Hi,
I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and just would like some advice.
I have trichotillomania for a while now but I never thought to do anything about it because I never thought it was "that bad". I finished watching tv earlier and I looked in the mirror and the tail of my eyebrow was completely gone, and the skin was sore from pulling a lot. I hadn't even realised I was doing it.
I know trichotillomania is a obsessive compulsive disorder triggered by anxiety, and I think I know the cause...
Recently I've had a lot of stress regarding study and exams, but because of all the stress it has just left my mind defenceless and I have started having all these negative thoughts (mistakes from the past, judgements on myself and others, self doubt, etc.) and it has resulted in things like irritability and never ending doubt.
Other than stress from exams, I have had another issue on my mind which I have noticed causes my trichotillomania to act up a lot is my relationship with my finance's sister.
Its a long and complicated story, but to put it simply I have recognised that part of my anxiety is from my obsessive nature of really disliking her:
- I feel like she has never genuinely approved/liked me. Which is important to me because I'm marrying her brother.
- I have always wanted a little sister to look up to me and since I don't get that from her I feel like i'm 'obsessed' with her.
- She has called me names, hurt me and her family, betrayed me and her brothers trust and forgiveness so many times. She constantly repeats offences even after she has apologised for them (never ending cycle). I obsess with it and her brother is so hurt by her he tries to ignore her (opposites).
- Her reckless, undisciplined, messy, inconsistent, immature life and behaviour somehow deeply offends me.
I hate the fact that she doesnt like me. I hate her behaviour and lifestyle because it hurts me and her family. But I hate the fact that I'm so obsessed with it! I dont even know why! Surely wanting a little sister to look up to me isnt THAT important to me?! I don't even like her to begin with, like I said everything she is and does offends me! This obsessive nature towards her has resulted in anxiety because I feel like if anyone knew I would be rejected and judged. This anxiety has led to my trichotillomania. It's one thing that leads to another. I felt myself reach for my face just trying to write this all out.
I need help!
