I’m so horribly unattractive

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

[PsychedelicFur]

Also another thing about BDD that really irritates me is when I eat a bit of chocolate or some food that is considered ‘not as healthy’ I really get angry with myself. Aside from that I also feel an enormous amount of guilt too. Growing up, my mother would constantly tell me “if you eat anymore of that you’ll get fat!” Etc etc etc. And of course because I learnt to live with that for so long now that ideology has bleed into my adulthood too. It literally ruins my day if I have a snack .. e.g cookie or lamington. It’s so annoying and sad!
:( 😠

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

It’s late and I hit the wrong key, so my half message vanished. I don’t know if it was sent or if it simply disappeared, so please bear with me if you get two in a row with repetition.

OK I’ll start again…

Dear PsF~

Welcome back, I’ve been wondering about how you are getting on - studies included – and am pleased to hear from you even if it is because you are having a hard time.

You are not going to be able to explain it all, even to someone else with BDD, as your views are yours, unique. I do understand you see the world though different eyes, and that leads you to firmly believe there is something wrong or unattractive about your body.

People can be vastly annoying: “It’s all in your head” -Duh! As far as I know ALL thoughts are in the head, not in a big toe or elsewhere -so not a helpful comment. Just shows how distant they are and what lack of life experience they have

“You are just attention seeking”. What rubbish! At most you are seeking a tiny bit of badly needed reassurance -which sadly will not last anyway.

Words, no matter how genuine are not going to change how you feel. I’ve no idea about your body shape, or if you look great -or just ordinary. How could I? I do know you are intelligent, perceptive and have great musical taste, together with a disregard from the fashions of the moment -all hard and fast advantages.

I know - as you do though maybe in different words – that you have been injured. This has left you with that world view, and a reaction when you would like to eat a treat – plus so much more -like not wanting to be with others and doubting you can hold a job and do well on it.

I agree it is especially difficult and traumatic to deal with, I disagree everyone else is as important as you. Believe you have a right to have that injury go away. I expect with your intelligence you will eventually find a psych who will assist you in doing just that.

Do you have a mental place you can retreat to and gain some rest from the pressure?

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

Hello Croix, how are you going? I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself during these unprecedented times.

I have been meaning to pop in and say ‘hello’ but I have been really finding it difficult to put into words with what I am going through.

The statement you said about thoughts obviously being in our head made me chuckle so much!! Haha thoughts in our big toe, that was great!!

I have a psychologist who recently diagnosed me with BDD and autism. I always knew I had autism because I felt very different to other kids, my age, especially at kindergarten and more so primary school.
I have severe sensory issues with loud loud noises and bright lights, but that’s not why I am here today!! Haah.

Back to the BDD, I feel like the marshmallow man off Ghostbusters. I feel really alienated with the fact that every guy I have dated has treated me horribly and always bragged about how attractive or ‘hot’ other girls are. Of course I am not seeking validation from boys but it would have been nice if they gave me the reassurance I needed rather than knowing perfectly well with what I am dealing with and then talking about how amazing and gorgeous their ex crush is.

I hope you are doing ok. I really do! Apologises that I have been a little MIA lately. What have you been up to lately?

As for my studies I have recently received all high distinctions and distinctions for all of my classes. Applying for more universities so I can do the course that I originally had in mind.

all the best,
PF.

[PsychedelicFur]

I think what caused my BDD was having a mother that is/was so insecure about her weight and looks and of course she projected her insecurities onto me, especially from such a young age.

I had a “friend” in primary school that said “don’t you actually have to be pretty to be a model.” As I jokingly said in a sarcastic and funny way “I want to be a model haha.”

Then I started dating and most of the boys I dated treated me horribly.

I was never popular at school and constantly ridiculed for my nose and my eyebrows.

but then again, I’ve had hundreds of people come up to me in public and tell me how great I look.. so I am conflicted and very confused..?

[PsychedelicFur]

It feels like a fun house mirror.. a construction full of rolls of fat and thick cellulite. And yet when I tell people they think I am vain or trying to be so self absorbed.. but I’m not.

[Sophie_M]

Hi PF, 

Thanks for your amazing and brave posts here on the forums, we can hear that you are going through a lot right now but think it so wonferful that you are able to reach out for support. Thank you for being such a great part of this community. 

We thought it might be helpful to chat to someone on the phone about how you are feeling and wnated to let you know that we are always here if you need us on 1300 22 4636. 

The Butterfly Foundation are also a brilliant resource for those with BDD or similiar experiences, they are experts in how these condtions can make you feel and would be able to offer brilliant specialist support. You can call them on 1800 33 4673. They have some information on Body Dysmorphic Disorder as well if that would be helpful for you. 

Thank you again for sharing here, you never know who will see your thread and feel less alone on their own journey. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear PS...

When we look in the mirror, we only see what’s on the outside of what makes us a person...Yes, I understand people wanting a beautiful body...but is that enough?...

I think most people fall in love with what’s on the inside, after all that’s what really count...

A little something I found on the Internet I would love to share with you and the others reading..

”You look in the mirror and sometimes you see a mess of a human being...But you don’t see the lives you’ve touched, or the people you’ve saved. You don’t see all the love you’ve given freely, or the extraordinary memories you’ve made. You are a book of beautiful moments and feelings”...

Please dear PF, look deeper into the mirror and see your beautiful heart and soul, because that’s what matter to the majority of people....Here at Beyond Blue..we don’t see the physical person at all, only the words coming from their heart and soul....Yet we love/like, care, support these beautiful people, because we have seen them...from the inside, and don’t know what their outa body looks like...even if we did..would it really phase us....No, because it’s the inside what counts....You are a beautiful human being PF....don’t ever let others or yourself tell you any different...

My kindest thoughts with my care, dear precious lady..

Grandy..

[PsychedelicFur]

So overwhelmed with everything. My parents divorce, the settlement of the house, finding somewhere to live. My mother is taking it to higher court because she wants 60/40.

[Sophie_M]

Hi PF, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling to overwhelmed right now, we can only imagine what it might be like to have all of that going on at once. Grandy has given some wonderful advice which we hope you can take on board too. 

If you feel overwhelmed and think that chatting to someone might help, you can always give us a call on 1300 22 4636. Our team are here for you when you need us and want to be able to support you when you are feeling distressed. Or, if you prefer, you can cal Lifeline 13 11 14 and speak to one of their lovely team. 

Thank you for being a part of this community and for hacing this conversation. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[PsychedelicFur]

My mother wants sixty over forty for the divorce money. If that happens then my dad and I may not find somewhere to live.

She is trying to drag on the whole divorce process.

stressed.
PF