I'm an absolute snowflake

[hpr96]

I just can't take criticism in any form. A while ago I was a victim to online trolls who took my name and tarnished it on a public Facebook group. I've never felt so low before. I was being blamed for something that had nothing to do with me which makes the snowflake feeling worse. I get so easily upset over the smallest things and I absolutely hate it. I don't know how to cope and it's really ruining my life because I just don't know how to build up a think skin to help me block out and ignore comments about me. Is there medication I can take that helps me stop feeling like everything said to/about me offends me? I'm open to anything that can help me right now. I've been to counselling quite a few times and that helped with other things but its never helped with how I feel. Please help me.

P.S I'm really sorry if I upset anyone by using the term "snowflake". Its the only word I could think of to use to describe how I feel all the time. I hope you understand.

[Whatsinaname]

Hi hpr96,

Welcome to the forum.

Firstly, I don't think it makes you a snowflake, I think it makes you human.

I too struggle with what people think about me, it is a really powerful emotion as you have very little you can do about it.

I would highly recommend speaking to you GP and a psychologist.

I obviously can't recommend any medication but you GP will be all over it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear hp96,

We would like to warmly welcome you to the forums...

I think criticism is very hard for most people struggling with depression or and anxiety...I know for me when I’m criticised for what ever reason I feel so hurt and take it to my heart..crying when I’m on my own if I start thinking about it..I really am sorry this is happening to you...

Like Whatsinaname has recommend..I am also urging you to check in with your gp by making an appointment and being totally honest about what your going through..Your GP can help you...also if they think that councillors will help you..they could set you up a mental health care plan..

Its really so hard to ignore what others say about us..I think that is just our human nature..and obtaining a thick skin I think the way you do that is just ignore those critical comments..and when you’re at home thinking about them, turn your thoughts onto something that has an interest to you or something that you like doing or listening to by doing these things with your full concentration..It will give your mind a rest..I know it’s not going to make the words disappear but it does help us in a way...to hopefully forget them for a while..

I think we have to like ourselves and believe in ourselves that the criticism is just someone else’s thought spoken aloud to hurt us purposely to bring our self esteem down...There are and always be people without care or compassion for others...I stay away from these people...

I hope you’re doing okay..Please dear hp..Talk here anytime you feel up to it...

Sitting with you and listening..

Sending you my kindest thoughts with care..

Grandy..

[socialmoth]

Hi hpr96,

Being sensitive to criticism is really tough, particularly for someone suffering with depression or anxiety as Ggrand mentioned. Even when someone's comments logically don't make sense or have no basis, it's hard not to take it on.

I personally go through quite a similar thing and have worked with my psychologist to develop a plan to help me work through criticism step by step. I write down the criticism, write down how it makes me feel and then reflect on whether it is valid or not. If it is, then I put a plan in place to work on it. If it's not valid (eg. it's not something I can work on, it is based on false information or assumptions etc.), I can accept that it's baseless.

I find that this reaction to criticism for me is a result of wanting everyone to like me. That is definitely something I would recommend speaking to someone about if you think that could be relevant to you.

Wishing you all the best.

[Jasjit]

Hi hpr96

Welcome to BeyondBlue online forums and thanks for sharing your post with me.

First of all, I want to congratulate you on making this effort and being very honest about what you are going through. By even posting it up on forums shows me you have the insight into what is bothering you! Well done on that!! Great work.

So after reading your post I strongly believe that you can definitely overcome this problem and often the solution is simplest of all. As you mentioned you don't like criticism, well no one likes it! Everyone likes to hear positive things. Anyways, back to the point. Well, getting trolled on social media is an external world. If it is something illegal then you may consider taking legal action.

But in your case, it is more directed towards you as an individual? Please correct me if I am wrong. See, we cannot change the external world (people, their thoughts, feelings etc.) but we can definitely control our internal world - which I believe in you that you can do it! One of the tips that have worked for me is knowing myself inside and out. Being connected with my body and my mind, because once I knew myself - everything vanished (including all my anxiety issues, depression, self-hatred, low self-esteem, eating disorders etc.) So all the answers are usually within oneself. Basically, I achieved freedom. Medications - I cannot really comment on them but if there is an easier alternative why can't we try that first?

