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I need a place to offload all the stuff that i am carrying at the moment

sera
Community Member

Hello and thank you for all,

 

It is difficult to get your thoughts down on the page when you are anxious and depressed. You lose your assertiveness and ability to say what you what to say. 

 

I'm Nick, guy who is middle age, and I have a diagnosis of social anxiety and depression, from my early 20s. 

I've just started a teaching placement which will go until the end of May, 4 days a week. Today is the second day and I've called in sick, but I'm not. I get stressed, emotional and anxious in any new situation, not just this one. I am very sensitive to criticism, and I have a history of getting fired from jobs, because of non-attendance and making mistakes. I feel deflated and sometimes will start crying when I think about my life.

 

Luckily, I have a great Mum and Dad, brother and sister-in-law. My parents are both in their 80s, so I take this into account when talking about my mental health. To be clear, I will talk to them, and they will notice, when I am not well, but I think about their health and worry. 

 

The medication I take 'seems' to work at times, but my mood can be volatile and I don't deal well with criticism. I have used CBT to work through things, but it is not enough. I am not bipolar, I don't exhibit manic behaviours.

 

I am not sure what else to say, as I feel sluggish in my thoughts, and want to rest now.

 

I appreciate those who have read what i have had to say, and hope you are ok.

 

Nick 

12 Replies 12

sera
Community Member

Thanks Annas1 and Steph for your replies. Thoughtful and caring.😀

 

Cheers Nick

sera
Community Member

Hello,

I am writing at home and my self-loathing is making it hard to write. I am a loser, I've screwed up my life, I don't know what to say. I stay at home in bed watching YT, eating badly and getting up only to go to supermarket or to let cat out. I have no friends or girlfriend - I have wanted to have someone for the last fifteen years - and do not think this will ever change. I isolate myself and lie to my parents and others, so I can avoid meeting people. Life is a joke, I want it to be over, not suicidal, but just jump 30 years into the future, where I naturally die. I'm sorry to post something so negative and depressing. Thanks for reading. 

Rach28
Community Member

hi Nick. Firstly i understand a bit of what your saying. Not everything.

 I struggle with anxiety (mild-severe) and depression. I suffer ptsd and social anxiety. 

A bundle of fun - honestly not! It sucks and i completely understand your comment about hating negative criticism. I recently quit a job that the employer criticised me for not being a robot. To this day im struggling with overcoming those thoughts that have been imprinted in my brain. Its insane how one persons opinion of us can change how we view ourselves - confidence and self-esteem wise. And sadly this individual has no clue how their words or behaviour can trigger our mental health issues. Anyway I just wanted you to mainly know your not alone. I personally have been long-term unemployed. Before this recent job (August 2024) i was unemployed for over 5 years. Its hard! And its even harder when you get a job and are so excited about it ... and it comes down crashing and burning around you. It sucks when that happens. Its sadly something that happens to me on a regular basis. I guess i want to say I wish i had the answer to your question / situation. Same as I wish I had the answer to my situation. Anxiety sucks. Its returned stronger than ever in my life ... i thought it disappeared for a while and i even stopped taking medication to manage it. It sucks so badly how mental health consumes us and we feel isolated because of it. I hope you can somehow find ways to better manage your anxiety, seek support and maybe find a way to communicate your struggles to your employer. So they can better support you and understand your needs to better provide a supportive workplace.