How to stop thinking about negative conversations

[Bec_b]

How do I stop thinking about conversations that have happened over the past few days that no longer matter (logically) but they bothered me and I keep going over them again and again. Awake at 2am onwards with this.

thanks!

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Bec,

I feel it would be so frustrating and draining to be kept awake into the early hours of the morning because the mind won’t switch off. It sounds like you have been ruminating a lot...

I‘m happy to share some gentle suggestions, and you can see if you feel those ideas suit (or don’t suit) you:

• Find distractions- not sure if this is entirely helpful at 2am but maybe it would help if you find distractions as soon as the rumination starts. E.g. movies, craft, etc.
• Learn to challenge your own thoughts e.g. ask yourself how going over and over a past conversation is helpful as soon as those thoughts arise, etc.
• Consider if perfectionism or low self confidence is part of the issue: I feel sometimes if we hold ourselves to really high standards or have low self worth, we can give a lot of power to old conversations, etc and analyse it from all angles.
• Mindfulness strategies (e.g. meditation) to the to calm an unquiet mind.
• Consider therapy to discuss your troubles, strategies to overcome rumination and perhaps even address any underlying issues.
• Call a helpline (e.g. BeyondBlue) or a friend to discuss what is bothering you. Sometimes I feel talking to someone can give a person a release and reduce rumination

Hopefully, I’ve given you some ideas to contemplate...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Birdy77]

Hello Bec,

Bec, what you described, I can totally relate to. I do the exact same thing quite frequently, and it is very annoying. Sometimes I replay bothersome convos that happened 5 years ago as well, just to spice it up. Not my best use of time and energy. But I totally understand.

All of lovely Pepper's advice is very helpful, and especially if you have someone you can talk to about it (maybe not at 2am), it can bring a different perspective, and just saying it out loud can help to reduce the anxiety around it, well it does for me.

Another thing I have found helpful at times is to write it down. It can help just getting it out of your head, and it can also help you to see it, and maybe from a different angle. Sometimes it helps me because once I've written it down and read it back to myself, I can sometimes see that I'm being too hard on myself, or that actually there's nothing to worry about, or that the whole thing is absurd, and I can pop my headphones in and listen to some meditation or music and go back to sleep.

Another thing you can try is scheduling a specific time to sit and worry about the conversations that are bothering you. I've done this, and I feel ridiculous doing it, but it has kind of worked.

So if you find yourself ruminating, say to yourself, "no Bec, it is not time to be thinking about this, we are going to sit down (or go for a walk/run) at 10am and worry about it for half an hour, see, it says so in your calendar".

It's hard to turn off the worrying like a switch, but I find this strategy helps me ... admittedly, I may sound like a weirdo, but it's me taking care of myself, like taking myself by the hand and saying: it's ok, i know it's bothering you, we will worry about this together later, let's get on with our day for now (or sleep).

I hope you are having a relaxing day after a restless night.

🌻birdy

[quirkywords]

Bec B

Welcome to the forum.

Pepper and Birdy have written very caring and helpful comments.

I have found that trying not to think about something especially at 2 or 3am is very hard and that is all I think about.

I have done what Birdy suggested and set aside a time to worry and it does help. I found that when I keep telling myself not to dwell on something that is all I do.

By giving myself permission to be able to think about something, has worked. It make take a time but see if it works for you.

Thanks for your post.

Quirky

[geoff]

Hello Bec, thanks for those above me who have made some great suggestions.

Whether these conversations ended in a way that suited you or whether they stay in mind because how they ended wasn't appropriate then there will be ongoing thoughts possibly about any negative comments made in the discussion.

You maybe trying to find another way it could have finished better for yourself and even if you try and forget about what happened, they still remain in your mind.

When you are in a better frame of mind you can think more clearly and gain a different attitude on the situation.

Think of the difficult things you have already overcome in life and why you are good enough to get through other
situations.

Please look after yourself.

Geoff.