Intrusive thoughts 24/7 making me depressed.

[Guest0012]

Hi.

I have had an extremely tough year. I had graduated high school in aus, and then took half a gap year in my home country, but it didn't go as expected. I was very lonely, and sad, and my grandma who was there became terminally ill. I didn't really leave the house (due to many reasons i won't go into) except for seeing her in the hospital, and on the way back i would always cry. my dad was with me. Due to all the stress i started getting intrusive thoughts, that made me so ashamed and depressed. In may after about 6 weeks of her being in the hospital she passed away. I was sad beyond belief, and due to my unhealthy mental state i could barely keep on living. A few weeks after the funeral i came back to aus, and started university in july. I have extreme intrusive thoughts non stop, all the time. I started therapy in august, but only see my psychologist every 3 weeks, and though it is helping i still think does it ever get better. I get so frustrated and ashamed with myself due to my intrusive thoughts that i have non stop. If i'm with friends i have them, if i'm at uni i have them, if i'm at home i have them. And it's the EXACT same thought, it's only 1 thought i keep having and i can't believe it.

I suffered for 3 and a half months alone, before i told my mum who got me to the psychologist after i asked. but she doesn't know my thoughts, no one does except my psychologist because i'm too ashamed to tell them. Now it's been over 4 months and i start to wonder does it ever get better.

i feel trapped in my mind sometimes i even wish i couldn't think.

I've been depressed before but nothing like this. it affects every part of my life, to where i can barely function. I'm almost failing uni, i'm losing friends, i'm keeping distance from my family and i'm hating myself.

i just don't know what to do, at this point i want to get any medication to just reduce it, but my psychologist hasn't talked about medication, or even diagnosed me yet.

[smallwolf]

lurvein11,

There are a few positives in your post even if they dont appear that way at the moment. One being that you are not failing yet at Uni - been there done that. And you have your mothers support as well. If you dont mind my asking, how many other friends or family know what you are going through? Also, if you are at Uni, have you also contacted student services or counselling there? They might be able to help you get through Uni studies?

The kicker is that with problems like ours, which are anxiety and depression, we dont really know how long we will be affected? I mean, with a broken arm you have some idea how long it would be before the cast comes off?

Also, please dont feel embarrassed about your thoughts. And you at least told your psychologist. Did they hint that you should tell your mother or family about these thoughts. I had to tell my wife about the some stuff going on. My reasons were embarrassment plus wanting to protect the other from overthinking what I was saying.

Some little tips and tricks.... Do you know what your triggers are? Do you have any distraction and coping techniques? These are things that can bring you back to the present moment.

Lastly, my psych got to to read (/buy) a book called The Happiness Trap. It use Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and includes steps to help. For example, when you have these intrusive thoughts, saying thank you to your mind, or insert "I just had the thought...". These are techniques to recognise that it our mind playing tricks on us. And means of slowing down if not stopping those intrusive thoughts. The thought may come back the next day. They might even become a distant memory.

Ultimately, these things take time. I have only been seeing my psych for 1 year. And I get homework to do. Assuming you have a good relationship with your psych, then all (haha) it takes is trust and time. I also found that even if something did not work first time, to try again. Not to give up. And if it does not work between then and the next session, tell your psych so you can find an alternative approach?

So now I ask you to trust me when I say that it can get better. But I have days now where I doubt I am "better". And I can say that I am better compared to 5 month ago.

If you have any questions or want to chat some more, I will be around here.

Tim

Tim