringing and going to schools. I also feel really tired and am not sleeping well. So even if I say yes to a shift the day before, I usually have a shit sleep and then I call in the morning saying I'm unwell and can't work. Or I don't even get to this stage and the phone rings and I know it's work offering me a shift so I just don't answer.

I've worked about 4 teaching shifts in the past 3 weeks. Also over the past few months I have been applying for full time jobs for next year because I believe that the consistency will help ease my anxiety as I know where I will be going and I'll have the same kids to teach, as well as have a steady income. I'm lucky at the moment because I am earning job keeper through my other casual employer so I am not stuck for money. But I haven't had a single interview yet and continue to get job rejections.

Overall I just feel a real sense of failure over my ability to work and hold a job. I've questioned whether I'm in the right career, but when I think about doing other jobs I feel just as anxious about working, so I don't think it will matter what I do.

I feel really shit about all this 😞

2 Replies 2

Annas1
Community Member

Hi Riddle95, I can identify with the feeling of being 'stuck' or 'held back' by anxiety, despite setting positive goals and making progress in managing its effect on me. It can be really tough sometimes and I can get frustrated with myself too. At these times it really helps to remind yourself that:

* it's not your 'fault' you have anxiety (some of us are just dealt that card in life)

* your efforts have made a difference in your quality of life (be proud of this)

* you can make further improvements with a combination of good social and professional support (these problems are common and there are psychological strategies that help).

I have had anxiety since adolescence and it is only in recent years that I have adopted a perspective that takes these points into account. It is a big change in my thinking, so I need to remember that it won't happen overnight. Patience is needed.

Are you able to access some support in the form of psychological coaching to help with the specific anxieties around new settings, relaxation techniques and performance? I realise now that this would be helpful for me as insomnia and social/performance anxiety are my challenge too. Also, different kinds of help can really add up to make a difference. It won't transform things overnight, but by breaking challenges down and having specific support for each 'chunk' could be effective.

My heart goes out to you and I admire your persistence and desire to achieve your goals. With the right support and techniques to approach challenges with more flexibility you will succeed.

Take care, Annas1

DeedMR
Community Member

Hi Riddle95

I'm a newbie here, as of today, but I wanted you to know, I am feeling exactly the same, so you are not alone with how you feel.

I work in childcare and am currently being moved around to different locations, instead of where I was offered permanent part time hours.

I was happy with the one location. Felt comfortable. Knew what I needed to do. But having to meet new staff, new children, different routines, as really knocked me.

I stayed home yesterday, due to my anxiety, but will go today, as I can't afford to lose pay and because I know I have to push through it.

Easier said than done! I feel ridiculous for not wanting to go to work, for such minor reasons, because I'm 57 and should be able to handle change. But I'm much more content when I know what to expect and what is familiar.

I do hope you find success with a full time position. Don t give up, especially as there are more vancancies coming up for next year. You obviously know your job and you will find what suits you. It may take time, but I'm sure the right spot will come along for you.

Very best wishes always and you take care of yourself.

Kind regards

DeedMR