Insane?

[Bluey_moon]

Hi guys, 

By now I guess you know my story. Health anxiety, anxiety, obsessive tendencies! Ekk, quite a list! 

Specifically, this time at least, my worries centre around scizophrenia. This week I'm worried I'm becoming paranoid! First I worried that I thought people were watching me, I don't think I really thought that?! Now I'm stressing I'm worried about people's motives, for example, my doctor, whom I have always trusted. It feels like these thoughts are driving me insane. Am I going crazy? Is it a part of the anxiety? I don't seem to think these things when I'm busy. 

Ive not had a lot of sleep this week and I don't see my psycologist until next week. I guess I want reassurance, I know you guys can't give. Has anyone been through something similar? 

I really thought the tablets were helping!! And they have slowed the thoughts down, and the intrusive thoughts are going! 

Skye

[Bluey_moon]

It's just making me want to cry, I'm not a suspicious person, never! I really doubt I beleive these things but what if I do?

For those who don't know, I've been evaluated by a psychiatric nurse/team, a psycologist and my gp, all of who said they put money on the fact I'm NOT scizophrenic! 

[White_Rose]

Dear Skye

Sounds like a good idea to place a bet. Anxiety, depression and being obsessive appears a certainty for worry. So if you look at your life from that point of view you can see these illnesses you have make it almost mandatory to worry or obsess about different parts of your life. I think I would worry more if you stay concerned with one aspect all the time. e.g. worry about having schizophrenia and nothing else, or worry about being watched and nothing else, etc. But you flip from one worry to the next and to my untrained brain that simply means you worry a lot.

I am not being flippant. This is really how it appears to me. I have depression and anxiety. Also a bit of PTSD. Good combination for stressing out at times, and I do. And it's always something different. My drains got blocked at the weekend and I called out a plumber ON SATURDAY, which cost twice as much as in the week. So now I am worrying about when it will happen again and if I can afford it. Please note I say WHEN not IF. And yes this did happen but I am not being realistic by worrying that it will happen again.

I trust people then get worried that my trust is misplaced, much like you with your doctor. It's horrible because you find yourself trying to reinterpret everything that is said to you and find hidden motives everywhere.

So what can you do? Get a piece of paper and write down your suspicions/thoughts/worries  and make a separate line for each one. Look squarely at the object of your worry and ask yourself what has changed between him/her/it and you. (Good idea to put this in whole thing in columns by the way). Has this person harmed you in some way in the past? Has anyone else ever suggested this person/thing has harmed them or you? Review your past interactions with the object of your worry and write down how much this person etc has helped/comforted/cared for you. Then assess the reasonableness of your anxiety.

Truly this helps me. I don't need to write it down anymore. I remind myself of the past. It's not an instant reassurance but you have started to walk the path. I have cried and yelled and screamed (although very quietly) because I feel so stupid thinking like this, then I get angry with myself, and then, you guessed it, I worry about my sanity, and then I cry.

My guess is that many more folk go through this than you would guess. More or less intensely depending on the person. So you are not alone. But please have a good chat with your psych when next you meet.

Mary

[Mummybee]

Hi Skye,

To me, it just sounds like your anxiety is high at the moment and your brain is playing tricks on you. The professionals have said that they don't think you are, but that is obviously not helping your state of mind at the moment. Trust me, I know the feeling of doubting the professionals.

Have you had these kind of mental health anxieties before? If so, how did you over come them last time? Sometimes it just takes time for our brains to reset and recover from a stressor.

I wish there was some sort of way we could offer relief for you, but your brain can be your worst enemy at times. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the best chance to be well.

Mummybee

[Bluey_moon]

Thank you both for your replies and reassurance! And I definatley will try to take your advice on board. 

I am possibly just suffering the effects of lack of sleep and increasing my dosage of SSRI! 

I think I know deep down my worries are unfounded but I have a huge amount of self doubt! 

[Dwwmills]

Hi Skye.

Sounds like your lack of sleep has got your anxiety in
overdrive. I find it particularly difficult to keep anxiety under control when
I’m sleep deprived as well. A couple of good night’s sleep and the world is a
different place. Having a small baby and especially a sick one makes it very
difficult to get some sleep.

White Rose has some good suggestions above about how to
tackle the anxiety.

I think you need to be kind to yourself and accept that
whilst you’re tired it will be very difficult to keep these thoughts under
control even on medication. You seem to be doing very well at keeping sight of
the fact that these are only thoughts and then not reality. By being kind to
yourself I really mean that, it’s not just a catchphrase. This is not something
that you are going to beat overnight. You are taking the right steps to get
better. Don’t punish yourself every time you have an anxious thought. I find by
doing this it helps take pressure off and gives me a small chance to relax
which can help reduce the anxiety.

My other suggestion would be to direct your thoughts
elsewhere. It is impossible to stop thinking of something. The harder you try
the more you think about it. I find by listening to the audio from the CBT app
I told you about the other day helps redirect my mind. They are part of the
therapy I used to change my thinking patterns. They can be downloaded and you
can listen to them on your phone as you go about your daily life. They have the
advantage of being made by a psychologist for the purpose of teaching people
CBT and tackling anxiety. There is an excess of a hundred hours worth of audio.
It is like having a psychologist in your pocket teaching you how to change the
way you think.

Again be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack and try
and get some sleep. Hang in there until your psychologist appointment next week
I’m sure they’ll be very helpful.

[Bluey_moon]

Thank you so much for your words, I might try to download that app! I'm working on trying to accept this is the way it is! 

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Skye,

I'm scared that I'm going crazy sometimes too and every now and then I actually manage to catch myself and realise that these are just thoughts.
I think it would do you the world of good to do some exercises to take your mind away from the thoughts you're having. I've tried practising mindfullness before and if you do it right, it can really help you not only relax your mind, but also get to sleep. My advice would be to listen to some audio to guide you through it as that makes it heaps easier.

One of the Beyond Blue Counselors recommended the HeadSpace App to me and the free version it has a ten minute audio that you can use.

I know it can be really hard and even though you know deep down that these thoughts aren't the truth, they just keep persisting.

[Bluey_moon]

Thank you Chicken wings! (Love the name BTW, it really made me smile!!!)

i will definately look at that app! 

I do try to do the mindfulness excerises sometimes, but I struggle at times! 

[Chicken_Wings]

glad I made you smile 🙂 It was literally the only thing I could think of when I signed up!

Don't forget that with mindfulness, catching yourself thinking about other things doesn't mean you're doing it wrong, it means you're doing it right. You're meant to catch your intrusive thoughts.

And its SO much easier if you're listening to audio guide you through a session.