Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

[Aggy]

Hi everyone. I just signed up and wanted to say hi to all.

I started med treatment from my doc last week for severe anxiety and today was diagnosed with agoraphobia.

I'm a middle aged guy with no friends or family so it's great to have somewhere to come and compare notes.

You all seem very nice and supportive of each other. That makes me feel better already and think I will like it here.

That's my first post, so look after yourselves and I'm looking forward to making a friend or two.

-aggy

[Aggy]

Hi GA.

I had to tell my boss what's happening. I felt he has the right to know.

I have my appointment in one hour and I am feeling just like you do about your appointment. I hope you will be ok and it goes well for you GA.

Please let me know how you went when you can, and I will let you know how I went too. I will be thinking about you.

-Aggy.

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Aggy,

I hate anxiety. I really just hate it. Let me go back to feeling nothing. Feeling everything over the smallest things is just pure hell. 

I missed my bus twice today and started crying as I walked down the road to the gp instead. Hyperventilating and all. Kept crying in her office in front of a medical student. I don't know how my gp puts up with me. 

She got my consent to get notes from my previous gp and hospital admissions. She also upped my antidepressants a little. We discussed hospital admission,  but I have had bad experiences with the local public hospital and the previous one I went to, a suburb over i said yes if I could go there, but other wise no. She is going to talk to them, the local clinic and a possible further support program to help deal with anxiety. Basically looking at extra supports as I have had a very rough two weeks. She was also going to confer with my psych after our appointment tomorrow. I have a follow up appointment in a week. 

I wish I had the money for private clinics, or hospitals who I have heard is good here in Perth but I can't even work and am living off Centrelink, so thats just not option. 

So I managed to leave the house, with much anxiety and I am an emotional mess. An emotional mess with a good gp looking into ways to make it better though. So thats something. 

I hope your day is going at least ok, or better than ok.

GA

[Aggy]

Hi GA.

So good to hear from you.

Don't you realise how strong you are? I could never go on a bus or even attempt walking down the street like you did. And you did it to get help for yourself, no other reason. I'm proud of you and wish I could be as brave as you are.

Don't worry, I was a complete mess at my psyhc appointment yesterday too, and there were 3 of us in the room just like your appointment. I think I know how you felt.

My antidepressants were doubled and the 'calm down' pills were increased too.

We also talked about hospital admission but the Doc said I wouldn't be able to handle it and I agreed with him. I'd be terrified. He is organising follow up support with my psychologist. Now I also have to have blood tests and cat scan which I am not looking forward to. 

So we both made it through a tough day, somehow. I think we are both fighters and determined to get through this. I know you hate anxiety, it's also the other feelings that come with it like guilt, despair, etc. that makes it even harder.

Stay strong, and I hope you have a nice day today. Maybe do something you like as a reward for the huge achievement you made yesterday.

-Aggy.

[geoff]

dear Aggy and GA, it is really good that 2 people or even more have a connection between each other, because it makes them feel more comfortable when they have to front the same issues.

There have been many good points that have been raised here, and the first is what GA has said 'combination of willpower, shame at her seeing me break down, guilt at wasting her time', which is a terrific way of somehow making you having to go and do these sessions with your psych, doctor or anything else.

The psych's always have a box of tissues sitting on their desk, because they expect those that are suffering to break down, so as much as we may feel guilty for crying there is no need.

I remember when I was seeing my psychologist for 20 odd years, I totally overshadowed her in size, as I must have been enormous to her, but there I was crying in her office, it's only how we feel, we can't stop it.

I would like either or both of you to google 'desensitisation', which you may have already, but if not it's a great way to overcome your fear/anxiety. L Geoff. x

[Aggy]

Hi Geoff.

I understand what you mean. It is great that we are able to each other, it's proof I guess how valuable BB really is.

I have used that box of tissues a few times now and I'm sure I will be needing it again. For some reason no matter how silly I feel for blubbering, I always seem to feel better afterwards.

I was rushed into an emergency appointment with a GP on Monday morning as I was in a very bad way. The Doctor didn't even offer me tissue or a drink of water. Just a little compassion seems to go a long way at those times.

