Life is here, medication is there, coping is extraordinary

[Maccap]

Medication for depression has been apart of my life for over 10 Years! Would you believe that I was suprised?
I am 35 now with a husband and two children. 6 and 3 as to date.
In my family depression is hereditary. Situational has it's place as well but highly hereditary.
This is a bitter pill to swallow. I truly have believed I could have control over my illness, if I changed more like my lifestyle habits. It does help to an extemt but is not a CURE.
The most scariest time for me is now.
I tried to come off antidepressants over a yr ago, trusting my GP and only weaned off in 4wks (which was, now looking back way too quickly) and I suffered extraordinary side effects which I would class as extremely detrimental to my health. I did
I have to call the paramedics at one stage and could not function and was discussing hospitalisation.

Since Coronavirus has been prevalent, my anxiety and depression has severely come to the forefront.

I struggle to breath, focus and function normally. My whole life has stopped. Both my children are now at home for their own health thank goodness.
My business as of tomorrow, has no business.
I AM GUTTERED.
Everything I have fricken sacrificed and worked so hard for is dead today.
I am relying on my husband. I have never had to do that.
I feel I have lost my independence and power 😭 these tears are real

[Ain66]

But your still here,still standing and if you look at what you've overcome so far.Breathe.U got this.This point in time is but a mere spec in the big picture of life!All the struggles you've had ...you won.youre still winning.life isn't what you would like atm...but it can be.

[therising]

Hi Maccap

One of the things in life that always saddens me is when I see a business closing and when a shopfront name changes to reflect such finality for the person who was once there. I think of the all the hard work and dreams that must feel so lost. My heart truly goes out to you as you struggle with losing this sense of life that has meant so much to you.

I'm hoping your husband is a good man. I say this with the idea in mind that he's not someone who would selfishly deprive you through financial abuse (withholding money). I'm hoping he is someone who would say 'You can depend on me', in a number of ways. The interdependent nature of a relationship is what helps get each other through the deeply challenging times. I'm hoping you would both be able to sit down together to work out what are 'our finances' as opposed to them being his.

One thing I have learned over the years when it comes to 'the business of raising kids' (as a stay at home mum in part) is they equally raise us. By the way, my little boy is 14 and my little girl is 17 now. Not so little nowadays. They are truly amazing people who have raised me in so many ways and still continue to do so every day of my life. Whether it involved my little girl who raised me through moments of unconditional love, when as a 3yo she'd sit on the couch hugging me (as I struggled with the bouts of sadness and tears that depression brings) or my son who still cons me into rising to crazy challenges like kayaking for the first time in my 49 years, last year, they have gifted thousands of moments where I have come to know myself better. While I have remained out of my depression for some years now, I found myself more than a decade later crying in my daughter's arms again just last week. We've all been challenged in our own ways over the past few weeks. You're allowed to cry (vent) through the challenges. As I said to my daughter 'It's hard to let go of that mantra parents should remain strong for their kids, she reminded me that I am the strongest person she knows and it's her privilege to support me as I've always supported her through deeply challenging times'.

Is it possible for you to use this time to study all the ways in which your 6 and 3yo raise you? Are they raising you through distraction from stressors or through the need for invention (creative ways to remain entertained)? Even when we are frustrated with our kids, they're still raising us (to find a natural understanding of behaviour).

Take care

[Doolhof]

Hi Maccap,

I'm so sorry to read of the situation you find yourself in. No doubt you are maybe confused, angry, frustrated, feel defeated and so many other things right now.

For me, I find it is helpful to write down what I am feeling, it is a release to a degree.

Right now you have a lot going on. It may take a while for you to find a new kind of normal when your world has been turned upside down. It is understandable.

It may be enough for you to just keep breathing and to put one foot in front of the other until you feel stronger.

In time, I hope you can sit down and consider who you are now. Think about your roles, the positive ones.

Being dependent on your husband does not mean that you have to loose who you are in all of this. You are not the same person you were last month, today you can be someone new and different.

My thoughts are with you, regards from Dools