I hate the ups and downs

[fatima]

so frustrated. after weeks of regular panic attacks, I felt calm for a few days . Not happy but at least calm and feeling that i might be regaining a bit of control on my way to crawl out of the black hole. 
Well guess not, two nights of poor sleep (bloody mind keeps going in circles) and I just broke down again today. so over it. why cant life just be a bit more easy.

rant over

[Guest_1055]

Hello Fatima

I read your post here, and you sound so so sleepy. I am sorry you are having a hard time. I long to help you in some way. I have not experienced a huge amount of panic attacks, but some of the ones I have had, make me very tired. Hope you feel better.

Hugs

Shelley anne

[ci]

Hi Fatima 

I feel exactly the same it's horrible you start to get a feeling of hope for a normal life and hope that all will get better then bam your lying on the floor trying desperately to get your breathing under control and the room to stop spinning. It's cruel I to posted a rant about it yesterday. I haven't found an answer yet and probably not in a great place to offer suggestions but I wanted to offer support and knowledge that you are not alone feeling like this you are not crazy there are others like us out there struggling from day to day. And there are people that have got there lives back we can too! It's just finding that something that works for you.

Are you seeing doc do you have support?

[fatima]

thanks for your responses. it is good to not be alone.

I am calm again now but scared how long it will last. The last few weeks I have lasted about two days at work before it got to me and this week is going to be a hell of a week. I need to stay calm!  As I know that not sleeping is triggering all kind of emotional responses, I have got myself some sleeping meds and will take them this week. I dont usually like to do so but at least some rest should give me a better chance.

 I think you are right that we all need to find what works for us. Just wish the process wasnt this hard.

Do you ever feel like 'ok 10% of population are apparently struggling with depression etc; where are these people'? I sit on the train and count the people and wonder who else is struggling. Its so sad that there is such a stigma that we all suffer in silence. It is so good to have this forum but wouldnt it be so much better if we could occassionally just say how we feel out loud? Part of me thinks that half of the sadness would already be fixed by not having so desperately to hide how we feel.

OK im babbling, i'll stop. just wanted to say thanks for the support

[ci]

Hi again Fatima 

Yes I do feel like that all these people like us suffering in silence because others don't understand. What I find hard to understand is how can people find it easy to accept that someone's kidney is failing or they have asthma any part of your body can have health issues but not your brain the most complex part of your body so many things could go wrong and it's no  different to any other part it can have problems. Wish people could see that!

I hid my problem for a long time 12 months from my husband about 6 months after telling him g told my mum and my sister and now another 6 months latter I've told my husbands family hopeful that being open about it will help me heal. In  someways it is but others it's not. 

My mum not the most supportive person (although she works with mental health patients and other illnesses) found out she been making fun of me so thick skin needed there!

But don't think I'd have the strength to tell anyone else. Wish could just be open about it all though.

Hope your week goes ok horrible on a Monday when you feel like so much to get done the pressure of staying well doesn't help. Take each day at a time try not to think about the next. I'm a big list writer so write it down and try to forget about it till I need to.

Help stop things rolling around my head.

[pipsy]

Hi ci.  Sorry to say this, but not surprised by your mum's lack of support.  Unfortunately our families either are our biggest headaches, or our best friends.  I'd say with your mum, she can't 'divorce' her feelings when it comes to family, when you're dealing with 'Joe Bloggs' it's easy, you're not related in any way.  With my job, I volunteer helping the elderly manage shopping, it's easy because you can 'walk away'.  When I was with my ex, his mum caused untold problems, I couldn't 'walk away'.  Unfortunately, you can't confide in mum because you're her daughter, she can't handle the problem.  You're going to have to put on a 'brave face' with her because she can't treat you like she does her patients.  She honestly doesn't know how to.  People in positions of authority have difficulty dealing with family because the 'rule book' doesn't prepare them.  It's like when you have your first baby, they don't come with a 'how to' book, you can't give them back.  When you've had a s*** day, curse and swear at home, rant, rave on here.  Smile like the world's your oyster to mum so she doesn't have to solve your problems.  She can't, she's obviously not able to, her outlet from you is to, unfortunately, laugh.  I'm so sorry for you there.  Show her your strength, maybe one day she'll be there for you.  If she isn't, BB is.  I wouldn't even tell her you've posted here. 

Sorry to be so blunt, the last thing I want to do is add to your discomfort.

[Mummybee]

Hello

sometimes the lack of support or understanding from our loved ones is the hardest thing. But you're not alone in experiencing it. People who don't understand depression and anxiety tend to be a bit disconnected from it, like it's not a real health issue because we can just make a choice to "snap out of it" or "get over it". 

I wish I had some advice but I don't. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone

mummybee 

[HelenM]

In many ways my mum is supportive. She's coming up for Christmas though and although I've tried in the past to tell her how hard this is for me, she doesn't take get it. So Christmas is a big pressure for me even though my husband does everything.

So many of us wear a mask. It took me a long time to do that but in the end you realise that people jus don't 't get it. If people could see in my mind they d shocked.  Unless somebody's experienced it they have no idea of the agony. 

[ci]

your right hellenm wearing a mask is a big part of all this and christmas is when we all make sure our masks are firmly on so hard when you want to just relax and enjoy time with the family that does understand!

i think the big thing for families is guilt over why we are like this what did they do wrong?

And yes mummybee your right it can be one of the hardest parts of this having your family not understand!

In reply to pipsy my mum doesnt understand because she has her own set of problems she isnt a wonderful person of authority and certainly wasnt a supportive parent at any stage of my or my sibblings lives  she can be really nasty person and in my opinion works with in her profession to help ease the guilt of what she has done in her past!

Fatima i hope your week is going ok its nearly over!

[fatima]

well the week is over. It was even worse than imagined but I made it through. Still have to work on the weekend to get things done but at least I dont have to go to the office which makes a huge difference. 

So sad to read about those of you that dont get any support from family. No different for me and I agree with earlier comments that it might not be badly intended but is just something they cant deal with. I just put up the mask, think of some 'save 'topics to talk about and prevent too much 'questioning'. So far i found that has worked for me.

On a positive note, yesterday  I took the gamble and i told my line manager that I am struggling with the pressures and need to be able to focus on only one thing for a little while. He was so good about it and exactly understood as he has been through a similar thing. So amazing to get such a great response; like a little miracle. 
Not only his response but also to see how he deals with stress now and that there is obviously still hope. 

hugs to you all