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I'm so tired of living like this

Community Member

I'm totally fed up living like a prisoner in my own mind.  I can't control my feelings or thoughts no matter how hard I try.  I take sleeping tablets sometimes and even then I have the weirdest dreams and wake up tired.

surely there has to be something to control these thoughts and feeli ha of depression and anxiety.  My life just feels like a misery.  I feel like I live from day to day with I joy.  I feel like I shouldn't have far kids, they drive me insane with their issues and not wanting to do school work.  I feel like every damn thing I do is a friggin battle.  Why the heck can't things just go smoothly, why can't my kids just do stuff instead of being awkward with homework school etc.

i wonder do I just stress too much???? I wish I could just be a laid back oh well who cares, whatever will happen, you just deal with it? Any suggestions?

i feel like I have no one to talk to.  I feel like am complaining all the time and other parents don't seem to whinge about their kids like I want to.  I'm sick of trying so hard to he a good mother, it doesn't seem to work.  I just want to be me again and I don't know where me went....

3 Replies 3

Community Member
Hi again Marley, Yep Silent Prison!...That's exactly right. I'm always worried. The levels change, and the intensity changes. Sometimes it's unsettling and semi-conscious background noise, like the staccato of distant gunfire. Other times it's like sitting on the flight line at the airport and watching the jets come in , a rumbling cacophony of screaming noise so loud it tears the world apart. But it's always there unceasing, unchanging, and unrelenting. But I still live in prison, a prison no one can see and few understand. Despite all my blessings and  any good fortune that comes, anxiety disorder is still destroying my life and the lives of countless others.  "Laziness" is one of the cheap shots smugly normal people often take at those of us with mood disorders. But the fact is that most anxiety sufferers are actually sensitive, highly intelligent, and creative people with a lot to offer. Many grew up in homes marked by violence, sexual abuse, and/or harsh, rigid expectations. We tend to feel like failures, probably because we've been told that we ARE failures, at least in so many words. This can lead to a paralyzing fear of doing anything wrong. It makes being productive kinda tough, know what I mean? TC

Community Member

I know exactly how you feel. Ive been there! You are being much too hard on yourself.You are a good Mother ! You are doing the best you can under the circumstances keep telling yourself this.

You sound like me the sort of person who wants their family all happy calm and perfect. Hey but life isnt like that and when you are anxious everthing is blown out of proportion and seems much worse than it is.

You need some time for you - just to be you - and to do things you enjoy - just take some time every day for you - even if you just lie on the bed and read or listen to music, or go for a walk or meet a friend for coffee, have a massage or pedicure, buy a bunch of flowers.  What ever it is its your time - dont think or talk about your family or how you  feel or how stressed you are. ENJOY your ME time. Believe me it will make all the difference to finding yourself again and feeling more calm.


Community Member

I damn sure have a mind that just wonders and develops its own ideas, which are far from realistic!

When my mind gets so clouded that I can't see straight, I just walk. I walk anywhere and away from where I was when I started thinking negatively. I walk really fast, so fast that once I tripped over my own foot in the middle of a shopping center. 

I believe that where I stood with the first negative thought is where I should leave it. That's why I walk away. If I become like that at home, I walk out the house and around the block. Before I walk through the gate, I take a deep breath and tell myself this, "I'm going back, this time with a smile, and this time with a strong mind. I will be fine. I will get through anything."

Everything works out. Everyone deserves nothing but happiness. It comes in all shapes and sizes... Even through your children.