I have decided to take little steps to change my life.
I’m going through social anxiety disorder since childhood. I’m 38 now. I stay in the house 24/7.
I cannot go out anywhere, buy anything, I cannot drive, I cannot talk to my neighbors, I cannot speak on the phone because of my social anxiety. I was guilty for not having a job. I was harsh on myself for feeling and behaving weird. I always had negative things to say about myself. I never loved me. I never even looked at me in the mirror. I hated me. I was ashamed of me. I blamed myself for having social anxiety.
3 yrs back I took a decision that I wanted to change my life.
I started searching for videos on YouTube that could help me. I follow Aaron Doughty, Mel Robbins, Julien Himself, Dr. Julie, Teal Swan, Clark Kegley, Jay Shetty and Brian Scott. I decided to become a better version of myself every day I wake up.
It took me 2 years to completely forgive my parents. It wasn’t easy, remembering and acknowledging the mental abuse. It was hard, almost impossible. I just didn’t want to go there, but I had decided to heal myself. I had to explain to myself that it wasn’t my fault. It was their behavior. It was about them. Maybe it’s what their parents did to them, but I have proudly decided I will not be the same to my children or my husband. It’s from me that the chord will be cut!
I am learning about myself. I am discovering myself. I have started owning my social anxiety. Throughout the day I tell myself, you got this, I am proud of you, you are so confident around people, the best people come to you, I am rooting for you! Nobody will love you more than me!
I make sure I don’t be harsh on myself anymore; I make sure I don’t talk negative about myself. When something goes wrong, my mind immediately start to think bad about myself but I quickly turn it around and talk positive. I have started respecting myself. I look in the mirror and tell myself what you’re going through is not your fault.
I could not leave the bed before, now I wake up, have my tea and kneel down and pray to the universe for all the people who are suffering mentally and physically, that’s the least I can do.
I have a pen and a notebook now; I’m making plans as to how to get out of the house and all. I am fighting my fears. Not easy. But I have decided that I want to enjoy my life. Let’s see what happens.
I thought of sharing, thank you.
Thank you so much for a very inspiring post…your have come a long way since you first joined the forums…Well done..
Learning to care for ourselves is a major step forward in our journey in helping us accept our mental health and to begin our healing…
I’m certain your post will inspire a lot of people here on the forums…to try to be more gentle and caring towards themselves…
My kind thoughts Dear Madale…
I think anxiety has to be there. It's a feeling that has to be in us because we are human beings, just like sadness, happiness, anger. And we are designed to work with our different feelings in our lives. But I think when we can't handle or deal with the anxiety as in when it takes over us then it becomes a disorder. Let's try to train our brain, let's try to train our minds by changing the old thought patterns and same old beliefs like reprogramming the mind into new thoughts, thoughts that will help us overcome anxiety.
Oh Madel I hear you loud and clear. Shout it from the rooftops in your heart " I am getting out of this house, I am going to enjoy my life, nothing will hold me back"
And good on you. Go girl go.
I too have had symptoms of social anxiety. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't walk out of the house in fear that the neighbours would see me . Had fear they I would have to talk to them. Had fear that they would even see me. I use to only get the mail if there was any at night. I worked all through that and only occasionally get stuck there. But hardly ever. I had challenges going walking through a shopping centre as I felt like everyone was looking at me. I felt so awkward and self conscious. I use to go there pretend to stare on something on my phone. Which was a stepping stone. I don't do that anymore.
I find it a challenge to talk on phones actually. But I am improving the more I do it. I don't like looking into mirrors much at all.
And I am improving verbally speaking out loud to others. Little by little.
Anyway I am so proud of you even though I hardly know you. Grap life and keep going. I felt your determination.
I am going to look up those people you mentioned, maybe I can learn some things from them.
Go girl go