Intrusive Anxiety over Literally Nothing

ElliotCleverland · ‎03-08-2017

Hi all

I've always imagined scenarios that have a 0.05% chance of actually occurring, and then I have anxiety over the potential consequences. It's crazy.

It happened during my early teens (up to 14). I was petrified of drugs (note, nobody in my family has had drug issues - was an odd, but good fear to have I guess). If I went into a public bathroom and saw a sharpie bin or what looked like powder, I would be worried that it would somehow effect me, as if some fake powder somehow flew up inside my nose. I would literally google "(insert drug name) symptoms of use" and look out for symptoms, in case I somehow digested it (looking back, I see how silly this is). Oh and of course, because I was reading the symptoms, my body tricked myself into thinking I was experiencing them.

Fast forward to now, where I'm twenty. Typical stuff really... I became acquaintances with some colourful people. Nobody properly dangerous, but moved in questionable circles. Through third degree connections, mutual mates who they had - some pretty 'unlikable' members of society came to knowledge. I was privy to lots of information, things not of a legal nature. Since then, I believe I have fallen out with these people. It was a huge misunderstanding, but they're ignoring my messages and I feel like they're mad. They've told me stuff that I'm not comfortable knowing, stuff which I would hate to be questioned for leaking (not that I have, but if something happened...) and it taught me lessons about who to and who not to associate with. I trusted these people with lots, and the whole hostility makes me uncomfortable. So much so, that I don't go out at night anymore. I don't go to the gym, I'm almost becoming a recluse.

Nothing has actually happened to warrant this. No threats, no signs or anything. Just me thinking "what if (person) told (person) what I thought about (person).. Oh no, that could be very dangerous. They're violent, they're this they're that blah blah..." In reality, these people don't even think about me anymore and the 'falling out' was over six months ago. It's just their nature (more so, the nature of their associates) which makes me extremely anxious.

I've spoken to some mates, in full detail and they say that nothing has happened to make me worry. They're right, I know it but can't let it settle...

I can't remember how I got over the whole drug thing, but I NEED to get over this. It leaves me trembling with intrusive thoughts.

Thanks in advanced! 😞

ElliotCleverland · ‎04-08-2017

Didn't have enough characters above to add one more minor detail..

It's only really an issue during night. When I'm busy during the day (work and what not) - I'm completely fine. It may enter my mind from time to time, but I think nothing of it and I brush it off. When it's night-time and I'm home (although not alone) that's when I can't put these intrusive thoughts to bed. When I'm distracted, it's fine - but I can only ever preoccupy myself with so much, there's bound to be times where I just sit around (most nights).

Not sure how relevant that is!

geoff · ‎04-08-2017

hi Elliot, these thoughts are intrusive and happen when somebody has OCD which I also have, and you can't blame yourself because it's an illness and it comes from having anxiety.
These acquaintances are not the type of people you want to associate with, because for one reason it's going to put you in a situation where you don't want to be in, knowledge of what they do or what happens is only going to increase your anxiety/OCD and intrusive thoughts.
There is a large section on 'intrusive thoughts' on BB which may interest you so if you google it then it will appear.
You can also go and visit your doctor, medication may help you with your OCD and if your doctor feels as though talking with a psychologist will benefit you then it's suggested, but stipulate to your doctor that the psychologist deals with OCD because some of don't. Geoff.

romantic_thi3f · ‎04-08-2017

Hi ElliotCleverland,

Thanks for your post.

What Geoff said is absolutely right; these are intrusive thoughts. You may know logically there's nothing to fear - like powder won't whiff through your nose from the floor, or that it's been long enough to know that they'll be no fallback - but when fear and anxiety comes into it logic just flies out the window!

Even though it's true that intrusive thoughts can occur in OCD, they can also just happen in regular anxiety. I've had them before.

What stands out in your post to me is how much you need to get over this and can't let it settle. I can understand why you've said that, but the problem with intrusive thoughts is that we give them power when we want them to go away. They come back with a vengeance! So instead, I invite you to try and remember that these are just thoughts. You know the logic and you've explored that well; so with every thought that comes along you can reply/respond to it with something logical to put it in it's place.

Things like mindfulness and meditation can be really helpful, because the concept of this is trying to be in the present moment with our thoughts but without analysing them or questioning them. I really encourage you to look into it as it can be super effective for anxiety.

Hope this helps!

P.S. Intrusive and any unhelpful thoughts tend to happen more at night because your brain is literally 'making space' for them. When you're busy throughout the day your brain literally does not have time to worry about it. Things like breathing apps and sound machines/apps can be really helpful here in trying to help your brain switch off and let go.

ElliotCleverland · ‎04-08-2017

Geoff, many thanks for your reply.

I'm not surprised to see you mention OCD as part of the reasoning behind my conundrum. A few years ago, I had some pretty consuming HOCD (whereby I have been straight my entire life, but started to develop intrusive concerns questioning my sexuality. Because I found these uncomfortable, I fixated on them - note: I am not against homosexuality, but my dad is.. probably hence my discomfort). However, it seems to have disappeared and I'm back to my normal self in that regard. I'm also a germ freak (my skin goes red from washing my hands too often) and I do weird things concerning even numbers. I will spell out words in my head and determine if they had an even or odd amount of letters, I would then continue adding to the sentence - until I could finish with an even amount of letters!

Not the end of the world, but an odd thing nonetheless.

ElliotCleverland · ‎04-08-2017

Thank you so much for your response. I resonate entirely with what you and Geoff have both said, I understand exactly what you're saying. On a deep level, I know that my fears are stupid - I just can't help but let them consume me. I have definitely considered meditation, I will start practising it after my showers so I can get some sleep with ease. What you said re: night time makes perfect sense!

Thanks again.