I’m so horribly unattractive

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

[Croix]

Dear PsF

I'm afraid the rest of the day was ruled by a physical reaction to the inappropriate seating, no spinal support=not good.

Still I had an unexpected encounter with a friend later that day which was an excellent distraction.

I do not get to sleep easily, do you have a particular song/instrumental to help calm?

I'm afraid with your ex that being nice then horrible is a means of control and increases dependence, The person tries harder and harder to get that good mood back, but it does not happen. Results in feeling unworthy.

Similarly always saying it is your fault has a cumulative effect that increases self-doubt and low self esteem, again a means of control.

I'm sure you know all this already, however maybe someone else saying it might help.

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

I really hope you are ok Croix. Apologises for my late reply. I have not really had much mental strength to sit down and focus on writing a response. My brain is all over the place. I’m sorry about that.

feeling a bit out of it and overwhelmed at the moment.

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

Please don't worry about me, I've had a very long time to get together a bag of tricks to deal with the badder times and will be OK. It is as much my physical condition as anything else that stops me coping properly at the moment.

Also there is no timescale for you to respond, you do or don't at a time that fits in with how you feel - and that's just fine.

Feeling overwhelmed happens. I try a couple of things. The first is talking to others, it need not be heavy or all-revealing, just light talk can help.

The other is the free smartphone app Smiling Mind. Have I mentioned it before? I forget. Anyway I find it takes my mind away from my current situation and leaves me with a fresh view of things and calmer. The particular bit I use nags me a lot to concentrate -just as well as my attention span is pretty small.

With music, you might find Tour of Duty Album 1 to your taste, it is on YouTube. I guess my favorite on that record is The Animals We Gotta Get Out of This Place

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

Hope everyone has had a wonderful Friday. Hope it was productive but yet somehow quite relaxing too. How are you all??

My body dysmorphic disorder is playing up today. Leaving me exhausted and frustrated. 😕

feeling low energy wise and mentally drained. Sending love and hugs to those who need it today xxx

[PsychedelicFur]

It has been 42 days since I have spoken to him. And almost two months. Well, what an amazing achievement and effort on my behalf!

He unblocked me on the 30 days mark. Probably thought we could do the 30 day no contact rule. And then I blocked him again. Feeling quite good about the whole no contact situation. I’m rediscovering myself. I lost a part of me when I was with him because suddenly what I wore was embarrassing and some of my interests were not to his liking.

Since not speaking to him I am feeling far more capable and independent. My skin is glowing, I’m eating more healthier, I attend university classes every single day and more importantly I’m wearing more of my extravagant clothing once again - not that I didn’t with him I just toned it down a little.

If there is someone else out there who is going no contact with their narcissistic ex please just don’t give up. It is difficult for a while, heck it is still difficult now. And they are like heroin or alcohol. Really highly addictive. So bests to stay clear and keep to yourself.

I’m feeling proud of myself because i would never imagine myself changing in such a rapid or sudden way. I’m stronger now. You know, when I was with him I felt emotionally weak and incapable. Now I feel like a Goddess.

if you cannot find the love from others then you must find the inner strength to love yourself unconditionally. Because when you start to love yourself you see that the behaviour you put up with before is way below your level of standards now.

PF.

[Boudica]

Awesome PF, I'm so happy for you, you're rocking it!!!

[PsychedelicFur]

Thank you lovely. How are you going? xx

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

You sure sound more like your old self, and I'm sure the way you can express yourself in dress (and music) will make you feel good too, why don't you borrow a song out of my playlist, even if not your style?

Via Con Me, Paolo Conte

You don't need to speak Italian to get the idea ( I guess you can look up the translation of the lyrics if you like, its all good, about escape to a better place).

Croix

[Boudica]

Hi PF,

Thanks for checking in. I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. It is my own fault though, as I always take on too many commitments, overestimating my productivity and time available. I'm just trying to break it down to little tasks.......one by one!

[PsychedelicFur]

That’s no good. I hope you are going well today. Sending good and positive thoughts to you.

thinking, as of late of becoming a spinster.