Thanks for your input Geoff, I hope your day was good and right now I'm off to google 'desensitisation'.

-Aggy.

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Aggy, 

I cried through this psych appointment too. So many tissues. I couldn't even start some exercises because I just kept bursting into tears. Eventually we got there but I was still pretty low and emotional when I left.

I have an appointment with her on Monday, and she is talking to my gp who is in on Tuesday. She even offered me sessions after the mental health plan ran out, at no charge on the provisio I just don't give up. So I am being looked after. I guess I will find out next week  about what other options are. 

My psych was also supportive of a hospital stay, if they could swing the previous good hospital, not my local one. Its only because I am one suburb over the catchment area after

 the divorce that I had to change clinics and hospitals at all. Got to love arbitrary government rules.

I am still on and off crying, for no reason. Anxiety is still rocketing back up. But I am just fighting the fight, or at least hiding under a doona when I can.

I hope the results come back ok, or at least nothing too major. waiting for results just seems like anxiety fuel. I'm guessing the follow up apointment would be pretty far away, given the rural situation? How are you feeling otherwise?

Geoff, I will google that too. Anything to kick this monkey off my back.

GA

[Aggy]

Hi there Girl.

It's great that your psyhc is so willing to help you. She obviously can see that you are worth helping and can get you to a better place than where your at now. She must believe in you otherwise she wouldn't bother.

Please, if you can, keep letting us know how it's going. It's always good to hear from you and I will try to do the same.

After three bad life changing experiences in a year, and then a relationship breakup was what finally seem to push me over the edge.

I am going ok, but have to try and get to work soon and well, you know. I don't want go.

I hope you go ok today with your appointment.

-Aggy.

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Aggy, 

My psych appointment went well, I guess. I have been feeling somewhat numb these past days. Like my brain just can't handle more emotion right now. Then today I am being over emotional again, thanks to some rather traumatic dreams and a bad nights sleep.

I am seeing my psych again thursday morning, and my gp thursday afternoon. Anxiety is higher today aswel because I know she is speaking to my gp today. I know they would consult me before doing anything but the part of that freaked out when I was involuntarily admitted to a mental hospital ( due to being in anear catatonic state and unable to speak let alone male decisions for myself) is whispering irrational, unrealistic things to me. 

I am going shopping today though, for birthday presents and so I have to leave the house. But today I can leave the house I think, with a few anxiety shakes. I'll take my meds for it before I go. 

Enough about me, how are you going? Did you manage to get to work?

GA

[Aggy]

Hi Girl.

Great to see you posting your progress and thoughts etc.

I would tell you to try and not listen to the voice in your head but I know that's just not always possible. Sometimes it's hard to be strong but we must fight and not let these horrible thoughts and feelings completely consume us.

I'm glad your appointment went ok. Try to remember that your Psyhc and GP are only talking about helping you recover from an illness.

Things are not going very well for me at the moment, I may have to quit work soon and can only manage a few hours a day now and It's getting more difficult all the time. I don't eat much anymore.

I guess things can only get better for us both from here.

All the best with shopping today, you seem confident about it and that's great.

Keep posting whenever you like and I hope it goes well today.

-Aggy.

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Aggy, 

Shopping went ok, anxiety central this morning giving said gifts (will she like them? What of somebody else got the same thing? What will her parents think of me based on my decisions?)

Anxiety high this morning because of psych and gp discussions. Waiting til tomorrow seems almost unbearable. My monsters are running rampant with what they could have said and the options they might present me with and what I could respond with, the pros and cons of each, etc.

Are there many jobs available where you are? Or are you able to take a week off and come back to the job, if your supervisor is willing? Quitting will simplify your life but by going to work you are challenging your agoraphobia every day. So time off may be what you need, a breakdown , may be what you need as a sort of coping mechanism. But if you take time off, you can still challenge your illness everyday by making reasons to take baby steps.

I hope you can find a way out of where you are now, even if it means going down first, before going up.

I also wanted to apologise, I seem to be flooding your thread with my problems, when I have my own thread in the depressions forums for that. I should be focusing more on you and not so much on me. I am sorry for that. 

GA