I catastrophize about my partner every day and night :(

[TkandMaori]

So My partner and I are very serious and have been dating for almost 2 years, he works night shift at a port and I always worry about his safety. Since a couple months ago, I realised it was beginning to be a problem as I've constantly been losing hours of sleep every night wondering if he is safe.

Tonight I woke up at 10:30 and I haven't been able to sleep for 1.5 hours because I usually always wake up to texts from him when he's on his breaks saying that he is safe, but tonight I haven't gotten any which is sometimes the case when work is busy for him.

nights like this I always think of the worst, my biggest fear is losing him or my parents 😞 and I think about it 24/7. When I don't get texts saying he is safe at work every hour or so I can't sleep, I think of the worst situations and whether or not he is okay, and I panic and start crying and I have difficulties breathing 😞

i need advice, how do I make this stop? Because the thoughts are in my head all night long and I can't calm myself down anymore...

is it normal? Am I bad for thinking of these things? 😞 how am I supposed to calm myself and relax because it's getting out of hand and I NEED help

[Croix]

Dear TkandMaori~

You sound worried and tired. Coming here to the Forum and telling your story must be a new experience for you. It's a good thing to do though as there are a lot of people here who have lived though all sorts of problems and can share their experiences.

First off, I used to be a policeman and and my wife worried about me. I also used to talk with my colleagues and their partners on a regular basis and so had some sort of idea as to how people cope in such situations.

If you have reached the stage of relying upon texts to reassure you during though every night then you are worrying far more than my wife and colleagues' partners were. There were of course some exceptions depending on circumstances, but by and large they coped. and managed to incorporate such things in their lives without being always on edge.

Your worry, insomnia, 'catastrophizing' and breathing difficulties sound very similar to my symptoms when one of my conditions - chronic anxiety - was bad.

If it is anxiety it is not something you can fix all by yourself - or at least it was not for me. No you are 'bad', but you are suffering. It sounds too like things are getting worse.

May I ask if you are currently undergoing any treatment? (Catastrophize is a technical term and not one normally used by the person in the street).

If you are not, or if you are but your treatment is not effective I can tell you what I would do - please excuse me if you have done these things already.

Firstly Id have a look in The Facts menu above about anxiety, its causes, symptoms and treatments - perhaps also look in the Anxiety section of this Forum to see how others have fared.

Secondly I'd write down in detail what is happening to you. Your current symptoms, your lifestyle, and how you've been in the past. Try not to leave anything out, no matter how frightening or embarrassing.

I found I had to write things down at my leisure first as I had no confidence I could give a complete account in the surgery and would be confused and also tempted to leave bits out.

I'd take this to a long consultation and show it to your GP and ask to be tested for anxiety -and possibly depression too. It may reveal a condition that requires treatment. The good news is that normally anxiety conditions respond well to treatment and therapy. I'm a whole lot better than I was.

It sounds as if your partner is very supportive - a great thing and to be treasured.

Please write again and say more,

Croix