I can barely handle school

Steph130613 · ‎28-10-2020

I am a year 8 student at a school. I am currently at a school where I am unhappy (but im moving to a new one next year yay)

Recently students were sent back to school but im hating it. I guess im the "weird kid" and everyone really goes out of their way to stay away from me. I only have 2 friends at this school but they arent in my class and they are kinda judgemental of me and dont really like me that much (i think), they just make small but hurtful comments about me. I feel peaceful and just generally really happy at home, hanging out with my friends and outside of school but as soon as I enter school it feels different... it feels harder to breathe properly, I feel more light-headed and I can barely focus on my tasks in class, I can feel my heart beat in my chest. It all feels like an uncomfortable blurry haze my body is dragged through that we call a school day. I walk through the hallways and everything is fuzzy and thoughts are disorganised, like usually at home everything is calm and clear but at school its so many things going on at once.

Im not exactly bullied but im not liked either, I hear people mention my name sometimes (probably talking bad about me),, and im just generally uncomfortable and unhappy. Its my third day back today and im leaving in an hour, yesterday I faked sick to not be at school. My grades are going down which is weird bc im usually a top student.... and there is no way im going to talk to my parents about this bc that wouldnt help anything, they wouldn't believe that anything is wrong with me... usually when im sick I tell them and they think im lying, ive kind of brought this up to them before but they thought i was just trying to get out of school...

is there anything i could do to help or stop this.... thanks so much for taking ur time to read this !! ❤️

Sophie_M · ‎28-10-2020

Hey Steph130613, welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage to do so. It’s sounds like school has been a challenging environment for you and we are so sorry to hear this. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness.

Stay in touch.

therising · ‎28-10-2020

Hi Steph

I hope you don't mind me rephrasing 'the weird kid' to 'the kid who is their most natural self', in an environment which is largely unnatural (school). Give you an idea of what I mean

Do you think it's natural to thrive in an environment which is 'suffocating' and filled with a lot of judgement and criticism? I imagine you're sensitive enough to know it's not natural
Do you think it's natural to be learning things you know you'll have zero use for in the future? Do you naturally feel like it's largely a waste of your precious time?
Do you think it's natural to want to be in a more inspiring place? Glad you're moving schools, by the way

I could go on with a long list of what's natural and what's not but you get the idea.

So, you can be a sensitive person who is sensitive to the fact they're in a suffocating, unnaturally stressful and judgemental environment and are sensitive enough to question the logic of such a thing. You're a naturally intelligent person, feeling the impact of such an environment and the need to question. I imagine, from what you say, home is where you can naturally be your self.

Mastering sensitivity often involves not asking 'What's wrong with me' but instead asking 'What's wrong with the environment I'm in and the people I'm facing. We can say 'It's my fault, I'm too sensitive' but in reality, we can be sensitive to be picking up the faults or flaws in other people's behaviour. For example, there can be a person at school who is degrading toward you. They may actually have learned such a fault from their mother and father. Their parent has led by example, leading their child to believe degradation is acceptable. If you're not a degrading person, you don't have this fault. If you are an inspiring person instead, you have an incredible ability to raise people.

Our environment and the people in it allow us to see who we are: Intolerant of foolishness and an obvious lack of inspiration. Sensitive people bring about positive changes in this based on what they refuse to tolerate.

Hoping your new school offers you an environment you can thrive in, filled with inspirational people. Stay sensitive, as it gives you many abilities, including the ability to feel what's right and what's not. If something's suffocating, you'll feel it. If someone's degrading, you'll feel it. If something or someone is peaceful, you'll feel that too. Learn to trust your 'feelings'. You're a powerful person.

🙂

BeADodo · ‎29-10-2020

Hey! First off, great job posting on here, I've only just recently joined myself (I'm 31), I could never have imagined seeking help for anxiety-related issues at your age.

I'm a bit the same after working from home the past few months, my first day in the office was pretty horrible. I realized the reason is because I adapted to the calmness of being at home, so I just need to ease back in.

Have you said anything to your friends about the comments they make and how they make you feel? You don't have to go DNM style if you don't think they'd respond to that, you could just say 'thats not nice' or something, very matter of factly, as though they were saying bad things to someone else.

You should always want to have friends that support you, but its also beneficial in life to have friends that create challenges for you to help you grow, if you're up for it. For instance, if you were the one saying nasty things about someone else, you could have a friend that laughs with you, a friend that is silent when you say those things, or a friend that says 'come on, that's not funny'. Consider what those types of friends are offering you... support? growth challenges? convenience? and then decide how much anxiety their comments are worth.

As for your parents, it can be hard to explain anxiety symptoms, and for parents, it can be hard to know what to do... If they let you stay home all the time during school, what happens in the future if you want to go to university? Or have a full time job? Learning how to cope with these things in school is probably the lowest risk environment (even though emotionally it may not feel like it), because not as much is on the line. If you're able to reframe some of these things as 'challenges' that you can tackle.. e.g. if they say something nasty, think to yourself 'why do these list of words make me upset? what if i say them backwards or in a different order? i'm not xyz' and maybe it could help over time make you not even care about hearing negative things?

Have you tried the Smiling Mind app if you have a smartphone? Its recommended by beyond blue, its quick meditations. I've found them very useful personally to calm my nausea/breathing/racing thoughts when I'm feeling anxious, which lets me continue with my day.

I'm a schedule-driven person, so writing down a plan of what I was going to do at each point in the day helped me get through things with less anxiety as I felt more in control.

Sorry for the disjointed reply!