So what I did was (it is a lifestyle change, because we want this to be sustainable, not one hit one wonder) I started adding meditation/yoga practices/mindfulness/religious scriptures readings into my daily lifestyle of eating a whole-foods plant-based diet and exercising every day. From there I became calmer and calmer, became crystal clear water. Now nothing bothers me because my remote control is in my hand!

Please tell me more about what little things offend you? Are you seeking for approval from others?

I would really like to help you out.

[hpr96]

Hi Jasjit,

I get upset about a lot of things but I can usually ignore them, but as soon as something negative is said about me to others or myself, my stomach just hits the floor. I'm not bothered if people like me or not, but if they start firing shots at me, I feel so small and weak because the comments hurt me. And it's only from people I don't know. So like, if you don't know me, how can you say all them things. I can take criticism off my family because they're usually joking, but if a stranger said the same things my family said, it would crush me.

[Jasjit]

Hi hpr96,

Yes, I agree it can be frustrating and annoying when someone tries to spread the wrong rumors about you.

The way I handled it was by asking myself whether it is the truth? If it is not the truth - then I don't even bother because I have not given anyone the privilege to cause internal dysfunction in myself. It is like having remote control of yourself but others have it and can do anything they want despite they are strangers! So we can keep our remote control to ourselves!

But if strangers are saying exact things what your family members have been saying - that is a problem! I think it needs to be addressed. If you don't mind me asking who are these 'strangers' in your life?

Also, if strangers said nice things to you, how would that make you feel? If that makes you feel good, then again strangers have the absolute privilege to control your every thought, emotion, and behavior.

So I think the idea is that in the world there are good and bad things but what should remain stable throughout is one's internal foundation!

Like when someone praises - do need to get carried away but just like when someone criticizes - don't need to beat yourself up.

I personally believe you can achieve this! I can sense a lot of openness and willingness from you! Keep it up.

[Wishes]

Hey hpr96,

@Jasjit has some really sound advice here! Especially surrounding where we find our value, within ourselves in our internal foundation.

I'd love to expand by sharing a thinking pattern I go through when offered criticism by someone I don't really know.

• Is this true?
• Can this be changed?
• Does this person hold power over me? Do they need to?
• Will I remember this in 10 days? 10 months?

Not every piece of criticism is constructive, but not every construction of ourselves should be based on criticism.

You are certainly not a snowflake. Simply someone who cares deeply. And that's okay!

Best,
Wishes

[Ggrand]

Hello hpr96,

You sound a little like I am..very sensitive to criticism..I think most people are sensitive and hurt when criticised..with family it’s not so bad..but a stranger who doesn’t know you...they have no right to criticise you at all..

The strangers might not be nice people and are often causing problems and criticise people for no other reason then the others not agreeing with them..

Please dear hpr...no matter what you do, I imagine you do it to the best of you’re ability, therefore criticism by others..strangers I mean...isn’t warranted and if you possibly can..just let it pass through you and remember that you are the best you, that you can be..and we can’t do any better then our best..

My kindest thoughts with care..

Grandy..

[hpr96]

Hi Jasjit,

The strangers are just random people on Facebook. I posted a video from my dashcam of a truck pulling out infront of me. I only posted it to show people how one little mistake could easily cause serious accidents and I was eaten alive. Everyone was saying I was stupid, an idiot, a f*ckwit etc.. for not letting the truck out, even though my car was doing 70 on a main road and the truck was pulling out of a side road. I wasn't even driving the car, my partner was. Someone then took a screenshot of my post and made their own post on a public page calling me all kinds of names and a lot of people joined it. I didn't leave the house that whole day because I just felt so horrible. Everyone was throwing shade at me and I did absolutely nothing wrong. All the comments cut me to the bone.