making stupid mistakes and needing help

[sophialy]

this is my first post. I am sorry if I do something wrong or post it in the wrong place.
Since February this year I have been noticing changes in my attitude towards many things. My parents have never exactly been relaxed with each other and get into verbal fights quite often. This would stress me out as I am fearful of my father who has threatened me before if I were to interfere. My friends at school have been telling me I am getting fat and would snatch food I bring out of my hands, forcing me to not eat the entire day. I have not told teachers this, since my friends say it's better if I eat as little as possible. This has now made me extremely anxious of what others think of me and began to venture into other alternatives to skipping. I dealt with this for about 4 months but for the past 3 months I have began to purge often, almost weekly. I do not enjoy it but I believe it will make my friends think better of me and possibly make them respect me. This stress makes it difficult to focus on classes, my grades have been slipping, which does not aid in my parents situation. My parents have been fighting a lot more lately and restrict my technology use meaning I cannot message family members or call a counselor. I am trying to fight this on my own, without friends, without parents but I am beginning to crumble. I don't find things as amusing as I used to. My purging episodes are becoming more frequent, to the point where I feel so weak I lay on my bathroom floor. Even now, I'm crying while typing this. Please someone help me.

[demonblaster]

Hi Soph welcome to BB 🙂

You certainly won't be criticised or judged here, the opposite, this is a fantastic place with a lot of caring supportive people.

Sorry to hear you're being treated so poorly.

My first thought reading your post is if these "friends" are real friends, they wouldn't be putting you down like that although they probs think they're helping I suggest if you feel you can without too much grief talk to them and tell them how they're making you feel even if you write it down and I suggest tell them EVERYTHING that you're doing, they may realise they've gone too far with luck

Is there a counsellor there you could talk to at school?

When I was younger I too had weight as I do now although working on losing it and have lost a fair bit, it does make you feel much more confident but my guess and that's all it is, is your eating could be due to stress at home which is rough.

Do you have a good relationship with your Mum or any of your siblings if you have any or Aunt/Uncle etc because you've done the right thing talking here thinking maybe as well as here if someone connected to family that you could talk to and btw go for it with crying, it's hard but a good outlet, it's letting stress out which needs an out.

Also how do you feel about talking to a psychologist, the process starts through your GP, majority are very good and supportive (on your side) and know how to help. I've heard stuff here, depending on your age I think you might need consent but someone will probs come here and tell you about it.

Good friends like you for you and you've got goods happening cause you've got mates, with adults too unfortunately with youth & less experience with people the right message comes out the wrong way. At least I'll say again sounds like they actually do care

Hun if you can try really hard to not purge while it's still early days because it can become consuming and habit forming which will be harder to break the rythym later. And as you're feeling it'll cause physical illness, the body needs food for energy.

Hope you feel comfy to come back and talk as much as you need and want

here for ya 🙂

[BluBelle]

Friends should love and support and lift each other up. People who snatch food out of your hands to let you starve, tell you that you're fat and make it so you have to strive and suffer for their approval are not friends. They are bullies. Do you have some other, nicer people at your school you can go sit with?

If you're able to post here without restrictions from your parents, you should also be able to use the web chat on the beyondblue website and speak with a counsellor there. Or try the same thing on the Butterfly Foundation website, who deal with eating disorders.

[demonblaster]

Soph reading Blubells post reminded me to let you know, access to library internet is free, assuming all over Oz so you could get more internet that way cause you certainly need access to fam & here as you can see there's also support and help.

Blubelle is right, they are bullying you but I should have included I think they care but showing it in a distorted bullying way. Not on darl, you don't have to take that.

Also as Blue said and there would be are there nicer people you can move with

[sophialy]

Hi demonblaster, thank you for taking time to reply.

Last night I talked to a couple friends in the group about somethings I've been doing, as you suggested and it made me feel better to know they are aware. They have slightly reduced the amount of namecalling so that's a relief however I still feel self conscious about how people see me. I would try and make friends but due to a slip up last year, I am afraid my grade now despises me, so I'm pretty much stuck with my group.

I have talked to my school counsellor before and it does not help. She's provided some 'distractions' or 'alternatives' to purging and loathing however I do not find them as effective as throwing up.

I do have an Aunty I am close with however my parents do not let me see other family as they think I'm going to tell them about things at home. My brother left the house unexpectedly a few months ago, due being sick of the fights between our parents so I'm sort of closed off here.

Thank you very much for replying, it's nice to know someone cares.

- Sophia

[sophialy]

Hi Blubelle, thank you for replying to me.

I can understand your point. I have been told I am too optimistic to the point where I am naive so I suppose I understand where you are coming from.

I do not have many friends in my classes, some are nice but I'd rather not bother them so I stick to people I know.

I have tried speaking to counsellor on this website before however I felt they did not help that much. They provided me with websites to be used as distractions or stress relievers but they do not work for me. But I suppose trying one more time can't hurt. I will also try the butterfly foundation, as you suggested.

Thank you very much for the suggestions.

-Sophia

[demonblaster]

Dear Soph, good on you speaking up proud of you, keep at it too darl till they stop completely, speak from the heart they need to know and if they've backed off a bit that's at least showing a spark of good in them.

Honey it's very important without meaning to pressure you to get to your GP, the longer you purge the more damage to your body and the harder it'll be to break the cycle. It can easily become an obsession.
You've got a lot to deal with my heart goes out to you, GP can get you in touch with a psychologist, yeah maybe the counsellor at schools not the right fit.

Honestly I'm not just saying this to boost you, it's pretty easy to see you seem like a lovely person and you're very welcome and I as others and more will probs come here do care.

You've got a cyber family now, we won't give you grief, we all here know deep pain and battles

Go for your life expressing how you feel, anything you want to talk about, up to you how much or little, but it's a great outlet, with anonymity (? sp) no judgement. Let us be your rods and I really am impressed that you spoke to those couple. Show's you've got backbone, keep that.

I do suggest tho get to know those nice ones at school, they're the ones that you really wanna be around, doesn't mean you have to drop the others but good to have a few.

Thankyou for your appreciation, If I'm not around anytimes, I WILL get back so you're stuck with me and you'll probs find most others that come in will too. It's just an amazing place to be. Safe

Self image, it's a hard one, I know only to well about taste and psychological eating. I'm doing it for self esteem and confidence. Helping no end

Something else that's very good for stress release is excercise, I walk hills mainly, for core strength in back and if you do it's better to ease into it so you don't get over tired over sore and say pfffftttt no thanks and it releases happies (endorphines) magic.

(( ))