I have been too I mean I'm way to tired...

[DaisyDills202]

I am going through things that I don't get

Being with this certain person can get so exhausting

And I don't want to be with anyone else cept those meant to be

Everytime she gets near I get anxiety...or troubling...

Sometimes I don't really get her

or what she wants...I just want to be with people who are uplifting and fuun

Nothing serious.

I am too tired for anything else...

some parts of me want to be left alone without that person haggling

too much energy on something i don''t understand...

can someone get rid of these blues for me? make me feel better?

some parts i don't understand what shes going through or what she thinks

too etired...

[yggdrasil]

Hi DaisyDills202,

Thanks for posting on here. I hope you're managing OK tonight. I understand what it's like to want to be with someone who isn't particularly good for your mental health. Are you able to step away from them for a bit, or put in place some stronger boundaries?

[Petal22]

Hi DaisyDills202,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

If this person’s energy is too much for you right now it’s ok to take a step back and just have some time to yourself.

Maybe if this person needs some support you could encourage this person to seek some professional help.

[therising]

Hi Daisy

Are you feeling that person's stress? Could you be feeling their emotions, their frustration, their disappointment etc? If you gained the ability to emotionally detach for a brief period, would this give you a somewhat clearer picture from their viewpoint? For example, could they be coming from the perspective of 'Everything's feeling out of control in my life', which could explain their need for control. If they're coming from the perspective of trying to manage their anxiety, are they trying to bring about greater stress relief through their efforts to manage everything and everyone around them? If they're coming from the perspective of depression, they could be desperately searching for strategies that lead them to manage feeling some 'happiness'.

Not necessarily suggesting you get right in there and begin analysing her intensely, simply throwing out the idea that by having a break from her emotions you consider why the emotions are there.

It's a bit of a weird concept, being able to feel other people's emotions which aren't actually your own, but it is a thing. Give you an example of people who feel other's emotions while having the ability to detach in favor of analysis. Paramedics. They may show up to the scene of a car accident where there might even be a child involved. If one of those paramedics is a parent, they may have to work hard on a healthy form of emotional detachment, from the parent in the car. While they'll be able to feel the parent's stress, through their ability to relate to it, they have to detach from it to some degree. Their ultimate goal is to save lives. They may allow themself to connect emotionally to a degree yet anything beyond that will get in the way of their performance as a paramedic. If you want to witness masters of emotion, study a paramedic.

To the other extreme, you'll find paramedics who are completely emotionally detached. There are those who, on the autism spectrum for example, don't have the ability to feel other people's emotions. They have to learn how to appear emotionally connected to the person or the people they're treating. They're acting connected. The 'feeling spectrum' has its extremes. It's quite fascinating.

If you're a true 'feeler', you will feel people draining you. 'How and why, are they doing this?' becomes the question. While some people intentionally drain others, some people really don't mean to (it's just a consequence of what they're going through).

[daisybaby888]

Both my boyfriend and I are very mentally unstable. We've only been dating for a little over two months but I've gone through so much trauma in such little time. Only a month into our relationship he was admitted into the psych ward for some gruesome things, this experience was so traumatic for me I ended losing my job over it.

I had my first lash out at him the other day. I was upset for a valid reason, but I don't like the way I addressed it. He hasn't talked to me in over 24 hours now. I'm upset because around the time he was in hospital he was lashing out 10x worse than me 2/3 times a week and I still stuck by him. He's very patient with me when I'm having panic attacks etc. but when I try to mention the ways in which he's hurt me he disappears. He's a very avoidant and internal person where as I value communication over everything and tend to be over bearing. I'm working really hard to improve my anxious attachment tendencies, he knows this; but I feel like he is barely trying to become a better communicator. I know I can't be upset with him for not thinking the same way as me and I need to give him space to learn and make mistakes, but he doesn't communicate anything and all our tough conversations lead back to it. I was particularly upset over the weekend because it was my b'day. Not to excuse or justify my lash out, but he knows my b'day brings up a lot of trauma. He told me Fri night (my birthday) he would come over Sat (family celebrations) if he wasn't working. He was sending me photos all day Saturday of him at home. I asked when he was coming (at like 2pm mind you) he said no I'm going to my cousins and I'm working tonight. He knew all day but didn't tell me, but like a fool I'd sat around and waited for him to show up to my birthday afternoon tea.

Other than his poor communication skills, he is the loveliest most thoughtful man you could ever meet. He's the first person I've actually liked let alone loved. He does so much for me but struggles with communicating and being introspective when I try to explain how he's hurt me which I do so that I don't resent him later on.

What do I do? I want to make it work, but I'm exhausted and it's making me lash out and be a horrible person to everyone else which is out of character for me. I've dated people in the past and gotten over it, but I can see myself marrying this man even so early into the relationship so I really want to understand how I can help him but he wont tell me.... any suggestions?

[jaz28]

hi daisy,

thank you for being here. are you okay?

you might need to take some time for yourself and allow your partner to give you some space.

jaz xx

i am here if you need

[yggdrasil]

Hi daisybaby888,

Thank you so much for posting on here! I'm not sure if you're the same person as DaisyDills - if not you may wish to start your own thread. Regardless, I hope you're managing OK.

I agree with jaz28. It sounds like you both may need some space. My view is that romantic relationships are usually very difficult to maintain when one or both parties are suffering serious mental health issues. I know from experience that when you're both suffering, the relationship can seem deeper, more interesting, more intense, or more romantic. However, this may be illusory, and hide fundamental dysfunction or incompatibilities within the relationship. 

I dont think either person should end up regularly feeling like the therapist or psychological "carer" of the other. This creates strange dynamics and frustrations that compromise the relationship. I think it's strange you've been drawn into a "carer" type role for someone you've known less than two months.

Have you been able to speak to a GP or psychologist about your situation? A GP can set up a "Mental Health Care Plan" which enables you to see a psychologist up to 20 times per year for free. This may allow you to dive deeper into these issues.

Anyway, I hope this forum is helpful, and thanks again for posting! All the best