I don’t know what to do (quite a drama Queen aren’t I😂)

Christie123 · ‎19-12-2020

I make these fake scenarios in my head. I become so invested in them I find myself forgetting where I am and who I am with. There is one I usually have where I lose my entire family at a young age and I do it purposely to cry and justify how sad I can get. I also imagine be being widely successful at the things I do because I have never done that and I enjoy the feeling it gives me. I imagine how smart I can be or how pretty I am and I read somewhere that is might be anxiety but I don’t know.I use these scenarios to deal with issues that in my real life, I fail to deal with properly. I fail a test or say something stupid and these scenarios help be see what I could’ve done and for some reason they make it better. I was great for a while but every now and then the scenario breaks and I am back to reality. I lose it and it hurts. I don’t have those same feelings and I am just sad. It was my own world to escape and express myself and I lost it. I don’t know what I need. I am anxious all the time and I feel terrible all the time and these things where just the way I coped and now they’re gone and I don’t know what to do with myself.

romantic_thi3f · ‎19-12-2020

Hi Christie123,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us.

Not a drama queen at all! From reading your scenarios, I think they've served a big purpose in your life- helping you cope when you've felt like you can't. I'm guessing it's almost like an escapism, in that you kinda leave your world with all the feelings and the reality so you can go into your inner world where things are a bit easier (and controlled by you!).

I wonder if maybe the reason that they're not there anymore is because they can't keep serving a purpose for you- maybe your brain feels like it can cope now even if you don't feel it?

One of the scenarios you mentioned in your post was losing your family and to do it purposely to cry - but justify how sad you can get. Could I be right in saying you needed that scenario to justify crying at that time?

You don't have to answer all of this of course, but hopefully it's something to think about as I babble on. 🙂

rt

missep123 · ‎19-12-2020

Hi Christie123,

I second what romantic_thi3f has written, I don't think you are a drama queen either!

I have personally done this, mine I see as more daydreams. Sometimes they elicit happy feelings and I like to hold on to that as it makes me feel better. I have also learnt this through guided meditations/mindfulness videos on youtube.

From my own experience video games, books and movies/tv shows help me to in a way, escape and cope. Would any of these options be appealing to you?

Here for you!

Christie123 · ‎22-01-2021

Thank you for your reply and I know I am a bit late but a lot was happening at the time my post went up and I needed an outlet to express. I do enjoy escapism but I just wish it was in a more helpful way, like art or reading and not just me alone in my room.

I guess you are right because after the initial shock I get from the loss of my scenario, I’m okay for a bit. Sort of in a calm and relaxing state but eventually new things happen and I create another scenario. So I think I’m going to element that the next time I lose a scenario.

I guess you are right. The emotions usually bottle themselves up and I can’t find a way so that thing pops in my head so I can have some release. You are pretty good at this. The whole family thing stays in my head but it really hits me when I am feeling too “bottled up”.

Christie123 · ‎22-01-2021

I have tried video games and I was even into painting for a while but I usually enter these daydreams while I’m doing that. I just wish I could have just the art/ video game to escape without this thing being in my head. It is helpful at times but I am sick of it because I feel like it holds me back.

I might try reading books again, haven’t done that in a while and I’ve pretty much lost interest in most things. I used to be a fan of reading and I guess I could be one again

missep123 · ‎26-01-2021

Hi Christie123,

I can imagine that it can be very challenging 😞

It's very hard when once we have loved to do something but we lose interest. This has definitely happened to me with reading! I go from non-stop reading to not touching a book for months and months. I have learnt to re-introduce myself to these hobbies though and not put too much pressure. One thing that has heightened my interest in reading again is to watch 'book tube' as in Book Youtube! Finding book reviews and recommendations have definitely peaked my interest.

Here for you!

Guest_4643 · ‎26-01-2021

Hey Christie123, welcome to the forums.

You're not a drama queen at all, a lot of people have intrusive thoughts like what you described. I'm sorry you're dealing with these, they're very challenging and hard to ignore, I get intrusive thoughts myself but mine are more about hurting myself, but it depends on the situation (for example if a loved one is unwell, I think they're going to pass away or something). Sorry that was irrelevant but I just wanted to remind you you're not alone.

Is there anything any of us can do? I'm sorry if my reply isn't helpful to you, but I'm here for you, and I care. We all care, and we're all here for you.