I’m to anxious to apply for a graduate job in my field.

[Reenie93]

Hello,

I am wondering if anyone has any tips or advice to overcome the anxiety I am experiencing.

To explain it I need to explain a bit of a back story first.

I graduated from uni in 2017 as a primary school teacher. Throughout my degree I had many placements which I enjoyed and all went really well. I got a lot of positive feedback from both mentor teachers and other school staff members.

In my internship, in my final semester I had a horrible time. My mentor was extremely harsh and I really struggled dealing with the stress of it all. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be ‘perfect’ because I wanted top marks (like all my previous placements) and I couldn’t understand why I was getting the level of negative feedback that I was receiving. The stress was so bad I ended up getting sick with an extreme case of shingles (at the age of 24) and spent time in hospital because of it. Anyway, after a long 6 weeks I finished and finalised all my papers so I could graduate with one thought in my mind...never do I ever want to teach again!

My confidence has been completely shattered and I was no longer sure of anything other than I never wanted to go through those feelings again.

So I took a job as an Coordinator at a before and after school care centre. So I still get to use my degree to some extent. I thought I’ll do this and try and figure out what I’m going to do next (should I go and study something else, look at a new field etc). Three years later and nothing has come to me, there hasn’t been anything really that I’ve thought ‘oh yep I really want to do that’. I do want to change as I feel I can not grow any further in my current job both professionally and financially.

So recently I have thought about teaching and how I should just go and do what I studied to do. The problem is nothing scares me more. I can’t even bring myself to re register myself as a teacher without being brought to tears and panic. I worry so much that because I didn’t go straight into my field after study that I won’t know anything and I will be no good. I worry that I’ve forgotten how horrible I felt in my internship and I could just be putting myself back into a similar situation. Others have told me to begin with relief work and work myself up to it. But I just don’t know what scenario I could be walking into each day and if I’d be able to do a good job or not. The whole thing just makes me feel like it’s too much and it will end badly so you I just don’t bother. Any advice?

[SarahZ]

Hello Reenie93,

Thank you for reaching out. I just want to say I'm really sorry to hear about your terrible experience during your final semester of your internship. It sounds like it must have been exceptionally stressful and hard to cope with considering your previous glowing reviews from other mentor teachers and school staff. I think it's really great that you have engaged with your current job for a while now and realise that you have capped the amount of personal and professional growth you can have in this position. While venturing out to a new area seems really daunting and anxiety-provoking I guess it might also feel a bit exciting to see what else is out there and all the new experiences you will have. Although easier said than done if your passion really lies with teaching I think it would be nice to give it a try again. I can see how hard it will be though given your previous experience. Some overly harsh people (ie., your previous mentor) sometimes neglect to understand the impact their words and actions have on others and how it might affect them in the long run. I'm in a similar boat in the sense that I've just graduated university and am trying to figure out what to do next. I know from previous experience I would always doubt myself whether to apply for volunteering/job positions in fear that I wasn't good enough . However, over time i've just realised that if i never try I will never know the outcome. If I got the position it was like 'yeh that's great!' and if I didn't it was like 'oh that's unfortunate' and I would just move on to the next. But as cliche as it sounds I feel if you never try you never know. I would say don't give up on your dreams due to the bad experience with that one mentor. You seem exceptionally talented and insightful so I'm sure you will excel in anything you take on whether it be teaching or not 🙂

Please feel free to give an update whenever you feel up to it!

Wishing you the very best ~

[Not_Batman]

Hi Reenie93.

i have experienced something similar at work in the past. I went from being a really enthusiastic person, but anxiety caught me off guard, as did a load of negative comments like (paraphrasing) “this is simple, its no different than what the other in your team do”.
I got so upset about it all, Being told by an uneducated twit that i was not an (insert profession here)’s butthole - (again paraphrasing)

those negative comments play on your mind and make you believe you are rubbish...which you are not.

look at the positives. You have graduated, have had great feedback.

Your mentor may have had good intentions that were not conveyed well. Nobody is perfect, so take the opportunity to deconstruct the negative feedback and use that as an opportunity to grow. Sort of like turning the negatives into positives. Easier said than done i know.

Follow your dreams and Build your confidence back up.

Not_Batman

[missep123]

Hi Reenie93,

I'm so sorry to hear that you had that experience. It honestly makes me feel so frustrated that there are bad mentors out there that can really negatively impact our confidence.

From what I have read, it seems like the mentors and your experiences (before the bad one) demonstrated that you were wonderful at your job! From my own experience it can be so difficult to remind ourselves our ability and what we are capable of when we have a bad experience.

May I ask, have you spoken to a mental health professional about this?

One thing that I like to do for myself is realise what negative thoughts I am having about myself and really do some thought challenging. The proof against the negative thought can be very helpful.

Please keep us updated, it sounds like you would be an amazing teacher (if that's what you would like to do in the future of course)

[Reenie93]

Hello,

Thank you for your response. I have had some help in the past with a professional but I found I didn’t get as much as I had hoped from it. I am not sure if maybe we were not the right fit for one another (psychology to patient). I have been thinking about trying again with a different psychologist.

May I ask what you mean by thought challenging? When you are experiencing negative thoughts. For me the hardest thing to get past is the negative thoughts whenever I start to look into teaching. I have a little bit of confidence and start to picture myself in the position, or what I might say in an interview and then boom all the negativity comes rolling in my mind and then I just become really anxious that I begin to panic and so I tell myself to not bother because it is to much.

[Reenie93]

Hi Not_Batman,

Thank you for your response and sharing your experience m. It is certainly hard to turn the negatives around into positives that’s for sure. But as I am getting older I do want to learn how to grow from things that I go experience in life rather than looking at them as something that was a bad time.

I feel I have associated some trauma to my experience simply because of how horrible I was feeling at the time and I have not dealt with it in a healthy way. Now anything related to the profession creates a wave of anxiety and panic in me. So it is difficult to go back and look at the negative comments in order to move forward. I feel like I am trying to face a huge fear head on. It is a scary thing.

[Not_Batman]

Hi Reenie93

it took quite a bit of therapy with a psychologist (that i clicked well with) to learn ways to cope with the trauma. While i still get anxiety, i dont get it to the level i did.

i would certainly not rule out the psychologist option, to at least talk about the trauma, how it has affected you, and how you can face it.

im going to have a stab and say you are 27. If you learn the skills now, things should be much better in the long run, rather than struggling with the trauma for a long time. The skills will empower you to put on the boxing gloves and give your demons what-for.

Not_Batman

[missep123]

Hi Reenie93!

I am sorry about my late reply. I think that you are demonstrating so much insight and it is so true, finding the right psychologist and right fit for you takes time and trying. That's great you are considering potentially finding a new one though!

With regards to thought challenging it is finding evidence for and against. For example, if I trip in front of people I might have the automatic negative thought of 'Everyone's going to think that I am so silly!'. I would then think of evidence for and against. For example:
Against the thought:

- People comforted me and told me it's fine and no one noticed

- I've seen people trip over before and I didn't judge them

- This doesn't define my personality or who I am as a person

For the thought:

- hmmm I can't think of any evidence that I am silly for tripping over

I hope that made sense!