I want to quit my job but I can't

[infjt]

I am currently a student doing a part-time job in property management. This job is not aligned with my career path and some areas of the job are not aligned with my values. I want to resign to focus on building my skills and finding a job aligned with my values and career path. In addition to that, lately, I have been so stressed with too much workload and pressure in addition to the stress in completing all my school assessments. I have to work or can't help but think about work even on my day off. I don't know if it's because of stress but I've been feeling sick often and having palpitations. One time after work, I just locked myself in my room for almost 24 hours and I don't even know why I did that. I have been thinking about resigning for some time now (months) but I can't find the courage to do so. Now, my manager is going through something difficult and the workload is heavy, and I don't want to be an additional burden so I can't hand in my resignation. I don't know what to do.

[Aaronsis]

Hey infjt

Welcome and I had to reply to you as I needed you to know that you putting your manager's feelings before your own is very considerate of you and thinking about what is going on for him/her is very kind of you HOWEVER, this job sounds like it is doing damage to you and I think it is time to consider your feelings and what is best for you.

Your manager will cope and will be fine, but as you mentioned your starting to do things that you have not done before, like locking yourself in your room to avoid perhaps, and starting to feel sick. These are signs that things are not good and that you need to notice and make some changes. Your resignation is your choice and you are not an additional burden. You have a right to leave a situation that no longer serves you and even more so if it is infact impacting how you feel.

It is hard to resign, I am not going to sugar coat that but I think that it is time, for both your mental health and your physical health too. You can practice saying the words into the mirror to yourself and hear youself saying the words, you don't have to go in to elaborate detail as to why you are resigning and as long as you give the required notice you have done nothing wrong.

I would be happy to chat some more to you and even go through some things to say to your manager if you would like to practice how to resign, we could do that here, if you wanted to?

Welcome to the forum and I am so proud you have reached out for some support today.

Hugs
Sarah

[Aaronsis]

..oh and I am ENFP so feelings and talking are my thing xx

[jtjt_4862]

Hiya infjt,

A warm welcome to the forums. Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way with your current situation... I can understand the feeling of resigning a job, as I've done that myself after building a good relationship with a lot of wonderful colleagues for many years. It was my first time ever to resign from a job that I've grown to love the people. But unfortunately due to unforeseen circumstances, I had to resign for my own well being. It's a bitter sweet moment when my colleagues decided to have a small get together on video chat to have some casual social moment (we were all working from home back then due to the pandemic), and a massive online card signed with a lot of lovely messages about how much I've contributed to the team and the company, and how I'll be sorely missed.

With all that, it definitely made me feel that my resignation was a burden to them. Now that there's one less member in the team, I fear that they may not be able to make it and will struggle. It was a tough decision, and I'm unsure what would happen to our years of friendship and comradery be like. At the end of the day, like Sarah said, the decision is ours to make, and we're doing what we feel is right for ourselves, and not for the company. The company can always open an application to hire another person to replace us, but we only have one life. We're responsible for our own well being, while owners of a company are responsible for the company's well being, not us. One thing to keep in mind, when making the decision to resign, be firm on your ground about leaving the company, especially if you're a valuable resource. Your managers and bosses will try and persuade you to stay, and it can be tricky navigating through it all.

On a more positive note, you're doing great in identifying what you want to do with your career, and what you'd like to focus on in order to achieve it. Well done yo :).

Happy to chat with you more infjt.

Jt

P.S I'm an INFJ-A, so we're similar except for the last letter.

[bluemoonbluesky]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Well done on being here to seek support. I will be rather frank in my advice as I can totally understand what you are going through with regards to a workplace.

My advice to you is that you need to flip your thinking and constantly telling yourself that you can't leave is probably going to do more damage in the long term. As someone who put up with a toxic work situation for years, I didn't get out of there until it was too late. The stress, the anger, the frustration, the disappointment, ate away at me without knowing what damage was really happening. Until the day I had my first panic attack, and then I was constantly getting panic attacks at work. On 2-3 occasions I couldn't sleep at all, dreading going to work, until 5 or 6am when I had major panic attacks and took myself to a hospital. I'm not saying that will happen to you, but recognise and acknowledge the physical signs.

I had to take more sick leave than I ever took before (we're talking weeks and months) until finally they got rid of me which I was thankful for. I should have left years before that point. In my life now, I am still picking up the pieces. That organisation continues to exist, make money, and employ others, and good on them, but my life was in many ways ruined for years. Think about that.

As you get older, you realise that life goes on. Companies and organisations go through people all the time. If it's not for you, that's fine, move on. There will be no hard feelings and it will not be an issue.

In summary, put yourself first. You have to look after yourself. I cannot stress that enough. And at the end of the day, this is a part-time job. You have your whole career ahead of you, life is way too short to be putting yourself in this situation. We are here whenever you need us. I hope my advice has given you something to think about.

[infjt]

Hi Sarah,

I feel guilty about resigning because it's like I am being selfish but I guess, recognising what my body is telling me and doing what is best for me is not a bad thing at all, yeah? Thank you for giving me assurance through your words that everything will be well especially for my manager, and that I am not a burden. Would really appreciate your help in finding the right words to say to my manager. 🙂

[infjt]

Hello fellow INFJ :) Your colleagues are so sweet and what they did showed how they really appreciate you. Just like you, my colleagues and bosses are like a family to me now, so leaving would be really hard. But like what you've said, we only have one life to live. I hope I can be firm with the decision of leaving as you have advised. Oh, and thank you for the compliment about my career plans.

[infjt]

Hi Bluemoonbluesky,

I am sorry to hear about what you had to go through and thank you for sharing it. It is definitely an eye-opener for me and I know you've shared it so I won't have to go through it too. I hope you can pick up all your broken pieces and put them back together again, soon. Thank you for reassuring me that I can always count on this forum whenever I need help.

[infjt]

Thank you so much for your advices. I never thought that sharing and asking for some support here would be this comforting. I didn't really expect to get a reply so thank you so much! Reading your messages, I can see one thing in common: To look after myself first.

[Aaronsis]

Hey infjt

Your appreciation for our replies is so heart warming. That is why we are here, to support and to reach back when others call out. I think you can see by how many of us had some support for you how much we care.

I also think that we have all shared the same sentiments of self care and I think you can hear that too. I understand that you feel guilt and feel bad for wanting to leave. Can I ask you though if your manager is showing guilt for how you are feeling and how this role is impacting you… does he/ she even notice? It is time to take care of you, you are the most important person in your life.

I think you may have to give formal written word so this makes it also somewhat less awkward. In your letter you can briefly say something like:

To whom it may concern

I XXX am formally writing to give you (insert employer here) notice of my resignation.

I would like to thank you for the opportunities that you have provided to me and will take with me many skills that I have learnt while in this role.

My last day of work will be Xxx ( not sure if you will have to give 2 or 4 weeks notice).

With thanks.

kind personal regards

infjt

You could then print your letter off and hand it to your manager. You should do it at the end of a shift so you can leave as you may need the space. That is my advice. You could simply say:

“Manager I would like to hand you my notice of resignation”

The manager will take the letter and probably ask you why or what they can do to keep you. You can simply say that you have decided to move on to other areas of you life that support your career. Or you can say you are taking a break to focus on study.

I believe in you and you can do this. You will so proud when you have done this and made this choice for you.

hugs

Sarah