Low sex drive

[johnt88]

Hello. I am wondering if anyone has any experience with antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication causing low sex drive. My wife suffers from anxiety and takes it but has zero sex drive. We haven’t had sex for 2 years and are still only in our mid 30s. I love her and would never cheat on or leave her but is this an actual side effect or is it me she doesn’t want? It’s affecting me too as I feel like we are roommates and I’m just a pay cheque.

[tmas]

This is 100% a known side-effect - also, feeling anxious will do it too. Anxiety and meds both throw your body off kilter (in different ways) and the body knows not to prioritise sex-drive when there are (perceived) greater things at stake. Even for people who still have an interest in sex while on medication can have problems with sexual dysfunction.

Talking to her about it might be a good idea - it sounds like you worry she isn't interested in you romantically or sexually, or maybe you are generally worried that she isn't happy or well. Sounds like you love her and respect her needs which is great, and don't expect her to act out of her comfort zone to appease you. But it is totally understandable to doubt of fear this is a relationship.

Maybe organise the thought in a way to understand what the doubt is and what the implications of that doubt are - are you worried about her not being as engaged with life? Are you not having needs met?

Are you worried you're "stagnating"? This one is particularly important to unpack, in my experience. 

[Sunflower151]

Hey - I have personally experienced this so I understand what your wife is going through. I made the mistake of not talking to my doctor about it and weaning off my medication which made my anxiety so much worse. Have an open, non-judgemental conversation with her and make it clear you're not putting pressure on her in any way, but it is something you would like to address. Maybe there are workarounds you are comfortable with? I know for me I wasn't interested in sex spontaneously but if I was "warmed up" to it when my partner initiated it was better. If she would like, she can talk to a doctor and see if she is able to get on different medication that doesn't have these side effects 

Also, please approach this very carefully because of course it is not her fault. My partner questioned if I was attracted to him due to my sex drive issues and I understand expressing your feelings but please be gentle as well 

[Mark Z.]

Hi Johnt88,

I'm sorry for your challenge. Your needs are absolutely normal, however it is not your wife's fault either, it's the medication I think.

Having an open and honest talk with your wife to how exactly she feels is a good way. I'm not very sure there's any professional solutions but it's definitely worth to explore. I would encourage you to call Beyondblue hotline and have a private chat with the professional, you'll get some helpful information and inspiration. 

Mark

[JED1980]

Hey

Yep! Side effect it is.

Im also one who has experienced this. On the same end as you.

My ex-husband was diagnosed with anxiety and put on medication.

We did not have sex for over 12 months. 

I know how you are feeling.

Maybe talk to your wife? Go see her GP with her (if she is comfortable with it) and talk to them about the side effects the medication is having. Maybe they could look at changing it to something else? 

Its a really difficult thing to be going through and i feel for you. 

Hope you are both ok

Jx