I didn't know who to talk with....

[Ezzaegg]

Hello,

I'm currently studying my Masters in Teaching (secondary) alongside working part-time (four days a week). I having an awful time and I don't know what to do. It impedes with my exercising schedule - the one thing that actually makes me happy - my weekends are dedicated to staring in front of the computer screen, I feel tired all the time, and I'm extremely anxious about gaining weight on my placement periods. I have one coming up at the end of August. I do have an eating disorder that I have been living with for almost 11 years now.

What's worse, I don't even know if I want to be a teacher anymore and I have no idea what else I could pursue. I feel tired and cranky all time. I feel like I would be letting myself down and the people supporting me. Sometimes I wish I could rewind a couple of years and change a few decisions I had made that have caused to end up where I am now.

Sometimes I get so sad and I know it effects my partner. I don't know what to do or who to talk with. I feel a little bit alone with my feelings.

[smallwolf]

Ezzaegg,

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

Studying and working part-time can be tricky. I did my Masters part-time many years ago, and now doing a 2nd degree part-time. And I can imagine there are other stresses in teaching also?

However, I will pick out some key words from your post (if that is OK)... sad, cranky, tired, anxious. These are some of the feeling I had before I saw a GP and was then referred to a psychologist. Before making an appointment with to GP I also did the K10 test at the beyond blue web site. You might like to try the test out yourself? It will give you a recommendation re actions to take based on the result.

You might like to try to the resolve the situation yourself or decide to do the same as I did? Regardless of what you choose, there are a few pages (threads) on the forum that might be of help to you...

1. Grounding yourself, What is it and how do you? - Beyondblue
2. Mindfulness: What Is It? (Even if you dont know please ... - Beyondblue
3. Relaxation exercises - Beyondblue

If you do a google search on the above pages, you will find tips and tricks to help you mange anxiety. If these do not work for you, then you might want look for professional help? You are not alone and there is no shame is seeking help.

With anxiety (I find) it is a case of (1) working out what your triggers are and (2) using whatever distraction and coping mechanisms you have at your disposal. I also find that writing things out on paper helpful, as a way of getting things out of my mind. It can also allow me to look at things objectively, as opposed to the thoughts running my mind and never disappearing.

Some of the feeling you mentioned, for me are also related. Being tired, makes me cranky etc. Tired was reduced by getting a proper nights rest. That means getting those thoughts out of my mind before sleeping, and that was/is achieved by either meditation or relaxing sounds before bed. It was my psychiatrist that got me onto sleep hygiene practices that really helped.

There are stacks of other things that may have an effect also. Space does not allow these to be covered here. But if you have someone that you can talk to about this, that can be a great help. Since you are studying, you might be able to use Student Services at Uni for assistance, especially since you are unsure about your Masters. Though, maybe if you get your anxiety under control, you might also find your passion for teaching?

If you have any questions or want to chat...

Tim

[MsPurple]

HI Ezzaegg and welcome to the forums

I know how you feel. I have a few similarities. I studied my masters and wasn't sure if I wanted to do it, struggling with anxiety. I also have had (and still struggle) with an eating disorder. I ended up finish my course because I knew I was passionate about it and wanted to do it, the one thing holding my back was my anxiety. I decided to open up and ask for help. I went to a youth mental health service called headspace and they linked me in with a therapist and I began to heal. I discussed a lot of things causing anxiety. Especially my chewing and spitting at the time (which I didn't think was an eating disorder).

I am wondering if you are currently seeing some? Psychologist, counselor, therapist? If not it is something I highly suggest. I was in denial for so long. I didn't want to be weak, but I finally accepted I needed help. I wish I had done it sooner. I struggled alone when I didn't have to. I have now learnt opening up is a sign of strength not weakness. You can book a long appointment with your GP and do a mental health care plan. This allows you to see a psychologist subsidised by medicare (note if you need to be bulk billed ask you gp for a referral to a bulk billing psychologist)

With uni I think it would be a good idea to talk to yourself, parents and/or therapisty about it? Are you generally not wanting to be a teacher any more, or are you wanting to stop because of your anxiety, exercise schedual, eating disorder etc.

I know how hard it is having an eating disorder. I have gone from one type, to another. I recovered from anorexia when I was a teenager thanks to the help of intensive therapy and family support (them policing my eating, which I am glad they did). I am still struggling with some binge purging but I am getting support from my therapist and it is getting better. I am working on it every day, every day I don't do it is a victory. I suggest you open up to someone about it. Doesn't have to be family, but someone you can talk to face to face (or over the phone). I am so glad you have shared it with us. It is a huge step in recovery.

I thought I should suggest an organisation. The butterfly foundation Find them using this link https://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/ I have chatted to them on their online service. They were really nice and supportive.

Hope this was helpful. YOu are not alone here. If you have anything you want to talk about or ask, I am here.