Lost in my own mind

Suffocating-thoughts · ‎28-10-2014

I suffer from social anxiety and agoraphobia and I don't feel like anyone understands me and how I feel day to day.

I had separation issues with my mother as a young kid where id be pyshically throwing up uncontrollably every time she left me, which led to me being very shy and nervous all the time, through school I was bullied alot, either called the fat girl, the shy girl, or vomit girl.. I dropped out of school very early due to bullying and never went back..My sister is a narcasist, she thrives on making others miserable, growing up she would always tease me, bully me and even hit me, call me stupid and tell me I'd never get anywhere in life, then 8years ago I was stalked by a man who knew right down to where I live, he was put in jail and

recently released, now I spend day to day worrying if he's back out there and if he's going to find me again.

I'm constantly scared of men when they look at me, I'm scared of what people think of me, If they're judging me or if they're going to hurt me.. When an attack starts I lose all control, my anxiety takes over and I start shaking, crying, hyperventilating and vomiting.. I'm seeing a psychologist in a week, but I was just wondering if anyone had experienced anything similar and had any advice on how to overcome these fears? It's at the point where I don't even want to work I'm that scared of meeting new people, new environment, not knowing what to expect 😔

Doolhof · ‎01-11-2014

Hi there,

I have just noticed your post dated from so long ago! I am sorry it has taken so long for you to receive any kind of reply. Sometimes posts slip through the system somehow, that must have happened to you.

I hope you haven't given up on BB because it has taken a while to receive a reply!

I am so very sorry to read your story. You certainly have had quite a battle on your hands.

Regarding the man who stalked you, can you contact the police and find out if there is anything you can do about this man" I don't have any experience in this sort of thing, but can you take out a restraining order or something to ensure he can't get near you?

The psychologist will be able to help you and give you advice on how to do and think differently. Please don't think that any of those names you were called as a child have anything to do with who you are, not then, nor now. They are cruel words other people used so they could feel they had power over you.

To overcome a fear, I believe you have to look at it, consider it and decide if it is real or not. Hopefully the psyc will be able to help you with that.

Just a thought here, there are men out there who are afraid of women and have no idea how to feel around a woman. You have had a terrible experience being stalked, but that doesn't mean all men think of you in a distorted way.

Once again I am sorry you had to wait so long for a reply! It is totally not about you, but it is about a lot of posts coming in and yours was unfortunately pushed back further before it was noticed.

Tell yourself that you are a beautiful person, inside and out and that you are deserve to feel safe in your home and in the world.

Thinking of you, from Mrs. Dools

Suffocating-thoughts · ‎01-11-2014

Hi!!

Thank you for replying 🙂 havent given up I've been checking back every day for a response 🙂

As to asking the police anything, they don't really like to help, they just like to 'bust criminals', so many things get swept under the rug and refused to help..

I always try to do little things for myself to make me feel better with my self esteem, but just when I get happy.. It's ripped away by negative people and negative thoughts..

I once once in a house invasion, where a gang of boys ran through the house and assaulted everyone and stole valuables, suffered nightmares of it since, the boys who did it.. Got off Scott free and smirk at me everytime I see them..

I try to tell myself not everyone's like this, but flash backs and memories get the best of me 😔

Thank you for all your kind words ❤️

dougall · ‎02-11-2014

Hi glad you have not given up, I too look everyday for responses, it is my lifeline. There are people monitoring so you are being heard. You have gone through so much and I hope this is the start of you getting help to get through it. I like to avoid people as they tend to let me down everytime. I have two very good friends I talk to here and 1 best friend who lives in the same state, too far away to visit. I have no family here accept my son and daughter. Keep posting and I am sure you will also trust someone to chat to.

geoff · ‎02-11-2014

dear Guest, thanks for checking your post.It's been a real struggle for you which I'm so sorry for you, and I know that the police won't do anything until a crime has been committed, which doesn't help people like you, because really they should be treated just like other people who do shameful acts on children, it's in their brain.

I was also called the fat kid at state school, yet my twin was always a skinny kid, I have no regrets what's so ever about this, as I wouldn't wish any harm on him as I love him, he's the one who has ESP on me but not me.

Sorry I have to go as someone has knocked on the door, and hopefully I will remember to pick up tomorrow, but I do relate to your comment, and if by any chance I don't then please reply again as it will put your comment back on page one. Geoff.

Suffocating-thoughts · ‎02-11-2014

Have my first app with my psychologist tomorrow and Im so nervous, I fear she too won't understand me/ relate to me I'm praying I don't start freaking out and waste her time 😔

Constant nightmares about being kidnapped or someone harming me are really getting the best of me and bringing me down so much.. Makes me never want to leave the house 😔

Doolhof · ‎02-11-2014

Hi there,

I am so pleased you hung around to see if anyone would reply to you. My goodness, what a life you have had! And I thought parts of my life sucked!

I'm wishing you well with the psychologist tomorrow, and I do so hope she will listen to you and is able to help you.

Even if you do start freaking out, you won't be wasting her time at all, she will be able to see just how much life has/is affecting you. I hope you can be honest with her and let her know how you are feeling about everything.

Hopefully talking about all your issues will help to reduce their impact on you a little. I hope the psych can give you ideas on how you can help yourself more as well.

I'm sorry to read you don't think the Police will help you out much. I have had little to do with police so can't offer any advice that way.

The nightmares must be horrible. Especially if they remind you of the horrid things that have happened to you. I wish I had an answer as to how to turn them off so to speak so they don't bother you anymore.

Have you tried listening to calming music before you go to bed to get you mind in a chilled out mood? I don't know if that would help. Or read a comical book maybe?

It could be something else you chat to the psychologist about down the track.

I'm really interested in finding out how you get on with your appointment if you want to share.

Wishing you all the best for the appointment, from Mrs. Dools

Doolhof · ‎02-11-2014

Hi Dougal,

I'm going off on a tangent here, away from Suffocating Thoughts post. I also wanted to comment on how comforting and reassuring it can be to know that people care enough to comment, offer advice and try to show understanding through their replies to posts.

Sometimes our family members and friends are tied up with their own lives and don't always noticed when others are struggling or having a rough time.

I hope you are able to find the care, acceptance and welcome you need through this forum.

Cheers for now, From Mrs. Dools.

p.s. Apologies to you Suffocating Thoughts for "hijacking" your post!

Suffocating-thoughts · ‎03-11-2014

Hi!

Psychologist in just under 5hrs and I'm freaking, didn't even sleep at all, I really hate that I'm like this, I know shes there to help me and she's a professional, but in my mind she's still a stranger 😔

But this is one thing I'm definitely going to have to push through whether i like it or not.. I'll just keep telling myself, I need this & she will help me.

Will deffinately share how it all goes when Its over, you're right though if I do freak out atleast she's seeing it first hand...

- it's okay Mrs. Dools, I don't mind at all 🙂

dougall · ‎03-11-2014

Hi well done on going to see someone, sometimes being a stranger is the best thing, they do not have preconceived ideas about you or know any of your family. I have no problem talking, better when it is a stranger because you may never see them again. The one thing you do have to do no matter what is be honest, if you are not honest then you can't get help. The person that is the hardest to do this with is ourselves. Good luck will keep a look out for your post.