I knew it was coming

[MaryG]

So here it is again. I knew it was coming. Lurking there in the background while I was feeling so well. Waiting for a chance to attack again. That's what the anxiety was all about, I'm sure of it. This morning I thought oh great the anxiety has gone, maybe it's going to be a good week. But now I realise that's not how it's going to play out. I can feel it now changing my behaviour and my outlook. So belligerent and angry and tense. Do not want to engage with anyone. All my spontaneity and joy has gone. I can remember feeling good but I feel powerless to get myself back to that state of mind. It's hard to fight, easy to give in. Struggling today. 😞

[geoff]

dear MaryG, if I can say that it's not an easy road to overcome these moments or periods when you feel as though you fallen back, it somehow has to happen, only because it's a time when 'it sort of teases us', but it also is a time that enables us to build the strength that we are aiming for.

Take for example if you haven't quite overcome this desire to drink, then you could be easily convinced to have a drink and undo all the good that you have now achieved, because there will be temptations and lots of people saying to you, 'just have one it won't hurt you'.

Yes it is easy to give in, but what does this do, it only makes your job twice as hard as it is now, and means that you have fallen back again, so it's a vicious circle.

I well and truly know this feeling and what you have achieved and what you have done, and please believe me that it will become easier as time passes, and there are no guild lines as to how long, some people it's a breeze, and half their luck, while for others it's harder.

I am pleased that I caught your post before I was going to log off, because I didn't want you to have to wait until tomorrow.

I am always here Mary for you, as certain posts stick to how I feel. L Geoff. x

[MaryG]

Hey Geoff,

I'm not going to drink...I have come too far to go back to that. I dream about it quite often, having a sneaky drink. But even then I don't go through with it.

I felt better by the afternoon yesterday, but definitely in a down cycle at the moment. I guess this is just how it goes and I have to try and not get too overwhelmed by it and fall into the trap that my mind has set. It's such a huge effort to engage with people and my family. But I know I have to try. 

Thanks for always listening Geoff.

Mary. 

[Jos]

Hi Mary,

Remember the rules, don't give these feelings power, every day is a new day, all days can not be the same, definitely don't beat yourself up, maybe you just need time out when you feel 'those feelings' creeping back.  Glad to know your afternoon yesterday was better and wishing you a good day today !!!

Josephine 🙂

[geoff]

dear Mary, I know this because as you say 'I have come too far to go back to that', and this is a mammoth effort by yourself.

Just learn to understand how your mood behaves and changes, with maybe the morning you don't feel the best but by afternoon it improves.

There is an old saying when someone says to you 'Mr. Z isn't the best in the mornings' and it sort of applies to all of us in different categories, so we learn on how to deal with this situation, and maybe you can inform your family that this is how you now operate, but not to worry.

Mary as I keep saying to you 'your a gem', and your determination and logic tops the list, and there are lots of people who read our comments as an inspiration for themselves, so please keep in touch. L Geoff. x