Misophonia & Intermittent Explosive Disorder - we're not alone!

[Angelite78]

Hello world! I have started this thread to connect with other people who suffer Misophonia and IED. I used to think I was the most intolerant person and the way I saw myself was depressing (and embarrassing!) but now that I know that it's not something that is just limited to me, it's not an "evil" trait and that there are others who feel similarly - this is where I would like us to come together to feel safe and hopefully a little comforted. I would love to hear from anyone out there who can relate.....

[Angelite78]

Hi Croix, I'm so glad that some of my last post made it - I typed it out and then somehow it disappeared and I thought I had lost it all - was quite frustrated but glad I don't have to try to retell the story. The guy tried to wave me off but I stood my ground and told him that he was going to stop and let the pedestrians cross safely. That's a really fascinating question you ask, I do sometimes reflect on my reactions and how I would have preferred to tackle that situation. It's not good though, I never find myself wishing I could be a bit calmer, it's usually the case where I feel I should have been more forceful or aggressive to get my point across (I think this is mainly due to the lack of reaction I get from people, lack of remorse and just a blank ignorant look). When I reflected on this situation I told myself that I could have just kept walking, I could have just left people to look after themselves and learn to stand up for themselves but people don't and won't, so many people out there just take what is thrown at them and don't bat an eyelid, this is extremely frustrating to me, I want to tell the world to stand up for itself, fight for your right as a human being to be safe and happy in this world. I have an extremely overwhelming sense of justice and I just cannot walk away from a situation where someone is doing something wrong, whether it affects just me or someone else, I can't stand it, I have to tell them to stop being such an inconsiderate and ignorant person and do the right thing. I feel this may stem from my OCD and not being able to not follow the rules (which means I get enraged when others break the rules - worse when they get away with it). I now have a double headset at work which has helped a little bit. I spoke to my boss yesterday regarding the person sitting in front of me who has an absolutely booming voice, equivalent to what I would say is shouting. I told him that most of the time it is just distracting but now it's starting to affect me physically because I'm getting headaches and I'm feeling exhausted because in effect I am being forced to listen to something/someone that I don't want to. He said he doesn't think she's loud, not he doesn't think she's *that* loud, no doesn't think she's loud full stop. Other than moving desks which we have all just done, he asked me if there was anything I felt that he or the business could do to help resolve the issue. Limit reached, continued in next post......

[Angelite78]

My instant reaction wanted to be "Well you could tell her to shut the hell up!" but apparently that's not an option (I'm guessing because he doesn't think she's loud). The person sitting next to me thinks she's loud but no body in this place ever says anything about anything that bothers them so nothing gets done and because I'm the only person who complains, it comes across that I'm a whinger. The loud person in front of me has been put on project work today by another manager so they aren't on the phones this morning so it's nice not to have her voice booming at me (oh yeah, she likes to stand up as well every now and then which makes it even worse). Problem now is that she likes to hum and sing quietly - both of which are on my list of noises that drive me insane - I just can't win. Nope, I spoke too soon, she's back on the phones 😞 😞 😞 I have decided to seek professional help as I can't deal with this on my own anymore, the impact it's having on my frame of mind while I'm at work is not sustainable. I think I need to go to my GP, tell them what's wrong and then hopefully they can refer me to the right mental health specialist - maybe they can help me get into a workplace that does not cause me so much stress because I am having no luck whatsoever. I have no qualifications or experience (other than a lifetime love of books, reading and writing) to work in a library but it really would be my dream job. This one has to stop.

[Croix]

Dear Angelite~

Well I'm glad the traffic incident worked out. When I join the police as a young constable I felt much as you, that those in society needed championing and tried very hard to do just that. Looking back I see how little effect my efforts were having and the disproportionate effect on me. So now I (mostly) try to pick winnable battles.

As you say many do not seem to stand up for their rights, maybe there is a bit of picking battles there too. That being said it is important people do try to rectify injustice. After all "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" (Apparently women were not included in Mr Burke's day:)

While I can sympathize with someone standing up every so often that voice must be a real problem. Being the only one to complain must make you feel very isolated. Can I ask if you have talked to this person about it? A decibel app on a smartphone can be a useful tool.

Having a love of books is something I can relate to, I can remember getting into trouble for reading under the blankets as a kid (short sighted parents I guess), and still read all the time some 60-something years later.

When you think about it all sorts of places store and use books, from courthouses to museums to TV stations as well as schools and libraries.

