Hi, welcome
I relate strongly. I was told once by a therapist “Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world?” And “there is 8 billion people with a mentality of various shades of grey- yet you expect them to be as black and white like you” It got me thinking- my expectations is for everyone to have my own moral compass, sadly they don’t.
I ran a small investigation business in the last 18 years of my working life following many employee positions. Initially I was loyal and soft, easily taken advantage of including not raising my own hourly rate. I found that others raised theirs and most didn’t do as good a job. So- no more Mr nice guy- emailed all 8 of my clients with a new hourly rate and km allowance. Next day 2 were ok the rest complained in a rude manner like “you can’t do that” I had to remind them I’m not an employee so if they choose to put me full time on the payroll I’ll consider it. Luckily I worked in regional areas so they needed me.
The world is ruthless and unfair. Loyalty is adverse to business mentality - google
beyondblue topic only the strongest survive- make it you
Defences can be wanting also. Trusting others is automatic for the vulnerable
beyondblue topic fortress of survival (also part 2)
That thread covers the steps of trust we should embark on with relationships.
I don’t think it is fair your husband making the “should have” comments. Blame is not being supportive but it is common with partners in long term relationships as they know our weak points and exploit them. I think if that annoys you too much then relationship counseling is necessary as a counselor will highlight it as well as your own faults which isn’t a bad thing. The point is that he wasn’t in your position- you were.
Moving on takes time but you will recover. I think you were wise to write in.
beyondblue topic do you cry over spilt milk?
Repost anytime, here or in those threads
TonyWK