Croix

[Angelite78]

Hi, sorry it's been such a long time. I'm back again. Work is going well, I sit in a corner as far away from everything as I can be but people worry about me being isolated, I don't think they realise just how much I need the isolation. I still socialise and interact with my colleagues and there's no one that is upsetting me at the moment so I feel comfortable at the moment. My struggle with misophonia and IED has increased. I tried seeing a psychologist but after the first session in which I laid my symptoms out on a silver platter for him, he didn't have a clue, he was baffled. I was not impressed and my faith in getting any help took a massive hit. Granted I haven't tried to find another psychologist yet but I will continue since a friend has encouraged me not to give up on getting help. I promise to try to come here more often, I need to keep a focus on my mental issues because they're not getting any better.

[Angelite78]

Well, I spoke too soon. The intelligence of humans never ceases to amaze me. So I asked for the desk position I have because it is the further away from the main hub of our call centre. My managers were aware that I had asked specifically for this position because I needed to be as far away from the noise as possible. It was great for a while but now we've had some new people come through, there have been some desk shuffles and the loudest member of the entire call centre has been situation two desks away from me. On Friday last week I reached breaking point and it was all I could do to hold myself together. I have made my 2IC aware of the situation but as she is new to the role I don't think she really knows what to do so it's up to me to raise this issue with the person who put him there - how on Earth am I supposed to approach this level of mentality? I really don't know what to do. I'm so angry and frustrated, the situation feels helpless because people clearly aren't getting the message, no matter how loud I scream, and trust me, if this continues and I get to not just breaking point but complete annihilation point, then they really are going to find out just how loud I can scream. I can see myself having a complete break down at work, I'd like to avoid it but they seem to be doing everything possible to poke the bear......

[Croix]

Dear Angelite78~

I guess with psychologists you let your fingers do the walking, ask if he or she is familiar with your condition and feels there have been successes, on the phone, if your GP is decent he/she may do that for you. No good wasting visits if it is the wrong person.

As for your ever-changing work, I have the feeling if you get up enough steam you will explain clearly and succinctly to whoever made the arrangement that it is simply inappropriate. If you have an alternative it may be accepted and peace can return. You have a disability and as far as possible an employer should take it into account.

Please let us know how you get on

Croix

[Angelite78]

Hi Croix,

Thanks for coming back. I have resolved the work issue - turns out my manager was not aware of what was happening, despite me making it clear about my needs. I spoke to a different manager who understands me more and is more aware of my issues and he was able to speak to my manager and I am now sitting at another desk. I am so much happier where I am sitting, even though I'm a bit more exposed than what I was in the corner desk, it is sooooo much quieter and because there isn't anyone sitting that close to me, no one bothers me with idle chit chat, I can just happily get on with my work 😄 I haven't managed to look for any psychologists yet as I can't really afford it at this time so I might explore some other options, a friend said that I might be able to reach out to Anglicare so I'll see how I go with that. Thanks again for coming back! I'll post again soon with an update.

[Angelite78]

Well, I spoke too soon about the work situation, I hate where I am sitting, it is still noisy, I just can't escape the noise. The other day people were leaving at the end of their shift and they weren't quiet about it. I put in a complaint, sent an email to all the team leaders asking them to ask people to leave the building quietly at the end of their shift because I can't hear myself talk let alone anyone I'm speaking to on the phone. I heard nothing back so I don't even know if they just trashed my email or did anything about it. I certainly didn't get wind of any email being sent by TL's to ask people to demonstrate what I believe to be common courtesy and respect - something that is not easily found in the work place these days. I have tried to reach out to centrelink to see if there are any organisations out there that can help me to get a new job in an environment that is more conducive to the disorders I suffer from but I have had absolutely no luck whatsoever. I even asked Beyond Blue, I have said it I don't know how many times, but I CANNOT get help from any organization that requires people to be on the dole. All the organisations I am being referred to will ONLY help those who are unemployed. I cannot afford to be unemployed as I am the main income earner. I NEED HELP!!! I need to find an organization that can help place me in a new job - please, if anyone out there knows any organization that can help me please let me know because I can feel the situation becoming extremely dire and I am very afraid of having a mental breakdown at work. Please help!!!!!!!!!

[Ferrywren]

Hi, I cannot help with any mental health places that can help you. I am following your thread as I am a mother of a child with intermittent explosive disorder. So,I have lived with someone I love for over 40 years watched how the rages. how my child tries to stop and cannot. . Everything you have shared I see my child go through as well. There is little knowledge on this disorder. My child was diagnosed 20 years ago. At present antidepressant are helping. With side affects of having a neg impact on his daily life. He sleeps now always tired. From one extreme to another. From Raging too so tired he is just functional. Don’t stop looking for help don’t stop asking for help. As my child said the other day there has to be an in between.

[Asky]

Like to come out as suffering misophonia. Family are now understanding once I was able to describe my overwhelming desire to run, mame or kill when crunching sounds invade my space. Stupidly, I thought everyone had the same reaction and just kept quiet. The irony is if I crunch its not the same sound to me so I come across as such a hypocrite at times.